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Matt6288

hey can someone help improve my Intro?

  • 2 years ago
  • 2 years ago

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  1. jagatuba
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    Good question. You need to post something.

    • 2 years ago
  2. Matt6288
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    Maids were amongst the likes of slaves in the 1950’s. Racial tensions were high and discrimination was fluttering. This is depicted in the novel The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Stockett describes the lives of African Americans and the women’s roles during the 1950’s and 1960’s. There were many racist acts toward African Americans epically towards Minny and Abualen two black women working as maids in the novel. During the 1950's and 1960's African Americans never seem to be equal along with the white society due to the color of their skin and there different personalities. Blacks have been discriminated against for generations and separated from whites by law. Segregation has oppressed blacks for years. For example there are different public bathrooms for colored and for whites. There are water fountains for black and black only schools. There are many laws prohibiting blacks from doing things like sitting in front of the bus. African Americans are threatened by groups if they don't follow the law or rules. In the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett, she shows how racism and discrimination destroys the chance of the American dream for African American.

    • 2 years ago
  3. Matt6288
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    srry lol

    • 2 years ago
  4. jagatuba
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    Well there are a few things here. First, you usually want your introduction to be one paragraph. When you start breaking up your intro into paragraphs, you start entering the realm of an executive summary, which I don't think you want here. Second, this does not seem to be an introduction. It seems more like material that belongs in the body of your paper. Your introduction should be focused on what you are going to talk about without giving away the details of what you are talking about. Think of it like this: You know how each paragraph is it's own small chunk of the whole? Each paragraph has a topic sentence and the rest of the sentences support that topic sentence? Well an introduction is the same way only in this case the topic of your paragraph is what the reader will reader. One of my college writing instructors said about writing a paper, "Introduction. Body. Conclusion. Tell them what they are about to read. Tell them about it. Tell them what they just read about." What he meant was that your introduction should tell the reader what they are getting ready to read, but same the good stuff for the body. There are three things that make up a good introduction; an attention getter, a road map, and a thesis statement. An attention getter is a sentence that grabs your readers' attention making them want to continue reading the paper. On some papers this could easily be the hardest part to come up with. I know I've struggled for a good attention getter on several occasion. Some things that make good attention getters are famous quotes, astounding statistics, and little known facts. Whatever you use, it must pertain to the main theme of your paper. I often just put a placeholder in for my attention getter and come up with it later, after I have written the rest of the paper. A road map tells the reader what they are going to read AND when they are going to read it. Standard essays use a five paragraph format: Introduction, 3 Body paragraphs, and Conclusion. Your intro should briefly talk about your three body paragraphs IN THE ORDER IN WHICH THEY APPEAR IN THE BODY. This prepares the reader and lets them know what, where, and when to expect things. A thesis statement expresses the point of your paper in one sentence. You can think of it as a topic sentence for your whole paper. Different instructors want different things from a thesis statement and sometimes you have to experiment with it to get it right for an instructor. Some want super simple thesis statements; "Cats make better pets than dogs." And then some want an all-encompassing thesis statement; "Although dogs are more loyal than cats, cats are less high-strung, and more cuddly." Both of these thesis statement examples could be for the same paper. The simple one simple states that the paper is going to talk about why cats make better pets than dogs. The all-encompassing statement actually tells the reader why I think cats make better pets than dogs. An all-encompassing statement will include the ideas behind the three body paragraphs. The thesis statement can go at or near the beginning (before your road map) or at the end of your intro. The all-encompassing works best at the end because you have already mentioned your main points in the road map so the reader is not temporarily puzzled when they read the statement. However, a well-crafted all-encompassing thesis statement can not only work well at the beginning, but can serve as your attention getter as well, but don't worry about trying to do this. That is a very advance writing technique. Which of these types of thesis statements you use is up to you. If your instructor is looking for a specific type he/she will let you know that on your graded paper (don't worry I have never had an instructor grade me harshly because i gave them the wrong type of thesis statement on my first paper to them). I tend to go with the all-encompassing out of my own personal preference, but you might want to stick with the simple for now. So as you can see your intro really needs some work. Just remember, "Tell them what they are about to read." Get their attention, give them a road map, and then drop the thesis statement on them. Don't completely discard what you have written in your intro. It looks like you have some good bits that can still be used in your paper.

