Matt6288
  • Matt6288
tell me what u think
Literature
  • Stacey Warren - Expert brainly.com
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SOLVED
At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.
katieb
  • katieb
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Matt6288
  • Matt6288
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anonymous
  • anonymous
you need to fix your grammar and spelling mistakes
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
what is a word i use most often?

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anonymous
  • anonymous
um i dont know??
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
what part do u think needs more improvement?
anonymous
  • anonymous
your spelling, the grammar
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
so overall its good?
anonymous
  • anonymous
YEP
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
A+?
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
awe why cant i use simplistic haha
anonymous
  • anonymous
:) haha, it sounds weird, i know what you were going for though
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
did u like it tho(: was it entertaining cuz i was laughing the whole time i was typing it. I dont like the ending of my essay tho..
anonymous
  • anonymous
:) lol, yeah I liked it. The ending isn't bad. You just need that one final sentence to wrap it up.
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
u gotta admit their as to be a better way to end it then "I figured I was lucky to have survived and that God blessed me with a second chance."
anonymous
  • anonymous
Correcting your reply: "You have to admit, THERE HAS to be a better way to end it THAN..." Yes there is. The final sentence that I crossed out, replace it with something similar to it but that is meaningful and is connected to what has already been written. Write what you learned from the whole situation, but connect to the story so the reader will understand.
anonymous
  • anonymous
You need to fix your spelling and grammar. You know what you want to say but you aren't using the correct forms of words and such.
anonymous
  • anonymous
If you would like I can correct it for you and send it back.
anonymous
  • anonymous
This is a first draft I assume?
anonymous
  • anonymous
"it", connect "it" to the story, sorry
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
i already corrected it @Discord all the small stuff are taken care of now. But thanks (: and ya its first draft i wrote it quick haha
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
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Matt6288
  • Matt6288
"I figured I was lucky to have survived and that God blessed me with a second chance. To learn that even the little things in life can have a big impacted in your life. " hows that!?
anonymous
  • anonymous
Yes but how did it impact you? It is still unclear. What specific thing did you learn? [By the way that sentence should read: "I learned that even little things in life can have a big impact on your life." And it is generic also.]
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
I learned that little things like jumping in the pool full of crowded people and almost dieing was a lesson learned, To also avoid those if its possibly life threatening :) is that good?!
anonymous
  • anonymous
How about that small adventures can lead to big life lessons?
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
thats better haha
anonymous
  • anonymous
Look at it with the rest of the story and see how it sounds. Read it out loud for more understanding.
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
Escaping death, I woke up laying near the pool coughing in confusion to what might've happened. I saw a man over me concerned, asking if I was alright. I assumed he saved me and I thanked him with a hug, wishing that it a hot girl instead. I learned that small advancers can lead to big life lessons and figured I was lucky to have survived thanking God for blessing me with a second chance.
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
thats hot!
anonymous
  • anonymous
:) hahaha yes it is but you still have a few errors. Try this: Escaping death, I woke up near the pool coughing in confusion as to what might have happened. I saw a man over me, concerned, asking if I was alright. I assumed he saved me and thanked him with a hug (secretly wishing he was a beautiful girl instead). I learned that small adventures can lead to big life lessons and I figured I was lucky to have survived, and thanked God for blessing me with a second chance. I have those words in brackets because they stray a bit from the main line of thought.
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
THX! :D
anonymous
  • anonymous
:) you're welcome
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
Now I'm only accepting comments people! :D lol
anonymous
  • anonymous
Great job on this piece Matt. you're an excellent writer I must say and I thoroughly enjoyed reading of the suspense in your story. I think you really connected with your readers and brought out your own voice in your writing. you are very lucky indeed to be alive and are truly blessed. Thank God for miracles huh? :D lol
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
Ur to kind! <3 :D i gotta thank god for making such a polite attractive girl to! Im glad u enjoyed it(: (to bad it wasn't the actually final final)
anonymous
  • anonymous
lol I try to be as best I can!(: and thank you for sharing it with me, I hope you get an A (:
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
Me to! Thanks for the compliment! (;
anonymous
  • anonymous
no problem love(;
anonymous
  • anonymous
errr i mean bud((: lol
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
I like love better ;D
anonymous
  • anonymous
I bet ;P it fits
Matt6288
  • Matt6288
yes it does (;
anonymous
  • anonymous
well ok then love. you should pm ya?;P
Matt6288
  • Matt6288

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