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Try using less strikes next time.. other than that its pretty good (:
Thanks!! If you like that one you will also like this one that i wrote: Scream!! SCREAM!!!!! let it all out! Dont be afraid to SHOUT!!!! Let out everything out, let go!! Release your frustration let it flow!!! When you have a bad day And nothing they say can do anything to help just SCREAM!!! dont yelp!!! Let your anger go, let it leave your soul Take back the happiness they stole!! Now you are cured. With the scream your heart has been pured. do you like it? (:
"Let out everything out, let go!!" (Needs some correction)
Ahhh i see it (: Thanks but otherwise how do u like it?
Hmm.. It's satisfactory. =)
Hmmmm i think you might like these ones better can i show you two pretty intense ones? :D
Alright!! Here is 1: Be My Muse You and I talk, nothing to lose I am yours, and you are my, muse. We play with our words, such fun You talk of my body in the sun Our words, twist them, turn them Inspiration from our words will stem Two writers so well fitted to the others We aren't "just friends" but not quite lovers I hide my thoughts deep inside I cant let rejection hurt my pride I want so much to explore I NEED to find out more What would your hands do to me? I need to breakaway, be free You played my game You managed to ignite my flame Dont let me push you away Oh inside i long to hear you say Those naughty things, into my ear Oh please, just ditch your fear Open me up, be brave Now, give me what i crave! We have nothing to lose So please be my muse?
And here is the second one: Follow your Gut He hurt you He broke you into two Oh heart, he never cared about all the things u shared Oh heart, he isnt worth your time Heart, to you he commited crime He took all you had to give Heart, him you can never forgive He had you on a chain, And now he is gone, and your in pain Heart, now it is time, to move past Listen now, you knew it wouldnt last Oh dear heart, open your eyes You have been blinded by his lies But now you must breakthrough You must unstick, from the glue That kept you, from saying goodbye Heart! Cut the dreaded tie You dont need him to laugh dont let him take your other half Heart, you are a part of me So why cant you see! Heart and mind will never think the same Dont give in to either, dont play there game Hold your head high, and strut Never be held back. and follow your gut.
And one more: RAW You wanna know what i am? im raw. I'm real im me, and i leave u in awe I don't ever hide. I'm not afraid to be this girl inside I tackle you, i attack I'm not afraid to act a little wack! I wont let your words hurt my core But i WILL always leave you wanting more Dont let this exterior fool your mind Oh please, search until you find This heart that swells with love and joy but treat me with care, im not a toy Oh please don't think im mean just because unlike you i don't need to make a scene im real im me, and i leave you in awe This is what i am, im RAW
All done (:
What do you want me to say? Raw is pretty good. I must say. Be my muse is acceptable. Follow your gut.- I don't understand the part when you wrote "Heart, him you can never forgive". The line, "And now he is gone, and your in pain" needs some correction. You should never use more than one "and" in a line. (Hope you get what I mean) I apologize for my criticism. Looking forward to read more of your handiworks. ^_^
Haha you seem like a good criticizer but... I think you need to look more at the meaning in the words, the passion. Not just how "many spelling mistakes i make" lol
Haha, I gotchu. :) But I certainly do interpret your poems.
Hmmmm... well if you do, you dont comment on them (:
is this real life
i threw up on my keyboard and there was blood
Uh.... its poetry? Sorry your uncreative mind cant create things that good.. but its now your fault is it? You were just born boring (: