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Got love in my soul Hate in my eyes this world is so cold I cant wait to say my good byes I’ve made it to heaven I've sinned I admit I use to hang by seven eleven Cocky? Just a little bit Flirty? Comes naturally you can look but please don’t touch not my type? Leave me alone seriously cant have me? Pretty much got the the body of a goddess and a face like and angel I’m pretty but not the hottest I’m sweet but not special I’m shy but not easy I'm serious but not heartless don’t hurt me ill make it very clearly my true homies my fortress please excuse my hearts hardness been hurt to much my hearts in darkness emotions in a bunch 10 commandment? Don’t make a judgment have no other god besides me-kept it real you must not make for yourself and idol-so far im an angel You must not use name of the lord your god in vain-got to be careful .......TO BE CONTINUED......
~~~~~~CONTINUATION 4.Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy- forget it I’m shameful 5.Honor you mother and your father-why is it so hard? 6.Your must not murder-hands clean of others blood 7.You must not commit adultery-even cheating is hard 8.You must not steal-I might be wanted 9.You must not testify falsely against your neighbor- never 10.You must not covet-not a claimer there I told you what were my sins judge me see if I care ....TO BE CONTINUED..... SORRY IT TAKES TIME TO WRITE THIS BUT I LOVE IT.
what do yo think so far?
its good where its says my hearts in a darkness....u should add it with like": my hearts in darkness....it lies in a pile with my emotions or something like that....but either way its really good....i love it ,ur a true poet ahaha
thanks i have more but there not so good i still havent finish but almost done...just need a title and a few more lines
TITLES: what lies underneath,whats hidden underneath,beneath the darkness,who i am,
no its good, all u need is a title(: im sorry if i gave u some bad ones, im trying to think ...
u could use this extra line if u wanted this:Icy chill of thought becomes A steely shimmer.
u could do as a title :shadows in the light,or light in the shadow or something...
haha its kewl lets see how bout shadows of my life!!!??
yeah ..that sounds good...very different ...(: did u come up with all of the lines by urself...because theyr so good...mysterious and very different..haha i wish i can do poetry like that..
its easy some guy on here showed me how to do poetry but he hasnt came on just write your feelings and then it takes flight there
ohhh ahaha well good luck and no problem(:
i love it :) you did a extremly good job
thanks hopefully Mr critical don't say nun
That was fantastic! I loved it. Must've read it about 3 times now. ..
thanks haha it was something i just did when i didnt wana do school
Interesting. This has some potential, but I would work on your word choices a little bit. Also turning this into a song would be a little difficult as far as timing goes. Great job so far though.
thank you but poetry is what you make it not what others want but thats for you comment but no thank you
i like my poetry thanks for comment but ill go my own way
those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind...once u figure out what it means ....honestly anyones opinion won't matter anymore(:
haha i like ^
lol well its true...
@seiga well, said. The things I say are obviously not gospel. They are just suggestions. Do what you want. Do what feels right. I only say these things because that's what I think from my perspective.
yep so true....haha life is what you make it not what others want it to be
@tanner23456 yes do what you want but out side the music chat and outside my poetry chat ok thank you
I don't know what you're getting upset about. You people tend to over react. I was giving you a compliment.
sometimes us girls are too sensitive,but its only because when we dont put up a wall...everyone steps all over us...we appreciate ur comment /...lol
@AnaheimNena714 don't worry....leave it a poem....do ur own title.and type a smile in theyr ....its UR poem(:
GET THAT MY POEM HAHA
SORRY @seiga I JUST CRACKED MY SELF UP IGHT THERE LOL
I thin you should name it Beneath My Heart :)
^thats a good title
or truth be exposed lol
i Like Beneath My Heart
yep ok Beneath My heart hey how bout "Truth beneath my heart"?
that ones good too
what do you think @jenn777
great so that it is :)