anonymous
  • anonymous
I need crits and suggestions<3 There is no home to return to. The last light fades away. All is lost, the Black sun rises, As Darkness shrouds your way. All good in the world has perished, New eras, no longer ours. The days of man have ended, Replaced with lifeless hours. Moments of death sear all memories Pain is no foreign concept And death lurks in every shadow The smoke of burning and pure hate chokes the trees Losses of nature that signal destruction" Without you Frodo Baggins, this will be our new home. It is a reference to Lord of the Rings, but I only really need the part in quote looked over. I'd like to thank roycekimmons for all of his help. And everyone else<3
Writing
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SOLVED
At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.
schrodinger
  • schrodinger
I got my questions answered at brainly.com in under 10 minutes. Go to brainly.com now for free help!
anonymous
  • anonymous
If you do like Lord of the Rings let me know! I will tell you where the idea came from.
Wolfboy
  • Wolfboy
It needs better flow
anonymous
  • anonymous
Any suggestions?

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ParthKohli
  • ParthKohli
And death is lurks?
ParthKohli
  • ParthKohli
IS?
anonymous
  • anonymous
Thanks Parth<3
anonymous
  • anonymous
ya some grammatical errors but besides that awesome job.
ParthKohli
  • ParthKohli
Everything else...I love it
Wolfboy
  • Wolfboy
Uh maybe you could write instead of All that is good in this world will perish you could write- All good shall perish
anonymous
  • anonymous
I like that! Thank you.
Wolfboy
  • Wolfboy
I think it might help flow because it was really long the other way
anonymous
  • anonymous
I have to put in the world because that is a line in the movie but I like shall<3
Wolfboy
  • Wolfboy
ok
anonymous
  • anonymous
Sere should be sear and overtake is one word. But, other than that it's really good! Keep it up! :d
anonymous
  • anonymous
Thank you!
anonymous
  • anonymous
If you're really interested in the poetry of The Lord of the Rings, then you should learn about metre and rhythm. Much poetry today is free-form (i.e. often ignores metre), but Tolkien was highly rhythmic in his work. In my opinion, that is where your poem could be improved. Currently, you're only thinking about the words, not the music behind the words. The magic of The Lord of the Rings goes deeper than the hobbits, elves, orcs, rings, and darkness/light to some music deep within. Check this out: http://www.cep.unt.edu/songs/tolkien.html When you read any of these poems, you're actually singing, not just reciting. You should focus on making your readers sing. My $.02.
anonymous
  • anonymous
Wow royce thank you so much<3
anonymous
  • anonymous
Your $.2 should've been more like a $1.50 ;D
anonymous
  • anonymous
;) No problem.
anonymous
  • anonymous
More like your million dollars<3 It means alot<3 Thank you.
anonymous
  • anonymous
Here's a quick attempt at reorganizing your first nine lines into two four-line verses: There is no home to return to. The last light fades away. All is lost, the Black sun rises, As Darkness shrouds your way. All good in the world has perished, New eras, no longer ours. The days of man have ended, Replaced with lifeless hours. I don't think it's the best (on my part), but it gives you an idea at least of what I'm talking about. The same rhythmic pattern can then be mimicked throughout to make it more like a song.
anonymous
  • anonymous
You don't mind if I take that/ I'm have a few things I might change but I don't want to take credit for you work.
anonymous
  • anonymous
I really like your few on Lord of th Rings. That site yuou linked is great. You wouldn't mind my asking if you've both read and seen Lord of the Rings would you?
anonymous
  • anonymous
Do whatever you want with those verses. They're your words; I just tweaked a couple here and there to give you some ideas (like everyone else in the thread). Yes, I've read the books and seen the movies.
anonymous
  • anonymous
hey lord of the rings is a good i love that movie. i own all of them
anonymous
  • anonymous
Same, I absolutely love them<3
anonymous
  • anonymous
i right ur cute
anonymous
  • anonymous
Thank you<3
anonymous
  • anonymous
(i'm working on the last parts)
LifeIsADangerousGame
  • LifeIsADangerousGame
It's nice I think, but like Wolfboy said, it doesn't flow very well. I think it might be because you're using real sentences and no poetry sentences example: There is no home to return to. could be: No home to return to get it?
anonymous
  • anonymous
I think its good! :) Great work!
anonymous
  • anonymous
Thank you<3
anonymous
  • anonymous
No problemo :)
anonymous
  • anonymous
It means a lot<3
anonymous
  • anonymous
No worries ! I love being a criticizer of peoples works and yours in my opinion is great :)
anonymous
  • anonymous
Really? Wow, i'm working on the second part and a huge thatnks goes to royce for help. But thank you.
anonymous
  • anonymous
@mud116 loves Frodo Baggins
anonymous
  • anonymous
Bye guys<3
anonymous
  • anonymous
I did enjoy OS thank you for all the nice things and all the fans<3
anonymous
  • anonymous
http://openstudy.com/study?login#/updates/4fd634ede4b04bec7f17456b There is a new one, I had to reopen it because I thought I was leaving OS yesterday.
anonymous
  • anonymous
u what? why would u leave us
anonymous
  • anonymous
I'm not leaving anymore.
anonymous
  • anonymous
k sorry

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