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AngelDreamGurl

  • 2 years ago

Review my paper? Anything extra I could change?

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  1. AngelDreamGurl
    • 2 years ago
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    The Passion of Cooking I remember standing on my tippy toes watching my grandma cook; building pillow forts in the living room with my mom then cuddling up and watching Rachel Ray; all the trials and errors of my food experimentation, and the stacks of dishes that followed, but most of all I remember my family and I bonding over the freshly prepared entrees and desserts. I really enjoy cooking as it lets me express my feelings. Also, I love to learn other chefs’ “tricks of the trade”, especially those from other countries, as they have new and interesting ways to do things. A few months ago, I was an apprentice for an Italian restaurant owner in Florida. We made puff pastries, Danish dishes, and coffee cakes. This experience taught me a lot about the history of cooking, the old fashion ways of cooking and measuring, as well as the way a restaurant works. Ever since I was a little girl, one of my biggest dreams was to own my own bakery. Not only do I want to learn how to be professional at it, but also to work with other chefs and bakers and learn how to cook just for fun. One day, people will be eating the most delicious cupcakes and they're going to have my bakery's name on it!"

  2. MandyMicheala
    • 2 years ago
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    This looks good. :)

  3. Captain_Page_Turner
    • 2 years ago
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    Just a few simple things to share: Semi-colons aren't bad, but in this case, it might just be better to use a comma and build a complete sentence instead for better flow: ---------------- I remember standing on my tippy toes watching my grandma cook, later building pillow forts in the living room with my mom then cuddling up and watching Rachel Ray. ---------------- The next part could also flow a bit better if it we spin it like this: I remember all the trials and errors of my food experimentation and the stacks of dishes that followed, but most of all, I remember bonding with my family over the freshly prepared entrees and desserts. This merges the fragments describing your trials into the next piece that began with "but" creating a nice, complete thought in one go. Also, changing "I remember my family and I" to "I remember bonding with my family" reduces the redundancy on having to say "I" so often in that instance. Don't forget to indent your two paragraphs that start with "A few months ago" and "Ever since I was a little girl". Otherwise, good job! Now I'm in the mood for cupcakes. Preferably the chocolate kind. :)

  4. AngelDreamGurl
    • 2 years ago
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    Haha Thanks so much!

  5. Captain_Page_Turner
    • 2 years ago
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    Glad to help!

  6. Ihatemath1234
    • 2 years ago
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    hey Angelique this is danyla i know it says brooky cut but that is becuase my mom didnt want me to put my real name.... how are u... where did u move too????

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