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anonymous

  • 5 years ago

some maths related jokes:

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  1. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn't care.

  2. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    Salary Theorem: The less you know, the more you make. Proof: Fact #1: Knowledge is Power Fact #2: Time is Money We know that: Power = Work / Time And since Knowledge = Power and Time = Money It is therefore true that Knowledge = Work / Money Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done

  3. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    LOL good job

  4. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    Pick up lines: 1. Honey, you're sweeter than 3.14 2. I'm not trying to be obtuse, but you're acute girl. 3. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum. 4. I'll love you from here to infinity 5. You fascinate me more then the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. 6. Are you a differential function? Because I'd like to be tangent to your curves! 7. I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you aren't with me.

  5. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    =D

  6. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    more is comming...

  7. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    Teacher: What is 2k + k? Student: 3000!

  8. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    sad but true haha

  9. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    Reasons kids do not do their homework. Physics: 1. I accidentally mixed my homework with my antihomework, and it exploded. 2. The gravitational constant changed sign, and my homework flew away. 3. I tried to build a black hole in my bedroom, when my homework suddenly disappeared. 4. According to Newton's third law, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I was afraid of what my homework could do to me if I worked on it too hard. 5. My Biology homework ate my homework! 6. My Physics homework disintegrated into atoms and fell through my floor to say hello to my neighbors. 7. I can't go against conservation of energy and the minimal action principle. Mathematics: 1. I had a constant amount of homework. I tried to derive its purpose, but I got nothing. 2. I assumed that all the homework you assigned me was Abelian, so I thought that I could pass it in and then do it. 3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook, but I could never reach it. 4. I am sure that I put it inside my Klein Bottle last night, but this morning I could not find it. 5. I locked it in my trunk, but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it. 6. My little sister cut it into a finite number of pieces, and when I put it back together, I got a proof of the Banach-Tarski Paradox. 7. I did part of it; the part I have left to do, is 0.999999999... 8. My homework is a constructive demonstration of Godel's Incompleteness Theorem. That is, it is possible to assign a homework that cannot be completed. 9. I wanted to, but I couldn't find its Godel Number. 10. I completed my homework, but then I beheld it and saw that it lacked character, personality - there was no "me" in it, so I multiplied it by i, and it became imaginary! Programming: 1. I accidentally overwrote my last reference to it, and it got garbage-collected. 2. I accidentally divided by zero and my computer burst into flames. 3. I wrote "pink elephants" as an answer to one of the homework questions, and it threw a null pointer exception. 4. You didn't initialize the essay length, so I defaulted it to zero. 5. My homework made itself read-only, and I didn't have root access. 6. I accidentally wrote "rm -rf /*" on my homework, and it disappeared! 7. My mother redefined my doTheHomework() method with { doTheDishes(); }. 8. I outsourced it to China, but they were sleeping. 9. My homework had a pointer to Civilization III, so I did that. 10. I accidentally invoked my do() method on the laundry instead of my homework.

  10. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    ok, this is about enough, unless I find something really good

  11. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    Q: How can you tell that Harvard was planned by a mathematician? A: The div school is right next to the grad school...

  12. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife's obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: "Do you love math more than me?" "Of course not, dear - I love you much more!" Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: "Well, then prove it!" Pondering a bit, she responds: "Ok... Let epsilon be greater than zero..."

  13. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?" The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!"

  14. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time. Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake. When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

  15. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    ok, it is enough, now you guys comment :) I hope I made at least one of you smile with some of these. =D

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is replying to Can someone tell me what button the professor is hitting...

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