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iheartfood
 2 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1i proofread it a bit for you. but i don't think u can make it shorter.... and u must keep everything in one tense... in this case, present tense... here you go... the parts i fixed are in red :) hope that helps!

Venomblast
 2 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0so you are saying it is good enough the way i had it?

iheartfood
 2 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1i would use the one where i fixed it since there were a lot of errors and you need to stick to one tense... but what you wrote was good... just use the parts i fixed :)

Venomblast
 2 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0ok thanks you so much :)
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