    • 2 years ago
  5. Matt6288
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    thx but my teacher want its to be two paragraphs the instructions are right here. Your introduction will be two paragraphs. You can switch the order of the paragraphs (history first, then literature) but you will always begin first with an attn-getter and end the second paragraph with your thesis. first paragraph -attention getter -trnsition -introduce novel and author -relevant plot summary/issues in the novel transition to histopry parahgraph then for second paragraph -explain relevant historical background information. -transition to thesis(connect back to novel) -thesis statement

    • 2 years ago
  6. Matt6288
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    I need help improving my vocabulary using bigger words to make it sound better. Maids were amongst the likes of slaves in the 1950’s. Racial tensions were high and discrimination was fluttering. This is depicted in the novel The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Stockett describes the lives of African Americans and the women’s roles during the 1950’s and 1960’s. There were many racist acts toward African Americans especially towards Minny and Aibileen two black women working as maids in the novel. The story takes place in Jackson Mississippi where a young white woman named Skeeter lived for most her life. Skeeter fought for Civil Rights secretly. She helped the maids by trying to publish a book about their lives as maids and how they are treated. This book is a great illustration of how African Americans lived back in the 1960’s. During the 1950's and 1960's African Americans never seem to be equal with the white society due to the color of their skin, and their different personalities. Blacks have been discriminated against for generations and separated from whites by law. Segregation has oppressed blacks for years. For example there are different public bathrooms for colored and for whites. There were water fountains for black and only colored schools. There were laws prohibiting black from haves certain rights which lead to civil rights movement’s that lead to violence and chaos. African Americans are threatened by groups if they don't follow the law or rules. In the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett, she shows how racism and discrimination destroys the chance of the American dream for African American.

    • 2 years ago
  7. jagatuba
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    I see. So you instructor wants it a certain way, so by default that is the way to do it whether we feel they are right or not. Regarding using "bigger words". In a nut shell, that is not necessary nor is it good style. Big words are a dime a dozen and they don't do anything to improve your writing unless you use them properly. Anything you write should be concise and easy to understand for any reader. When you start using big words to express simple thoughts all you accomplish is making yourself sound pretentious. Some very famous and successful writers had this to say about using big words in writing: "Words in prose ought to express the intended meaning; if they attract attention to themselves, it is a fault; in the very best styles you read page after page without noticing the medium." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge "Whenever we can make 25 words do the work of 50, we halve the area in which looseness and disorganization can flourish." - Wilson Follett "Any one who wishes to become a good writer should endeavour, before he allows himself to be tempted by the more showy qualities, to be direct, simple, brief, vigorous, and lucid." - H.W. Fowler "The most important lesson in the writing trade is that any manuscript is improved if you cut away the fat." - Robert Heinlein "Use familiar words—words that your readers will understand, and not words they will have to look up. No advice is more elementary, and no advice is more difficult to accept. When we feel an impulse to use a marvelously exotic word, let us lie down until the impulse goes away." - James J. Kilpatrick And my favorite from the pen of E. B. White (I highly recommend reading Strunk & White's "The Elements of Style"), "Use the smallest word that does the job." I could actually go on, but I think you see my point. Don't use big words in your writing for the purpose of sounding smarter or more educated because you will fail in that endeavor. Now with your instructors requirements in mind I would like to enlist the help of a professional editor for you. She will be able to further refine your two-paragraph introduction. Her nick name is Redwood Girl and she is not online right now, but checks in frequently, so she can add her two cents to this discussion shortly.

    • 2 years ago
  8. Redwood_Girl
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    I think what your instructor is looking for is a more sophisticated vocabulary and a more nuanced approach. She wants your writing -- from the structure of the essay to the structure of the individual sentences to the words comprising those sentences -- to reflect university-level thinking. You are not going to accomplish that in an entire paper, in one day. Let's just be clear on that point. To achieve this in future, you are going to need to start earlier, to allow yourself time to think and to revise. Ideas need time to gestate. This is all the more so when you are first starting out. I will take a quick look at this intro. Already I can see that your sentence structure will not bear up under the weight of a barrage of "bigger words." By the way, not only does "bigger" not necessarily equal "better," as jagatuba says, but bigger does not necessarily equal more sophisticated. Think of terms of levels of writing, of aiming for a more scholarly style, without sacrificing clarity and without introducing mere puffery. All that takes practice though.

