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What's the context? What are the sentences leading up to this one?
its about a war everythings destoryed one of the soldiers who survived and just saying it was like a nightmare
Hmmm, well I wouldn't be able to suggest how to craft a particular sentence without seeing the other sentences in the passage. Sometimes less is more . . . if you have the soldier remembering (and conveying those memories) in some choice images, even having him say quietly that it was more than a nightmare can have an impact, know what I mean?
ill tell ya how it started yh
Or that it was a waking nightmare. That might be a good juxtaposition -- "waking nightmare." One you can't escape from, because it's real. One you'll never wake up from, or you might imagine you'll never wake up from. The only escape seems to be death.
i remeber it all so clearly.i was one of them soldiers who survived the terrible war everything was going perfectly fine until the horrible war started.it was like a nightmare
More images, that's what you need. Unless this is intended to lead into his recounting of some of the specific events?
I remember it all so clearly -- how can I ever forget. It haunts me every day of my life. I survived the terrible war, the war that engulfed us all. The war that turned everything upside down. That turned day into night, and life into a nightmare.
just start it of one simple about 9 sentences about war how i rembered it and how the city was like before the war please with adjectives similes etc thanxss
That turned our pleasant days to hideous night, and waking life into a nightmare.
Hmmm, I don't quite get your comment. Can you repeat?
Full sentences would help.
i rember it all so clearly.i was one of them soldiers who survived the terrible war.our city london was such a beatiful,stunning and peaceful city.it looked like heaven,with green tall luscious trees.the grass was as green as emerald.we believed the loving people would never destoy a jewel like london.everything was going perfectly fine until the great war.it was like a nightmare
Is "them soldiers" intentional? (It's not grammatically correct.)
wat do u mean
It should be "those soldiers."
or "the soldiers"
and by the way will u sort my grammer and punctuation out and add sum similes and adjectives etc plz thanxxx
Is this meant to be the aftermath of WWII? London was not so green as you describe. There were parks, I believe, but it was an industrial city.
yh kind of its like a flash back its bassically meaning london was beautiful and green and after the war everything was destroyed and was in ruins
its a story
Okay, well here's one possible version, beginning with what you had and tinkering with it -- I remember it all so clearly. I was one of the soldiers who survived the terrible war. London, our city, was so beautiful. Heavenly, with tall luscious trees of green and grass as green as emeralds. We never could have imagined it the target, another casualty of the war, and ourselves victims. Life was wonderful before the Great War, perfection really. Then the war swept through our lives, and took the lives of our loved ones from us. It was like a nightmare from which we could not awake. * * * But before the war, life was not so wonderful and perfect in the city, not for everyone. There was widespread unemployment, political unrest, and depression, at least for some time after the first world war, which was not so long before the second. Anyway, I hope that helps. There are many, many different ways you might go with those lines. I have to take off -- I'll check in later, in case you post more. There are others around who might have more to add, or some other suggestions for revising those opening lines.
its a story by the way will u add some similes and adjectives and write it again but more detailed remebr its a STORY plzzzz
helo u there redwood girll
So, I've given you some suggestions for how to improve flow and sentence structure. You have adjectives in there now, and there's a simile. This is just the start of your story, right? I'm afraid you will have to put a little work into this revision as well. :)
How about you take a stab at making it more detailed? I'm happy to help and to show you some ways in which you vary things, but I cannot write the story for you. First of all, it wouldn't even sound like you, and so you should not want it. Second of all, you wouldn't learn anything by that, and so you shouldn't want it. But I'm willing to help you in any way that I can, other than that.
yh so will u start the story and ill do the rest
Well, I think you have your start, don't you? And we've both worked on it. Why don't you take it and run with it? Post when you've got some more.
u start it plz