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can somebody check my essay and tell me how it is please thanks

Writing
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At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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this is reeeally good, but i think you jumped into your topic too quick.
yeah i thought the same thing xD i have problems fitting it all in to one paper lol

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Other answers:

try using an "attention grabber".
do you have an suggestions xD i can't think of any thing lol
hmm... well.. let's think, what would make someone in your targeted age group be like "WOAH I WANNA READ THAT"?
Please check the attached file.
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@Dean.Shyy You rock !!!!! Thanks man
@brookie5150 sorry for the late reply i had to change classes and did not have a chance to get back on xD is this a good idea should i start out with an quote from the story to make them want to keep on reading ??
Remember to put your essay into 5 paragraphs. 1) Introduction 2) 1st Paragraph 3) 2nd Paragraph 4) 3rd Paragraph 5) Conclusion
Specifically, make sure you include at least 4-5 sentences for each paragraph. 1) Opening statement of what you want to talk about in this paragraph 2) Sentence & Supporting facts 3) Sentence & Supporting facts 4) Sentence & Supporting facts 5) Closing remark of what you said in the paragraph
@Dean.Shyy wow dude thank you so much i really appreciate it !!!

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