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halo1996

  • 2 years ago

will you help me make this better and answer a few questions? :) please

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  1. halo1996
    • 2 years ago
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    We have all had those moments of complete, and utter, humiliation. Later, when someone brings it up, we beg them not to tell that story. No one likes to be embarrassed. Lets face it, when you look back on it, when you look back on it, that's the story that makes you laugh until you cry. Here's my story. My mom has this friend named Jen and Jen has a little boy named Davian. He always has a Doctor's appointment. I try my hardest to make sure I can go. Well one time I went to a Doctors appointment with them, recently. This is what happened. As soon as we checked in, and went upstairs they were ready for us. When we got in the room, Davian was pretty chilled out. And all of a sudden this hyper attitude hit him out of the blue in the middle of the appointment. He tried to escape the room, so I got up, and blocked the door. Davian walked away. Then I started slipping and accidentally turned off the lights. Their was two doctors in the room with the three of us. When I tried turning on the lights they were really touchy and I ended up messing with them for at least three minutes. When the lights were back on, I was beat red, and laughing super hard. So I took Davian out of the room with me and started walking around the hospital until Jen was done. What organizational structure did you use? What transitional words and phrases do you use? Do they explain and analyze the provided information? Is there a strong concluding sentence? What do you like about this paragraph?

  2. DominantShadow1
    • 2 years ago
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    What organizational structure did you use? As for this question i think its cronological be cause you told it in order. What transitional words and phrases do you use? So it one... im not sure about others Do they explain and analyze the provided information? idk Is there a strong concluding sentence? I would put a sentence as to how much this embarrassed you or something like that. What do you like about this paragraph? Its funny and entertaining and you get the point accross

  3. halo1996
    • 2 years ago
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    what do u think i could put for the concluding?

  4. DominantShadow1
    • 2 years ago
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    umm maybe some thing like I was so embarrassed after this we had to walk around for quite awhile before i was calmed down and I hope something this bad never happens again. Thats kinda a bad example but i hope it gives you something to work with :)

  5. halo1996
    • 2 years ago
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    thanks

  6. DominantShadow1
    • 2 years ago
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    no problem always happy to help :)

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