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If you do like Lord of the Rings let me know! I will tell you where the idea came from.
It needs better flow
And death is lurks?
ya some grammatical errors but besides that awesome job.
Everything else...I love it
Uh maybe you could write instead of All that is good in this world will perish you could write- All good shall perish
I like that! Thank you.
I think it might help flow because it was really long the other way
I have to put in the world because that is a line in the movie but I like shall<3
Sere should be sear and overtake is one word. But, other than that it's really good! Keep it up! :d
If you're really interested in the poetry of The Lord of the Rings, then you should learn about metre and rhythm. Much poetry today is free-form (i.e. often ignores metre), but Tolkien was highly rhythmic in his work. In my opinion, that is where your poem could be improved. Currently, you're only thinking about the words, not the music behind the words. The magic of The Lord of the Rings goes deeper than the hobbits, elves, orcs, rings, and darkness/light to some music deep within. Check this out: http://www.cep.unt.edu/songs/tolkien.html When you read any of these poems, you're actually singing, not just reciting. You should focus on making your readers sing. My $.02.
Wow royce thank you so much<3
Your $.2 should've been more like a $1.50 ;D
;) No problem.
More like your million dollars<3 It means alot<3 Thank you.
Here's a quick attempt at reorganizing your first nine lines into two four-line verses: There is no home to return to. The last light fades away. All is lost, the Black sun rises, As Darkness shrouds your way. All good in the world has perished, New eras, no longer ours. The days of man have ended, Replaced with lifeless hours. I don't think it's the best (on my part), but it gives you an idea at least of what I'm talking about. The same rhythmic pattern can then be mimicked throughout to make it more like a song.
You don't mind if I take that/ I'm have a few things I might change but I don't want to take credit for you work.
I really like your few on Lord of th Rings. That site yuou linked is great. You wouldn't mind my asking if you've both read and seen Lord of the Rings would you?
Do whatever you want with those verses. They're your words; I just tweaked a couple here and there to give you some ideas (like everyone else in the thread). Yes, I've read the books and seen the movies.
hey lord of the rings is a good i love that movie. i own all of them
Same, I absolutely love them<3
i right ur cute
(i'm working on the last parts)
It's nice I think, but like Wolfboy said, it doesn't flow very well. I think it might be because you're using real sentences and no poetry sentences example: There is no home to return to. could be: No home to return to get it?
I think its good! :) Great work!
No problemo :)
It means a lot<3
No worries ! I love being a criticizer of peoples works and yours in my opinion is great :)
Really? Wow, i'm working on the second part and a huge thatnks goes to royce for help. But thank you.
@mud116 loves Frodo Baggins
I did enjoy OS thank you for all the nice things and all the fans<3
u what? why would u leave us
I'm not leaving anymore.