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anonymous

  • 4 years ago

Edit my Depression Era Poem! (10 POINTS)? There he stood His eyes filling with mere stress With father and grandfather Pleading for mercy Begging for money There they stood Under the hostile sun From their bodies oozed an odour An odour so repulsive That even flies seemed to avoid them His grandfather picked the guitar up Leaving his pride he plead for money To play the tune that was once so merry Now such agony Passed by a few Plaguing them with wounds of no attention For no wealthy being understood their pain Their colors darkened with dirt of neglect

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  1. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    Can you add at least 3 of the following? Simile Metaphor Alliteration Personification Onomatopoeia

  2. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    Here's the picture I did it on. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wM1iO8TVnaY/TghsWLj-6ZI/AAAAAAAAB9g/N_qqXBC9XmQ/s640/beaggrs+men.jpg

  3. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    I will help you, but first you must tell me if you know what simile, metaphor, alliteration, personification, and onomatopoeia mean. Simile and metaphor you probably at least have an idea of, alliteration, personification, and onomatopoeia can be a little harder to grasp for a beginning poet. I just need to know your skill level before I start through a bunch of stuff at you.

  4. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    simile - comparing two things using like or as metaphor - comparing two unlike things alliteration - first letters of the words sound the same personification - giving something human-like traits onomatopoeia - sounds Am I right??

  5. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    Sort of. But I can give you clearer definitions than those. The definition for simile that you have is pretty much right on. A simile is a sentence that makes a comparison between two unlike things using the words 'like' or 'as'. For example: Her lips were like two red rose petals, With skin as pale and smooth as ivory. Those two lines are both simile. Where in your poem could you use a similar sentence?

  6. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    An odour so repulsive like a rotting corpse? Btw. - Sorry, my sister woke up, so I had to go put her to sleep

  7. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    Or.. His eyes filling with mere stress Like how water fills an empty glass

  8. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    Almost. This is not quite a simile because you are not comparing anything to the water. Well you are comparing tears to water, but tears is no where in the lines. So a better simile would be: The stress filled his eyes with tears Like water filling an empty glass.

  9. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    Hmm, ok. Thanks :)

  10. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    Now metaphor. A metaphor is similar to a simile except instead of say something is like another thing, you are saying it IS another thing. Metaphors are not limited to residing in one sentence. For example: Her hair was golden flax Freshly hewn from the field. Loose and gently blowing Across the hills upon her chest. There are two metaphors operating here; hair/flax and hills/breasts. In addition, 'Loose and gently blowing' is contributing to the hair/flax metaphor even though it is in another sentence and is part of another metaphor. Do you see a place in your poem where you could make a similar construct?

  11. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    I'm not sure where I should include that in my poem.. :/ Maybe somewhere along the lines about the hostile sun..?

  12. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    Hold off on the hostile sun for a moment. How about with the odor? Is there something concrete that you can compare that with? The odor was a/an ______.

  13. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    I don't know what to fill it in with. :'( Sorry :(

  14. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    Something like: The odor was a wall, a fortification That caused the pedestrians to give them wide berth. That is an example, you may use it if you wish, but I suggest coming up with your own. It will be good practice and it will sound like you.

  15. anonymous
    • 4 years ago
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    Ok, thank you so very much. I'll come back tomorrow. It's 12:47 AM here and I have school. You are an amazingly awesome person by the way!

  16. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    No problem. I will have some explanations and example of the other terms for you as well. By the way, don't change hostile sun. That's personification. You used it without even knowing it.

  17. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    You definition of personification is also pretty much right on. Personification is a literary device in which you assign human traits to a non-human object or entity. The dark clouds argued with the sun Over who was going to rule the day. That is personification. In your poem you use personification in the line: Under the hostile sun Obviously the sun cannot literally be hostile as that is a human trait (although animals can exhibit hostility too).