    • 2 years ago
  9. Redwood_Girl
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    Where is your thesis statement? Is this it here -- "In the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett, she shows how racism and discrimination destroys the chance of the American dream for African American." That doesn't sound either controversial or illuminating. Is anyone really going to argue with this statement? Is your entire paper going to demonstrate that the book explores what we pretty much all agree was the situation for blacks in the 1960s (and earlier)?

    • 2 years ago
  10. Redwood_Girl
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    I'm attaching some quick comments. In these comments, you will see me getting exasperated because it looks to me like you are not doing the foundational work here. This material isn't even proofed (!), let alone worked over with close attention to thought. You could do so much with this if you focused your time and attention on it. You need to work first on sentence structure. The sentences here are very poorly structured. First of all, they are riddled with errors of all sorts. Second, they are principally short, simple structures. Nothing is subordinated! You need to work on combining simple structures to arrive at more complex statements. Only then can you represent more complex thinking. Forget the vocab: this is first. If you can't write solid and complex sentences, you cannot work with a complex and sophisticated vocabulary. Naturally, with paragraphs comprised of such sentences, the paragraphs themselves do not propose, and then build upon, insightful thinking. You lead the reader nowhere new here, and in fact the well-worn paths are not even thoroughly canvassed.

    • 2 years ago
  11. Redwood_Girl
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    <sigh> Matt, I was confusing you with someone who was trying to put together an entire paper in one day (which I trust you are not also trying to do?), and someone who I knew for certain was writing for college. So apologies on that first score. And if you are not yet writing for college, apologies on that second score, and, hallelujah!, you have even more time to straighten out that writing. Assuming that's your goal, of course.

    • 2 years ago
  12. jagatuba
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    Good catch Red. I was wondering why you were being so harsh. Yeah this is a different student. @Matt6288 What grade level are you? This will help us to determine what level of help you need. Redwood Girl was under the impression that she was critiquing for a collegiate level paper because we were working with another students paper last night.

    • 2 years ago
  13. Redwood_Girl
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    Yes, I thought we were working with someone who wanted to write (1) a university-level paper (2) entirely, start to finish, all prep included, in one day. I was understandably annoyed. Matt, if you have given yourself time to work on this, there is a lot you can do to improve. But you'd have to meet us half-way. Revise the intro paragraphs and then repost them. It would help for us to know what level you're writing at, and you really do need to do something with that thesis statement. Until you've got a better angle, there's no point in even working on those sentences and paragraphs.

    • 2 years ago
  14. Matt6288
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    im in 11 grade

    • 2 years ago
  15. Redwood_Girl
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    Ah, then I was expecting too much of you! You still need to clean up those sentences, but the problem is not as egregious as I was thinking. I hope you have time to work on this? You really need a thesis -- a point or a position you will argue -- that is not a simple statement of the obvious. Take a look at some of the info here to get a better understanding of what a thesis statement should be and how it should be phrased -- http://lrc.sierra.cc.ca.us/writingcenter/thesisbasics.htm http://writingcenter.unc.edu/resources/handouts-demos/writing-the-paper/thesis-statements http://www.indiana.edu/~wts/pamphlets/thesis_statement.shtml http://www.fas.harvard.edu/~wricntr/documents/Thesis.html Then, you need to figure out an angle into the book. Has your instructor talked much about argumentative (persuasive) essays yet?

    • 2 years ago
  16. Redwood_Girl
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    It can also help to read other critical literature about the work you are analyzing (though you have to be careful about not using the ideas of others without acknowledgement), but this book is fairly recent and so you're not likely to come up with much on that score. Still, you might check out these links to help you get more perspective and to give you some ideas -- http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/19/books/19masl.html http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/31/AR2009033103552.html http://www.litlovers.com/reading-guides/13-fiction/423-the-help-stockett?start=3 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/11/05/the-help-kathryn-stockett_n_346016.html (brief, but with links to other reviews) http://acriticalreviewofthehelp.wordpress.com/for-students/summaryplot-overview/ (a personal review, not from a nationally published source) http://acriticalreviewofthehelp.wordpress.com/2011/08/28/what-do-black-people-think-of-the-help/ (ditto) http://acriticalreviewofthehelp.wordpress.com/ten-issues-that-tarnish-the-help/ (ditto) The following reviews are of the movie, but some of the commentary you might find useful with respect to the book as well -- http://movies.nytimes.com/2011/08/10/movies/the-help-spans-two-worlds-white-and-black-review.html?pagewanted=all http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dyane-jean-fran/the-help-film-review_b_926798.html http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110809/REVIEWS/110809983 http://www.examiner.com/african-american-entertainment-in-national/the-help-review-defending-the-indefensible-review http://movies.msn.com/movies/movie-critic-reviews/the-help/ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/filmreviews/8850312/The-Help-review.html http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2011/oct/27/the-help-film-review

    • 2 years ago
  17. Matt6288
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    can u help me with my first paragraph? and edit or fix things?

