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HaperFink22 Group Title

Quick Fix!

  • 2 years ago
  • 2 years ago

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  1. HaperFink22 Group Title
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    When you’re going through a tough time, it can feel like a whole army is after you. What you don’t realize is there is nothing but an army of shadows. Fix this please? :]]]

    • 2 years ago
  2. panlac01 Group Title
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    it can be written concisely

    • 2 years ago
  3. Johnjakile1998 Group Title
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    Is there a specific way you want it done?

    • 2 years ago
  4. HaperFink22 Group Title
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    I just feel like it's a little messy. It can be written better.

    • 2 years ago
  5. Johnjakile1998 Group Title
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    Ok. Here goes.

    • 2 years ago
  6. HaperFink22 Group Title
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    Thanks

    • 2 years ago
  7. Johnjakile1998 Group Title
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    Have you ever been through a tough time? It feels like a whole army's after you? But there something that you don't realize, that there's nothing after you, but the shadows.

    • 2 years ago
  8. Johnjakile1998 Group Title
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    Sorry it took so long to reply. Cleaning up the house.

    • 2 years ago
  9. panlac01 Group Title
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    messy, but that can be used if you're running a small speech

    • 2 years ago
  10. HaperFink22 Group Title
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    I'm writing an intro to a small online book I write for amusement. It's titled, Army of Shadows. I just need a great intro sentence.

    • 2 years ago
  11. panlac01 Group Title
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    then write all of it before you start rewriting them :)

    • 2 years ago
  12. HaperFink22 Group Title
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    It's the motto for the story, I have like 2 chapters and everything else made.

    • 2 years ago
  13. wach Group Title
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    If you want to make it more impactful, you can try creating a greater relationship between the words and add drama. Such as below : When you’re going through dark times, it may feel as if an entire army is after you. What you don’t realize is that there's nothing but an army of shadows. Or something like that. Just try switching out words and finding synonyms until it seems right to you. Good luck, fellow writer :)

    • 2 years ago
  14. wach Group Title
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    Another tricksy sort of writing tip is to just add in italicization on specific words for more emphasis and /drama/. Somewhat sneaky but effective, haha :)

    • 2 years ago
  15. HaperFink22 Group Title
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    Thans guys! It would be awesome if you could help with this sentence: My favorite thing about being in the shower is that no one can hear my sobs. My tears mend with the water and for 10 minutes, I escape the world. I think about what Maya said yesterday and she is right. I am filled and motivated with hatred and bitterness and the worst part is I don't know why.

    • 2 years ago
  16. wach Group Title
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    I think it looks good and supplies the right kind of feeling you're going for. When I actually first read it, I didn't realize it was fiction and rightly panicked a little bit. ._. But I guess if you could improve it, combining sentences for longer ones is something you could do? I like it though.

    • 2 years ago
  17. HaperFink22 Group Title
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    Cool thanks! :)

    • 2 years ago
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