  18. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    Your definition of onomatopoeia is lacking. Onomatopoeia is not just sounds, but it is words that suggest or imitate the source of the sound. A few common examples: Meow Bang! Tick-tock Whoosh! You could also say that zip or zipper rip trickle chomp are onomatopoeic words. Using onomatopoeia in a poem is usually pretty simple. You just need to think of a sound that fits into your poem and us an appropriate word for that sound. She swished her saliva between her teeth To calm her nerves and keep them beneath. The sizzle of the bacon in the pan Brought comforting memories from her past. In the above, 'swished' and 'sizzle' are examples of onomatopoeia. Is there a place in your poem where you can fit in an onomatopoeic word or words?

  19. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    I saved the most challenging for last. Your definition of alliteration is almost right. Alliteration is repeated consonants, particularly at the beginning of words or stressed syllables, as in "With a sound like seed spilled..." - Burroway, J. 2011, Imaginative Writing "She sold sea shells down byt the sea shore" is a very common tongue twister that uses alliteration. Most poetry uses alliteration in a much more subtle way. "I've Got a stubborn Goose whose Gut's Honeycombed with Golden eggs, Yet won't lay one. -"Rhyme," Sylvia Plath You see the way the G is repeated? That is alliteration. Although you do not require it, there are two other terms that you will run across in poetry that are related to alliteration and that are fun to play with. Consonance is the opposite of alliteration. Consonance is repeating the consonant that ends the word or syllable. My heart broKe as she tooK That long walK that is so hard to taKe. See how the 'k' is repeated at the end of the words? that is consonance. It does not strictly have to be the same consonant to qualify as consonance, it just has to make the same consonant sound. For example, if there were a way to fit in the word 'mach' above, it would qualify as consonance because mach SOUNDS like mock. Finally, there is assonance. Assonance is when the vowels sounds between consonants that may not match in the words are repeated. PlEAse don't repEAt what shE said. It demEAns thE intent of her spEEch. That is assonance. I included consonance and assonance in this explanation for a couple of reasons. First, these are poetic devices that are tightly related to alliteration. If you have not encountered these devices yet, you will likely encounter them soon. Second, it is fun to play around with these in your poems and you wil be amazed to see, after a little practice, how much better your poems will roll off the tongue by using these techniques. I hope this was all helpful to you. Good luck with your poem.

  20. jagatuba
    • 4 years ago
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    Going back to metaphor for a moment; I wanted to share a poem with you that I wrote. This poem is a good example of the use of metaphor (if a bit extreme). Not only are several of the lines metaphors, but the poem as a whole is a metaphor. I'll leave you to interpret the metaphor for what it is because that is half the fun. The poem is called "Struggle of Steel". It goes: The boy drove the impure beast With effort and sweat extreme. The monster’s deformed forked tongue Rhythmically issued low groans. The young lad ignored the beast As he continued to beat The despicable brute on. A burning coal of hatred Smoldered in the boy’s center. He despised this unwanted Unsavory conveyance. Resented its insistence To expend less energy Than the effort he put forth. A rise in the path loomed fast, Without warning, launching beast And rider into the air. Strange sensation to his ears, The complaining now silent. The silence now salient, Brought relief to the youth’s brain. Slightly before alighting The creature bellyaching Spat forward its spinning bit. Terror consuming the kid As so dreadful a dawning Of the impending landing. Became inevitable. The rear of the oddball bird Greeted terra firma first. The abomination lunged. The stiff steel fork of its tongue Driving deep into the earth. The youth’s orbs blazed in terror As he flew over the horns. A fleshy human comet With celerity unmet, Hurdling toward planet still. Pain, a red-hot iron spear Sliced his shoulder to the bone . . . No . . . Through bone to the marrow. Stars twinkled before his eyes. The boy, now prone on his back, Turned his head back up the path. He took solace at sight seen, The steel contemptible beast Protruding from the soil, Tongue the base of body whole. Unwanted gift now destroyed.

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