    • 2 years ago
  18. Matt6288
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    African Americans have been segregated for generation. Since slavery, they have been put to work and when they finally got their freedom they've felt discriminated against for their personality and color. Dealing with threats and segregation the African American society never seemed to change. In the African American society separating blacks from the white community was a law and breaking it will have consequences. “the segregation of public education in both the north and south was not firmly fixed in law…those in the north were constrained by custom and racism from sending their children to white schools” (School Segregation). This means that African American families had to move and find education in a different location in the community or have their children excluded from school permanently.

    • 2 years ago
  19. Matt6288
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    “What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence and lawlessness, but is love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or whether they be black” (Kennedy).

    • 2 years ago
  20. Matt6288
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    would that be a good next CD for my para? should i shorten it maybe?

    • 2 years ago
  21. Redwood_Girl
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    On the paragraph, it needs some work, but it's definitely an improvement. I don't know what, in this context, a "CD" is. It's a great quote, but how does it fit in with your thesis? And what *is* your thesis at this point? You really need to work on that. As for the quote on school segregation in the paragraph, it seems almost to dilute your points here. Does the book deal that much with schooling? Perhaps I am not remembering this aspect of the action. I'm remembering the fear, the fact that there's a strong culture of separation, in addition to the law-bound separation, between the races. The violence and the threatened violence. Of course, it also depends upon what aspects of the book you will be focusing on.

    • 2 years ago
  22. Matt6288
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    um not rlly..? haha but it does deal with segregation becuase the black people had there own community to live at and im just trying to prove a point that there was a lot of that. :/

    • 2 years ago
  23. Redwood_Girl
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    Yes, but you have focused on the schools in the quote, and it's not even a strong statement.

    • 2 years ago
  24. Matt6288
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    uhh... ur rite ;( damnit i got off topic!

    • 2 years ago
  25. Redwood_Girl
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    Do you know about the four little girls who were killed for trying to attend a white school? Or about the older students who had to be protected by armed guards when they tried to attend a formerly white school? Images like that, material on that, would be far more powerful.

    • 2 years ago
  26. Matt6288
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    hmm how about this quote..?

    • 2 years ago
  27. Matt6288
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    "Groups like the Ku Klux Klan ensured that few blacks could exercise their right to vote or many of the other privileges of citizenship, particularly in courts of law." <- where I’m getting my stuff

    • 2 years ago
  28. Matt6288
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    "<-where im getting my stuff" isnt part of the quote srry

    • 2 years ago
  29. Matt6288
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    Maids were amongst the likes of slaves in the 1950’s. Racial tensions were high and discrimination was fluttering. This is depicted in the novel The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Stockett describes the lives of African Americans and the women’s roles during the 1950’s and 1960’s. There were many racist acts toward African Americans especially towards Minny and Aibileen two black women working as maids in the novel. The story takes place in Jackson Mississippi where a young white woman named Skeeter lived for most her life. Skeeter fought for Civil Rights secretly. She helped the maids by trying to publish a book about their lives as maids and how they are treated. This book is a great illustration of how African Americans lived back in the 1960’s. During the 1950's and 1960's African Americans never seem to be equal with the white society due to the color of their skin, and their different personalities. Blacks have been discriminated against for generations and separated from whites by law. Segregation has oppressed blacks for years. For example there are different public bathrooms for colored and for whites. There were water fountains for black and only colored schools. There were laws prohibiting black from haves certain rights which lead to civil rights movement’s that lead to violence and chaos. African Americans are threatened by groups if they don't follow the law or rules. In the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett, she shows how racism and discrimination destroys the chance of the American dream for African American.

