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erdog82

  • 2 years ago

What do you think of my story? Please be free to tell me any errors I made or any improvements I should make. (The story is in the comments)

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  1. erdog82
    • 2 years ago
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    Too Late The fifth one ended up in France. This time, a news reporter, who unfortunately, had the task of reporting the murders. Now someone else had to report her murder. Why in France? Her mother and father were on vacation there. They saw her drop, out of nowhere, and almost be shish-kabobed on the Eiffel Tower. This was the first "non – authority" who was found dead. The murderer, now known as "Phantom" was killing normal, innocent people; but they weren't innocent to him. The first four were all police men; found dead piled up in a jail cell in their own police station. The four officers were lying in a pool of blood, with bullet casings around them. This must have been done furtively, as the whole thing should have been recorded on a nearby security camera - though all there was on the footage was static. People were mystified, who was this psycopath? "Good morning everyone!" The small, old - fashioned radio blared. "It is six o'clock on this sunny Sunday morning." A big, muscular hand picked up the radio and threw it against the wall. The man got dressed, he was ready, it was time. The soccer game was okay for Allan's team, but he was still angry. His team never won, and this game wasn't any different. He knew it was only a game, (and he was constantly reminded of that by his wife, who was tired of getting new radios) but he sometimes forgot that he was dealing with six - year olds who cared more about the ice cream trucks that drove past the field than the game itself. Allan made a mental note to buy an indestructible radio and to stop by the police station to pick up the rest of the documents from the case he was working on. It was a gruesome case, one that everyone else was reluctant work on. It was now up to him. It wasn’t a prosaic case, a string of five murders, all thought to be done by the same person. The first four were all police officers, some of them, Allan knew well. He felt this case was up to him now, and that he needed to solve this as soon as he could. Allan bought a new radio on the way to the police station. It was the last purchase he made before he was found dead. He was found in a ditch, his body pierced with bullet holes, as was his car, which was found nearby. Six were now dead. Now, everyone who ever tried to go against Phantom was in peril. Phantom showed indifference. Never caring about who died, and never getting caught. Everyone, no matter near or far, knew about the murders now. The case went on interminably, as person after person was suspected to be Phantom, but the allegations were never true. No one ever talked about the case anymore, for they were afraid of being the next victim. But the murders kept happening, known only to the victims’ immediate family. The case was forgotten, but Phantom kept on going. No one knew what started this rampage, and though no one ever mentioned Phantom anymore, Phantom found ways to justify the murders, never showing any guilt, as the deaths were always done without remorse. Phantom was and still is insane, and no one knows where Phantom is, or anything about the monster of a person who is Phantom. Phantom could be watching you right now; any person around you could be Phantom. This document contains information that needs to be heard, but it also contains information that can get you killed. Phantom could be anywhere, waiting for the next victim. You have been warned, but it may be too late.

  2. partyrainbow276
    • 2 years ago
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    it looks perfect :)

  3. erdog82
    • 2 years ago
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    thanks :)

  4. lostintranslations
    • 2 years ago
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    too many commas, be careful. I only read the first paragraph. sounds interesting though.

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