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you need to fix your grammar and spelling mistakes
what is a word i use most often?
um i dont know??
what part do u think needs more improvement?
your spelling, the grammar
so overall its good?
awe why cant i use simplistic haha
:) haha, it sounds weird, i know what you were going for though
did u like it tho(: was it entertaining cuz i was laughing the whole time i was typing it. I dont like the ending of my essay tho..
:) lol, yeah I liked it. The ending isn't bad. You just need that one final sentence to wrap it up.
u gotta admit their as to be a better way to end it then "I figured I was lucky to have survived and that God blessed me with a second chance."
Correcting your reply: "You have to admit, THERE HAS to be a better way to end it THAN..." Yes there is. The final sentence that I crossed out, replace it with something similar to it but that is meaningful and is connected to what has already been written. Write what you learned from the whole situation, but connect to the story so the reader will understand.
You need to fix your spelling and grammar. You know what you want to say but you aren't using the correct forms of words and such.
If you would like I can correct it for you and send it back.
This is a first draft I assume?
"it", connect "it" to the story, sorry
i already corrected it @Discord all the small stuff are taken care of now. But thanks (: and ya its first draft i wrote it quick haha
"I figured I was lucky to have survived and that God blessed me with a second chance. To learn that even the little things in life can have a big impacted in your life. " hows that!?
Yes but how did it impact you? It is still unclear. What specific thing did you learn? [By the way that sentence should read: "I learned that even little things in life can have a big impact on your life." And it is generic also.]
I learned that little things like jumping in the pool full of crowded people and almost dieing was a lesson learned, To also avoid those if its possibly life threatening :) is that good?!
How about that small adventures can lead to big life lessons?
thats better haha
Look at it with the rest of the story and see how it sounds. Read it out loud for more understanding.
Escaping death, I woke up laying near the pool coughing in confusion to what might've happened. I saw a man over me concerned, asking if I was alright. I assumed he saved me and I thanked him with a hug, wishing that it a hot girl instead. I learned that small advancers can lead to big life lessons and figured I was lucky to have survived thanking God for blessing me with a second chance.
:) hahaha yes it is but you still have a few errors. Try this: Escaping death, I woke up near the pool coughing in confusion as to what might have happened. I saw a man over me, concerned, asking if I was alright. I assumed he saved me and thanked him with a hug (secretly wishing he was a beautiful girl instead). I learned that small adventures can lead to big life lessons and I figured I was lucky to have survived, and thanked God for blessing me with a second chance. I have those words in brackets because they stray a bit from the main line of thought.
:) you're welcome
Now I'm only accepting comments people! :D lol
Great job on this piece Matt. you're an excellent writer I must say and I thoroughly enjoyed reading of the suspense in your story. I think you really connected with your readers and brought out your own voice in your writing. you are very lucky indeed to be alive and are truly blessed. Thank God for miracles huh? :D lol
Ur to kind! <3 :D i gotta thank god for making such a polite attractive girl to! Im glad u enjoyed it(: (to bad it wasn't the actually final final)
lol I try to be as best I can!(: and thank you for sharing it with me, I hope you get an A (:
Me to! Thanks for the compliment! (;
no problem love(;
errr i mean bud((: lol
I like love better ;D
I bet ;P it fits
yes it does (;
well ok then love. you should pm ya?;P