    • 2 years ago
  30. Matt6288
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    thats my introduction my thesis is in the bottum

    • 2 years ago
  31. Redwood_Girl
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    Opps, sorry, didn't see your responses. The site keeps flickering in and out.

    • 2 years ago
  32. Matt6288
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    its ok hah and sady i cant use any of the sites u give me.. my teacher is only letting us use spicific sites

    • 2 years ago
  33. Redwood_Girl
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    Yes, but those are your two original paragraphs. Those paragraphs have a lot of issues and really need to be revised. As for that thesis, it's completely obvious that that's what the author is setting out to do. That's no thesis. It's nothing you can argue, because it's nothing anyone would argue against. Did you check out the links I posted earlier about writing thesis statements? As for the source links on the 60s I posted just a few minutes ago, I meant those for *you.* Just to get a better feel for the era and to get some ideas. You wouldn't cite any of those sources. They're far too basic.

    • 2 years ago
  34. Matt6288
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    oh ok ill check them out! but i didnt even rite my thesis to be honest my teacher did it with me

    • 2 years ago
  35. Matt6288
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    she wants them 2 paragraphs and what r the issues? what would u fix?

    • 2 years ago
  36. Redwood_Girl
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    Maids were amongst the likes of slaves in the 1950’s. -- this sentence makes no sense Racial tensions were high and discrimination was fluttering. -- the word "fluttering" makes no sense here . . . and so on. Did you not see the comments I posted on these earlier, in the attachment? Ignore the fact that I thought you were that other guy, in a college class. The points are still valid. Those sentences need to be rethought and rewritten. And you need a new thesis statement. One that takes a position on an ARGUABLE point. Not a point on which everyone would agree. Not a statement that verges on a statement of fact. If this doesn't make any sense to you, if you don't know what I mean, you need to read that info I posted on thesis statements.

    • 2 years ago
  37. Redwood_Girl
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    Your teacher wrote that thesis statement?

    • 2 years ago
  38. Matt6288
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    ohhh! srry i sent the wrong 1!

    • 2 years ago
  39. Redwood_Girl
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    Omigoodgosh . . .

    • 2 years ago
  40. Matt6288
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    srry hah....

    • 2 years ago
  41. Matt6288
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    • 2 years ago
  42. Matt6288
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    Maids were amongst the likes of slaves in the 1960’s. Racial tensions were high and discrimination was fluttering. This is depicted in the novel The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Stockett describes the lives of African Americans and the women’s roles during the 1950’s and 1960’s. There were many racist acts toward African Americans especially towards Minny and Aibileen two black women working as maids in the novel. The story takes place in Jackson Mississippi where a young white woman named Skeeter lived for most her life. Skeeter fought for Civil Rights secretly. She helped the maids by trying to publish a book about their lives as maids and how they are treated. This book is a great illustration of how African Americans lived back in the 1960’s. During the 1950's and 1960's African Americans never seem to be equal with the white society due to the color of their skin, and their different personalities. Blacks have been discriminated against for generations and separated from whites by law. Segregation has oppressed blacks for years. For example there are different public bathrooms for colored and for whites. There were water fountains for black and only colored schools. There were laws prohibiting black from haves certain rights which lead to civil rights movement’s that lead to violence and chaos. African Americans are threatened by groups if they don't follow the law or rules. In the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett, she shows how racism and discrimination destroys the chance of the American dream for African American. 

    • 2 years ago
  43. Matt6288
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    thats the correct one

    • 2 years ago
  44. Redwood_Girl
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    Well, alright. Leave it then. Don't expect that strategy to work elsewhere, and if this is all you're doing this and the next year, be prepared for a shock in college. You need to revise that writing. Each sentence needs to be clear and natural. That's first. Then you need to combine ideas so that your structures are less simplistic and more sophisticated. That's second. To get to the first you need to reread what you have written -- maybe read it aloud and think about the phrasing. Is this actually the way you would talk? You would say that "discrimination was fluttering"? What do you think "fluttering" means? To get to the second, we could do some work here.

    • 2 years ago
  45. Redwood_Girl
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    Looks pretty similar. What I'm saying about rereading and working through those sentences still holds. Then, in terms of direction, I'm not seeing a lot of focus in these two paragraphs.

    • 2 years ago
  46. Matt6288
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    ugh.. this is so hard.. i read it outloud idk what i need to change?..

