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Dude, did you even reread this? Many of the mistakes in here were obvious and should not have been. I went through with my red pen and corrected the grammar for you but I would suggest rereading it to make sure it makes sense. Quite a few sentences were confusing and you seemed quite redundant.
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No I don't mean that the content is bad! You have good points, but as I have been aids for English teachers before, I have notice that they are quite picky in organization. I'm merely pointing out that you may organize it a bit better. But no, I did not mean at all that it was bad! I'm sorry if it sounded that way :o
Work on the grammar a bit but other than that i think its good!