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Sup_open~study

  • one year ago

Can somebody please help me revise my essay and change things if needed please i really appreciate it !!!!!! :)

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  1. Sup_open~study
    • one year ago
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  2. Sup_open~study
    • one year ago
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    @brookie5150 can you please help :)

  3. dimensionx
    • one year ago
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    A few questions before I give suggestions, Is there an official prompt for your essay? Are you looking to revise the essay for correctness or are you looking for ways to improve the overall effect?

  4. Sup_open~study
    • one year ago
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    @dimensionx i am looking to revise it for correctness :)

  5. AshleyWagnerCA
    • one year ago
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    do you still need help?

  6. Sup_open~study
    • one year ago
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    @AshleyWagnerCA Yes Please !!!

  7. AshleyWagnerCA
    • one year ago
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    im here what do you need help with

  8. Sup_open~study
    • one year ago
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    can you revise the essay for me and mark my mistakes please ???

  9. AshleyWagnerCA
    • one year ago
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    sure it will take me a little bit. I can message you when i am done.

  10. AshleyWagnerCA
    • one year ago
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    is the one on top the paper?

  11. Sup_open~study
    • one year ago
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  12. dimensionx
    • one year ago
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    I have just received the file and will mark mistakes, I will make it available in my next reply.

  13. dimensionx
    • one year ago
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    I've marked corrections to the first half of your essay. Some points: - You need to review your grammar rules, there were a handful of sentence fragments and verb/subject disagreements. - You repeatedly used "but" and "now" in your essay. It was very distracting and unnecessary. - You need to capitalize "I" all the time. - You need to always capitalize "American". - If you capitalized "American Dream" at the beginning, it should remain capitalized in the rest of your essay. - Separate your ideas into paragraphs for better organization. - You repeated the same idea in a single sentence several times. - You need to end questions with a question mark (?). Make your essay better by: - Using more transitions to improve the flow of ideas in your essay. - Using better transitions! - Using more variation in sentence structure and syntax. - Using more advanced vocabulary to enhance your diction. If you want me to continue to help revise your essay, please make changes to the first half (or even the second half) and resubmit so I know you're committed to writing an excellent essay. -Dimenxionx

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