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ShotGunGirl

  • 3 years ago

I need crits and suggestions<3 There is no home to return to. The last light fades away. All is lost, the Black sun rises, As Darkness shrouds your way. All good in the world has perished, New eras, no longer ours. The days of man have ended, Replaced with lifeless hours. Moments of death sear all memories Pain is no foreign concept And death lurks in every shadow The smoke of burning and pure hate chokes the trees Losses of nature that signal destruction" Without you Frodo Baggins, this will be our new home.

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  1. countonme123
    • 3 years ago
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    the only part i thought was weird was the "black sun"

  2. ShotGunGirl
    • 3 years ago
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    Well if you are familiar with LOTR, J R R talks about darkness and Legolas mentions a Red sun. It's derived from that concept.

  3. countonme123
    • 3 years ago
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    red does sound better i guess, but if you like it keep it. i was just pointing it out.

  4. ShotGunGirl
    • 3 years ago
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    I'll look into it. Thank you all the same<3 I'll take any crits or suggesttions.

  5. perfectlyimperfect
    • 3 years ago
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    I love it a lot. Had me all wrapped up, aha (;

  6. n9767
    • 3 years ago
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    it's amazing!!!

  7. n9767
    • 3 years ago
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    especially the first verse

  8. ShotGunGirl
    • 3 years ago
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    Thank you<3 I'm working on the next verses.

  9. n9767
    • 3 years ago
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    ohh!! can you post it when you're done? can't wait to read the rest!

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