Okay so I'm writing a paper on the difference between natural cleaning agents and like the hard core bleach I already wrote the INTRO, The Part Where I Bash on Bleach, & The Part Where I Say Why Natural IS Better but IDK What to put next... I need like one more paragraph then a conclusion. I have to have 500 words and I have 223 now... any help?

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Okay so I'm writing a paper on the difference between natural cleaning agents and like the hard core bleach I already wrote the INTRO, The Part Where I Bash on Bleach, & The Part Where I Say Why Natural IS Better but IDK What to put next... I need like one more paragraph then a conclusion. I have to have 500 words and I have 223 now... any help?

Writing
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Some mothers may worry about chemicals in their home, all of them should. A lot of common chemicals we casually use in our home can be disguised like they are safe harmless, environmentally friendly products, and although this may be true sometimes, in most cases the cleaning products you buy at your local grocery store can be harmful to your body and your health. Accidental combination of cleaning chemical can cause nausea, respiratory problems, and in serious cases there have been fatalities. Does that sound like anything you’d want your child or family member burdened with? Natural, homemade, products are the solution. Bleach is an extremely harsh, corrosive, and toxic chemical, which can cause horrible health risks such as: eye irritation, respiratory issues, throat irritation, and severe allergic reactions on the skin. Why would we want to use products like this in our homes? Some people argue that they need bleach to keep their homes clean, but in reality there are homemade solutions that you can use that are not harsh or corrosive, yet still have the affectivity that bleach has. If you mix hydrogen peroxide, vinegar, lemon juice, and water you get a mixture that won’t remove the dye from your clothes, brightens fabrics, and cleans. The most surprising natural alternative is just pure sunlight; it kills bacteria after about six hours.
@Girl.On.Fire Help me?
In your intro instead of saying " like they are safe" I would instead say, " as though they are safe". There should be a comma between safe and harmless. After you say " environmentally friendly products" you should end the sentence to avoid a run-on. In the sentence "Accidental combination of cleaning chemical can cause nausea, respiratory problems, and in serious cases there have been fatalities " you should get ride of " there have been " instead put, " and in serious cases, fatality. " In the first sentence of your second paragraph you say "such as:" instead you use a " ; ". When you say "Why would we want to use products like this in our homes?" I would get rid of " want to". In the first sentence of the third paragraph instead of saying " Some people argue that they need bleach to keep their homes clean " say " Some argue that bleach is needed to keep their homes clean " and there should not be a comma after that.

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For your next paragraph, I would research more facts. Use phrases to pull the reader in. Something like " your on the bathroom floor using bleach despite the toxic smell burning your eyes but consider the harmful effects these chemicals cause." Capturing the reader's attention on a personal note can really help your essay come alive. I would also talk about how bleach products harm the environment and contribute to global warning. If you can do that and then write a concluding paragraph, I think your essay will be great :) I hope this helps!
That is the EXACT type of advice I was looking for, I will be sure to take all of this into consideration! Thanks so much! X
No problem! Let me know if you need anymore help :)
  • phi
The writing advice is excellent. If the genre is fiction, then you are OK. But if the genre is non-fiction, you may be marked down for not being factual. Consider http://www.blurtit.com/q789922.html which states in part "The direct combination of the two substances, hydrogen peroxide and vinegar, produces a strong oxidizing agent known as peracetic acid..." "The substance at high concentrations can be highly corrosive and cause irritation to the skin, eyes and respiratory system. Long-term exposures to the substance can cause permanent lung damage. " On the other hand, bleach, if dilute enough, is safe to drink (Your water is probably chlorinated (bleach!). You could write more accurately if you wrote about how much it costs to use either substance, at what strength either is dangerous.
Well the mixture is HEAVILY diluted. With a 1/2 gallon of water and you can switch out the vinegar with lemon juice for a healthier affect.

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