    • 2 years ago
  47. Redwood_Girl
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    Pretend you are actually speaking to someone. How would you say this? You need to work on translating your thoughts and ideas into speech on the page. Only you can do that. No one can do it for you. Naturally, working through exercises designed to help you vary your constructions helps. So does lots of writing, not just writing a couple of times a year for papers. So does reading, really reading. Not just zipping through material for classes. All of this will help you over time if you work at it. Read more. Write more. Really throw yourself into English assignments. Being able to express yourself well on paper is *crucial* for doing well in college. But in terms of triage, for this particular paper, you need a real audience. You need to explain to someone real what it is you want to express. If you can't do that by conjuring up a real reader -- your mother, a brother, a sister, a friend, whoever -- in you mind as you write, then try actually talking to someone and explaining your ideas. Then return to the page and try to revise what you've got.

    • 2 years ago
  48. Redwood_Girl
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    Also, try fixing the structural issues I pointed out in the comments, if you can. And fix all the tenses so that they match a focus on the past. You will eventually want to combine some of those sentences into more complex structures, but there's no point in trying to do that now, when the sentences are not the least bit clear. For your relevant plot summary, you may want -- later on perhaps, when you've got more of the paper written -- to add something more crucial and dramatic. And, does Skeeter actually secretly fight for civil rights? I seem to remember her goals being more modest. In your history paragraph, you need more of the scary details of living then. What's there now is either general and generic sounding, or details that feel scattered and not that important. Yes, the fountains are significant, but it wasn't just fountains -- it was everything. It was like two different worlds, side by side. Separate entrances, separate areas, separate seating on the buses. It was pervasive and all-encompassing. I'm not getting this from your paragraph yet. I'm not feeling the fear. It was a scary time if you stepped out of line, black or white.

