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anonymous

  • 5 years ago

Constructive criticism wanted.

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  1. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    what do you need help with?

  2. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    This is a kid's poem, I need criticism. I know it's a total cliché, but this is just for school. I once saw A staircase, Humongous indeed. It went up so far, I could not tell where it would lead. Up, up, and up, forever and out! Into the darkness I let out a shout. Back rushed my echo, hollow and cold, I shivered as I stepped, Hoping it would hold. My eyes wondered up from the cracks on the floor, to the tippity-top where I noticed a door. But the square at the top looked as small as an ant! I won’t climb that high, I couldn’t, I can’t! With a deep breath in and a deep breath out, I rushed up those stairs and threw aside my doubts. As the door grew bigger, my feet went crazy, my mind grew cautious, my heart went lazy. But then 10 years from now, when I look back on this day, I knew that I would want, to be able to say, I opened the door, I ran that extra mile, I took my chances, and it ended with a smile. With a deep breath in and a deep breath out, I began to twist the knob, and I threw aside my doubts. My back embraced the wooden door, I gave it one big shove, and I looked out to the land that I was so sure I that I would love.

  3. anonymous
    • 5 years ago
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    I like the tension that start to built as the character moves towards the door. The sentence "But then 10 years from now, when I look back on this day, I knew that I would want, to be able to say, I opened the door..." kind takes away from it. I like the word ,"humongous" as it does reflect the mentality of a young child. It would be nice if you had more imagery, like describing the staircase and the squeaking of the nails as the child climbs. I think it does describe well the curiosity that can be found in young children.

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