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edr1c

...As you can see, a kinetic watch have the above mentioned advantages to be kept in mind... this concluding sentence in a paragraph is quite weird. any1 can help me rectify it?

  • 2 years ago
  • 2 years ago

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  1. Redwood_Girl
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    Yes, it's a little odd. Can you post the entire paragraph?

    • 2 years ago
  2. edr1c
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    The next topic I am going to discuss is the advantages of a kinetic watch. First of all, kinetic watch possesses energy-saving ability. When the kinetic watch is operating properly, these watches never require winding or battery charging. In fact, many newer models are capable of storing energy for several months. Besides that, a kinetic watch has a built-in sensor which helps the watch to keep time after a period of inactivity. When the watch sensor senses the watch has been inactive for 24hours, it will automatically put itself in sleep mode. A simple shake on the wrist is what it takes to awaken the watch, and the watch will reset the time according to the calculation done by the capacitor. Moreover, kinetic watch has higher accuracy in displaying time. On average, a quartz movement loses a few seconds in a month, while a mechanical movement loses a few minutes. These few advantages mentioned......

    • 2 years ago
  3. Redwood_Girl
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    Okay, so this paragraph precedes the other sentence, looks like. For the most part, it's pretty good. There are some subject/verb mismatches though. Articles are occasionally missing (for example, not "kinetic watch" but "the kinetic watch" or "a kinetic watch"). And, speaking of articles, both "the" and "a" are in use to indicate the watch. It might be better to stick to one or the other. In the original sentence you posted, there is also a subject/verb mismatch and the phrase "to be kept in mind" does not work well in the current construction. You could either drop it altogether or try rephrasing the sentence. And characterizing these advantages as "the above mentioned" is not the best way to go. There are many ways you might tinker with this sentence. Here is just one way of the many -- As you can see, the kinetic watch has many advantages. You should keep these advantages in mind . . . And presumably that second sentence would end with some reference to choosing a watch? So you might go with: "the next time you are shopping for a watch."

    • 2 years ago
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