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Agent_Sniffles

My essay.. Its really lame. @OpenstudyUser @saifoo.khan

  • one year ago
  • one year ago

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  1. Agent_Sniffles
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    Medals 10

    • one year ago
  2. OpenstudyUser
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    Why saif?

    • one year ago
  3. Agent_Sniffles
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    Because I wanted him to read it. But, I need one person to edit it for me..

    • one year ago
  4. OpenstudyUser
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    Animal cruelty is very bad and needs to be stopped. Hurting an animal is like hurting a child. Everything has feelings, and should be treated as so. Through two months of hard work, I learned that it really does pay off. I dont see how the last sentence of this paragraph fits with what you were saying before it.

    • one year ago
  5. Agent_Sniffles
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    The teacher added that part. The essay was supposed to be something I believe in. And she wouldn't let me do JUST animal cruelty. So I made my belief statement "hard work pays off"

    • one year ago
  6. Agent_Sniffles
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    Hold up..I know how to change that.

    • one year ago
  7. Agent_Sniffles
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    Animal cruelty is very bad and needs to be stopped. Hurting an animal is like hurting a child. Everything has feelings, and should be treated as so. Through two months of watching it happen, and doing what I could to stop it, of hard work, I learned that hard work pays off.

    • one year ago
  8. OpenstudyUser
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    Yes, that is a lot better haha. Good.

    • one year ago
  9. Agent_Sniffles
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    take out 'of hard work'

    • one year ago
  10. OpenstudyUser
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    "When the kittens got older, I would ask my mom if I could have one" It sounds funny when you said "I would" Shouldnt it be like, "When the kittens got older, I could ask my mom if i could have one"

    • one year ago
  11. Agent_Sniffles
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    But... I thought it would say 'would ask..' because it would be in the future...

    • one year ago
  12. OpenstudyUser
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    But it hadnt actually happened, so "could" would be a better tense to use. Yenno?

    • one year ago
  13. OpenstudyUser
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    "There were four kittens total: two identical Siamese, an orange tabby, and a black/white one. " Now, i learned today in English class, that we NEVER use the / or \ because its a mathematical symbol of divison. So try putting an "and" between black and white.

    • one year ago
  14. OpenstudyUser
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    "One had a white mustache, the other had an orange." Orange what?

    • one year ago
  15. Agent_Sniffles
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    Okay, so would that be "One had a white mustache, the other had an orange one"? would use 'one' or 'mustache'?

    • one year ago
  16. OpenstudyUser
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    "They snuggled into me, when I sat down, purring and falling asleep." Now this sounds funny. Try saying it aloud, and it will not fit in right. So try out: "When I sat down, the kittens snuggled into me, purring and falling asleep. "

    • one year ago
  17. OpenstudyUser
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    Yes you would use "one" or "mustache"

    • one year ago
  18. OpenstudyUser
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    "Time for me to go." Wrong portion of time. You have to have the same tense throughout the whole essay. So instead of that, try out, "It was time for me to go"

    • one year ago
  19. OpenstudyUser
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    "I’d do all I could." Now, every essay i have written, i was told the same thing. That we will spell everything out. For example: I'd= I would We'd= We would It's= It is She'd= She would. So go through your essay, and make sure you have spelled everything out. No conjunctions.

    • one year ago
  20. Agent_Sniffles
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    Oh joy..This'll be fun. Dx

    • one year ago
  21. OpenstudyUser
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    "Summer was here, the kittens were 20 days old, and starting to find their legs." Cute sentence. But like I said, stay in tense. So instead of "Summer was here" try, "Summer had arrived"

    • one year ago
  22. OpenstudyUser
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    "They finally stopped, and as soon as the kitten’s legs touched lap, they took off. " "touched lap" What?

    • one year ago
  23. OpenstudyUser
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    "My plan was to check on them, feed and water them… Take care of them to show my mom I was responsible." Take the three dots out. You cannot have that in an essay.

    • one year ago
  24. OpenstudyUser
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    "Monday was here, Marshall and Ocee gone, the kittens free" Two problems here: "Monday was here.." Okay, so like the one before, try out "Monday had finally arrived" Next Problem: "...the kittens free" I dont know how to interpret that.

    • one year ago
  25. Agent_Sniffles
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    Kittens free meaning free form the torture.

    • one year ago
  26. OpenstudyUser
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    Then add that. "Monday was here, Marshall and Ocee gone, the kittens were free from torture"

    • one year ago
  27. OpenstudyUser
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    "I grabbed the Siamese with the white lip (Milkshake), as soon as I got there, and held her close" This sentence is out of order. "As soon as i got there, I grabbed the Siamese with the white lip (Milkshake), and held her close"

    • one year ago
  28. OpenstudyUser
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    brb.

    • one year ago
  29. Hero
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    Were you supposed to write a narrative or a research paper?

    • one year ago
  30. iheartfood
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    oh good point!! @Agent_Sniffles what kind of paper is it??

    • one year ago
  31. iheartfood
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    I proofread ur essay @Agent_Sniffles Hope it helps!! lemme know if u need further help proofreading :)

    • one year ago
  32. iheartfood
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    good luck!! :D

    • one year ago
  33. iheartfood
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    the stuff i fixed is in red :) anyhoooo hope it helps!!

    • one year ago
  34. iheartfood
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    oh and i put feedback and comments and stuff :) hope that helps u :)

    • one year ago
  35. Agent_Sniffles
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    @Hero I have no clue... It was just supposed to be a belief essay. Thats all she told me.

    • one year ago
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