A community for students.
Here's the question you clicked on:
 0 viewing
anonymous
 4 years ago
My essay..
Its really lame.
@OpenstudyUser @saifoo.khan
anonymous
 4 years ago
My essay.. Its really lame. @OpenstudyUser @saifoo.khan

This Question is Closed

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Because I wanted him to read it. But, I need one person to edit it for me..

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3Animal cruelty is very bad and needs to be stopped. Hurting an animal is like hurting a child. Everything has feelings, and should be treated as so. Through two months of hard work, I learned that it really does pay off. I dont see how the last sentence of this paragraph fits with what you were saying before it.

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0The teacher added that part. The essay was supposed to be something I believe in. And she wouldn't let me do JUST animal cruelty. So I made my belief statement "hard work pays off"

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Hold up..I know how to change that.

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Animal cruelty is very bad and needs to be stopped. Hurting an animal is like hurting a child. Everything has feelings, and should be treated as so. Through two months of watching it happen, and doing what I could to stop it, of hard work, I learned that hard work pays off.

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3Yes, that is a lot better haha. Good.

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0take out 'of hard work'

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"When the kittens got older, I would ask my mom if I could have one" It sounds funny when you said "I would" Shouldnt it be like, "When the kittens got older, I could ask my mom if i could have one"

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0But... I thought it would say 'would ask..' because it would be in the future...

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3But it hadnt actually happened, so "could" would be a better tense to use. Yenno?

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"There were four kittens total: two identical Siamese, an orange tabby, and a black/white one. " Now, i learned today in English class, that we NEVER use the / or \ because its a mathematical symbol of divison. So try putting an "and" between black and white.

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"One had a white mustache, the other had an orange." Orange what?

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Okay, so would that be "One had a white mustache, the other had an orange one"? would use 'one' or 'mustache'?

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"They snuggled into me, when I sat down, purring and falling asleep." Now this sounds funny. Try saying it aloud, and it will not fit in right. So try out: "When I sat down, the kittens snuggled into me, purring and falling asleep. "

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3Yes you would use "one" or "mustache"

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"Time for me to go." Wrong portion of time. You have to have the same tense throughout the whole essay. So instead of that, try out, "It was time for me to go"

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"I’d do all I could." Now, every essay i have written, i was told the same thing. That we will spell everything out. For example: I'd= I would We'd= We would It's= It is She'd= She would. So go through your essay, and make sure you have spelled everything out. No conjunctions.

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Oh joy..This'll be fun. Dx

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"Summer was here, the kittens were 20 days old, and starting to find their legs." Cute sentence. But like I said, stay in tense. So instead of "Summer was here" try, "Summer had arrived"

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"They finally stopped, and as soon as the kitten’s legs touched lap, they took off. " "touched lap" What?

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"My plan was to check on them, feed and water them… Take care of them to show my mom I was responsible." Take the three dots out. You cannot have that in an essay.

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"Monday was here, Marshall and Ocee gone, the kittens free" Two problems here: "Monday was here.." Okay, so like the one before, try out "Monday had finally arrived" Next Problem: "...the kittens free" I dont know how to interpret that.

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Kittens free meaning free form the torture.

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3Then add that. "Monday was here, Marshall and Ocee gone, the kittens were free from torture"

oPENstUDYuSER
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.3"I grabbed the Siamese with the white lip (Milkshake), as soon as I got there, and held her close" This sentence is out of order. "As soon as i got there, I grabbed the Siamese with the white lip (Milkshake), and held her close"

Hero
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Were you supposed to write a narrative or a research paper?

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0oh good point!! @Agent_Sniffles what kind of paper is it??

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0I proofread ur essay @Agent_Sniffles Hope it helps!! lemme know if u need further help proofreading :)

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0the stuff i fixed is in red :) anyhoooo hope it helps!!

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0oh and i put feedback and comments and stuff :) hope that helps u :)

anonymous
 4 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0@Hero I have no clue... It was just supposed to be a belief essay. Thats all she told me.
Ask your own question
Sign UpFind more explanations on OpenStudy
Your question is ready. Sign up for free to start getting answers.
spraguer
(Moderator)
5
→ View Detailed Profile
is replying to Can someone tell me what button the professor is hitting...
23
 Teamwork 19 Teammate
 Problem Solving 19 Hero
 Engagement 19 Mad Hatter
 You have blocked this person.
 ✔ You're a fan Checking fan status...
Thanks for being so helpful in mathematics. If you are getting quality help, make sure you spread the word about OpenStudy.