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Princess Teshova Anna Maura felt happy when she saw the sun. She was soon going to meet Prince Edward Dogbane. Anna was his bride-to-be. She did not know who he was or what he looked like, but she did not care. All she cared about was finding the right person. While she was looking at the sky, some clouds covered up the sun from view. She frowned, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw a royal carriage headed toward her castle. At first sight, she thought it was Prince Edward. So, she hurried to the main room to greet him warmly. When she got to the main room, she realized that she was not wearing proper clothing. So, she went back up to her room. Looking at a closet full of dresses, she picked a pink dress with puffy sleeves and a sparkly skirt. For the slippers, she chose sparkly pink four-inch high heels. The tiara was made of the diamonds died pink. She put some makeup on and when her maid came to get her, she walked to the main room calmly. When she went in, she saw her mother, Queen Marianna Maura, talking to a young man that looked like a prince. He had brown hair, an outfit that looked like the prince meeting outfit, and when he talked, he had a manly voice. At first sight, Princess Anna just loved him and nearly fainted. “Are you Princess Teshova Anna Maura?” the man asked. “I am. Are you Prince Edward Dogbane?” Princess Anna asked. “Yes, nice to meet you my lady,” he said in a friendly manner. He bowed and Princess Anna curtseyed. Princess Anna led him to the royal garden so they could talk privately. As they talked, they could not help but think about a wedding. They walked around the garden. All of a sudden, Prince Edward got down on one knee and asked Princess Anna to marry him. Before she could respond, her father, King Gordon Maura, came in, looked at them, and exclaimed, “No.” “Why Papa?” Anna asked. “It’s too early for him to be asking you,” he replied. “What do you mean ‘it’s too early’?” Prince Edward asked. “You two just met.” “But we-,” Anna said nervously. “No ifs ands or buts about it now come on.” King Gordon commanded. The next day when they met, they went to the woods. Prince Edward asked the same question he did yesterday before King Gordon interrupted them. This time no one interrupted and Anna gladly said yes. They walked back to the castle just in time to see Queen Marianna carrying a white dress inside. She must have seen them because she hurried inside and upstairs. Anna and Edward glanced at each other and they too hurried inside. While Prince Edward went to the guestroom, Princess Anna went to her room. As she did, she saw her mother in her room with the white dress. Princess Anna stopped in amazement; it was a wedding dress. She almost could not say, “mother it’s beautiful,” in her bedazzled state. “I know. I’m working on the veil,” Queen Marianna said. “Since I heard what happened yesterday I decided to start getting everything ready.” “It’s for me?!” Anna asked astonishingly. “Of course it is. Did Prince Edward ask you again today?” she asked. “Yes and I said yes.” “Wonderful.” “Did you talk to papa about what he did?” Princess Anna asked. “Of course I did. I told him that it was wrong for him to have interrupted you two.” Queen Marianna replied in a sweet tone. “What did he say?” “He said that you two are too young. I know it’s not true.”
Also if you have any suggestions post them here.
instead of "bride-to-be" you could say she was his betrothed
ok, thank you. :)
i think you use "sparkly" and "pink" too many times in the 3rd paragraph. you should come up with some synonyms glittery, shimmery rose, fuchsia etc, etc
first sentence in the fourth paragraph, "that" should be "who"
This is a story I started writing as a child and I have stuck to it ever since. So any suggestions and all suggestions will be considered and the story will be edited. All suggestions/corrections are welcomed.
okie :] i don't wanna bombard you lol
your fine, anything to make it a better story and more understandable is a GOOD suggestion/correction. :)
so the mom wants the marriage, but the dad doesn't. usually it's the other way around. they marry off their daughters to strengthen the bonds with their allies
Well, that is kinda the way it is supposed to be, but the dad just wishes THE question had not popped up so soon, even if they were to be wed.
i think if they were to be wed, the arrangement would have been made since they were born or whatever. and they would know they were gonna be married, so the question wouldn't have needed to be asked
i don't know :l am i ruining this for you? :/
No, but you certainly made me think about the story which is good don't get me wrong. But one thing is for certain some things will get explained later on it the story that even I couldn't believe when I was typing this.
Like I said each week there will be a new chapter, just to keep you waiting and anyone who wants read it and give suggestions a chance to do so. Feel free to spread the word about this story.
it was Incredibly great...Wondering r u a treasure of Thoughts...!!
New chapter posted. Called Chapter 2 of the Land of Youth.