    • 2 years ago
  49. jagatuba
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    Okay this is lecture 116 and if you go through my questions answered, you'll see I've given it many times. The two most important things that you need to know before you even put a single word to a piece of paper are: who is your audience and what is your purpose. First: Audience. I believe that you think that you are writing this paper for your teacher and this is easily understandable. But she is really not your audience and the quicker you understand this the better off you will be. Do not try to impress or be under the assumption that since your teacher is your audience you need to use certain words to show that you have a good vocabulary. This is not what she is looking for because she KNOWS that she is not your audience. Your audience in this particular paper (and it WILL be different for different types of papers, you will see this when you get to college) are regular people. People you would meet on the street. Friends, classmates, family. I think Red has a good idea when she says you need a real audience. Read what you have written out loud again only pretend your best friend was there. Is that how you would talk to him/her? Would you actually said, "Maids were amongst the likes of slaves in the 1960’s. Racial tensions were high and discrimination was fluttering," to your best friend? I didn't think so. Simplify what you are trying to say. However, you would say it in real life, to a real person . . . that is how you want it on paper. Don't worry that you talk like a typical 17-year-old. Put it down on paper EXACTLY the way you would say it. You can then revise where you need too. Use better words where appropriate. You are going about it backwards. Keep it simple, say it how you would say it, and then improve it. Believe me even if you turned in a paper that was written exactly the way you talk, your teacher would give you a better grade than what she would give you for what you have been writing. So I reiterate loudly: YOUR AUDIENCE IS REGULAR PEOPLE, SO WRITE PLAINLY. Second: Purpose. No writing is worth while unless you have a purpose. You have to have something to say. Granted, sometimes the purpose is just to write. I do this quite often by journalling. However, when you are asked to write a thesis you are being asked to write a paper that makes a point. This is unlike a book report which is what this is sounding like so far. A thesis argues a point and supports that argument with facts. So what your teacher wants you to do (and you do it in this order): Read the book Find a relevant theme or point related to the book's story Take a stance on that point (in your head first) Write a paper that argues that stance using the book and other sources to support your argument. In one of your earlier posts you stated that your thesis statement was at the end. If you meant this: "In the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett, she shows how racism and discrimination destroys the chance of the American dream for African American. " That is not a thesis statement. That is the opening line to a book report. I have not even read this book, but I can tell that there are a lot of points that you can latch on to and create a thesis from because it deals with very controversial materials. A few points you could take an angle on: How racial discrimination is different today than it was in the 1950's How the working class black of today is similar to the "help" in the 1950's That fact that segregation has been abolished, but still goes on at the social level These are just a few of the points I could think of off the top of my head, but there are many more. You need to find one. Preferably one you feel strongly about, and latch on to it. What I mean is make it the point that you want to take your stance on. You might notice that the above points could be argued either way. I could just as easily say "Racial discrimination is the same today as it was in the 1950's." Also note that each point relates modern (our) time with the 1950's. This is for two reasons: 1) it is difficult to make an argument about an era that you did not live in (difficult but not impossible) and 2) (and this is the main reason) you have to relate it to the book, which is apparently set in the 1950's. That is part of the assignment. So once you have found your point, take a stance on it. Again, using my previous example, I could take the stance that racial discrimination is different today than it was in the 1950's OR that it is the same. It ultimately does not matter which side you take on your point, but it is easier to take the side that you believe because that is usually the more common, popular side and it is easy to find a lot of supporting information for your argument. I personally often argue Devil's Advocate because I like the challenge, but for you I would stick with the popular notion. Once you have your stance THEN AND ONLY THEN can you develop your thesis statement. I can help you develop one but not until you have something to say. In closing, I want to point out one other thing to both you and Redwood Girl. As you stated previously your assignment is as follows additions by me for clarity in all caps and in square brackets: WRITE AN INTRODUCTION Your introduction will be two paragraphs. You can switch the order of the paragraphs (history first, then literature) but you will always BEGIN THE FIRST WITH AN ATTENTION GETTER and END THE SECOND PARAGRAPH WITH YOUR THESIS STATEMENT. first paragraph -attention getter [Make me want to read your paper. Your current attention getter "Maids were amongst the likes of slaves in the 1960’s. Racial tensions were high and discrimination was fluttering." is boring and poorly crafted, but you have the right idea in that you want it to relate more to the point you will be making than to the book. However, a jarring or startling quote from the book would be totally appropriate here especially if it relates to your stance.] -trnsition [This means that your attention getter should move smoothly into the meat of your paragraph. That means that if you have to put the history paragraph first DO SO.] -introduce novel and author -relevant plot summary/issues in the novel transition to histopry parahgraph [This again means that your first paragraph should smoothly flow into the next. Don't worry about this so much for not. it is done with transitional sentences which we can help you create later. Don't worry about transition and flow too much at this point.] then for second paragraph -explain relevant historical background information. -transition to thesis(connect back to novel) [This part is the crucial part and it is non-existant in your current version. Remember the road map I talked about earlier? THAT GOES HERE. This is the place where you tell the reader the points you are going to bring up in your argument.] -thesis statement [Your second paragraph will end with your thesis statement. Again, I will help you with your thesis statement once you can tell me what stance you are going to take.] By the way, when is this due [and you better not say tomorrow]?

    • 2 years ago
  50. jagatuba
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    Medals 3

    By the way, what class is this for (English, History, etc.)?

    • 2 years ago
  51. Redwood_Girl
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    Medals 1

    I just want to second what jagatuba has to say about audience, purpose, and your thesis statement. I know you have said that you and your teacher worked on that statement together, but it really does not fit the definition of a thesis statement. It looks, as jag has said, very much like the opening line of a book report, something along the lines of what someone might write in middle school. Is this absolutely the "thesis statement" that your teacher wants you to use? That seems so odd. If so, then it must be the case that everyone writing on this book would adopt the exact same "position." There is no arguing with it, and it summarizes the main intent of the novel. What is the purpose of this assignment? And this gets to the heart of that last question of jag's. Is this is critical essay, a work either of literary or cultural criticism? Or is the book merely a vehicle to get you talking about the cultural environment of the 60s with respect to race? It is looking so far like the latter, which is highly unusual for high school. If you could post the assignment itself, that would help to clarify the larger context for us. Your own purpose, the position you want to argue for, will fall naturally within the confines of the purpose your teacher dictates for this essay. Then, you should absolutely follow this outline that jagatuba has given you, with respect to how you approach the work and how you fix both the thesis and your intro paragraphs. In those paragraphs, it looks as though you intend for the first to address the novel and the second to address the history, but there is some blurring of this distinction. Until you have a real thesis, of course, everything else is irrelevant. This means, stop posting this same question in various ways. You're not going to get a quick fix, and there's no one here who is going to give you better direction than jag at any rate. If you want to get anywhere with this paper, you're going to need to buckle down and do the work.

    • 2 years ago
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