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can somebody check my essay and tell me how it is please thanks

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this is reeeally good, but i think you jumped into your topic too quick.
yeah i thought the same thing xD i have problems fitting it all in to one paper lol

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Other answers:

try using an "attention grabber".
do you have an suggestions xD i can't think of any thing lol
hmm... well.. let's think, what would make someone in your targeted age group be like "WOAH I WANNA READ THAT"?
Please check the attached file.
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@Dean.Shyy You rock !!!!! Thanks man
@brookie5150 sorry for the late reply i had to change classes and did not have a chance to get back on xD is this a good idea should i start out with an quote from the story to make them want to keep on reading ??
Remember to put your essay into 5 paragraphs. 1) Introduction 2) 1st Paragraph 3) 2nd Paragraph 4) 3rd Paragraph 5) Conclusion
Specifically, make sure you include at least 4-5 sentences for each paragraph. 1) Opening statement of what you want to talk about in this paragraph 2) Sentence & Supporting facts 3) Sentence & Supporting facts 4) Sentence & Supporting facts 5) Closing remark of what you said in the paragraph
@Dean.Shyy wow dude thank you so much i really appreciate it !!!

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