Sup_open~study
  • Sup_open~study
Can somebody please help me revise my essay and change things if needed please i really appreciate it !!!!!! :)
Writing
schrodinger
  • schrodinger
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At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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Sup_open~study
  • Sup_open~study
Sup_open~study
  • Sup_open~study
@brookie5150 can you please help :)
anonymous
  • anonymous
A few questions before I give suggestions, Is there an official prompt for your essay? Are you looking to revise the essay for correctness or are you looking for ways to improve the overall effect?

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Sup_open~study
  • Sup_open~study
@dimensionx i am looking to revise it for correctness :)
anonymous
  • anonymous
do you still need help?
Sup_open~study
  • Sup_open~study
@AshleyWagnerCA Yes Please !!!
anonymous
  • anonymous
im here what do you need help with
Sup_open~study
  • Sup_open~study
can you revise the essay for me and mark my mistakes please ???
anonymous
  • anonymous
sure it will take me a little bit. I can message you when i am done.
anonymous
  • anonymous
is the one on top the paper?
Sup_open~study
  • Sup_open~study
anonymous
  • anonymous
I have just received the file and will mark mistakes, I will make it available in my next reply.
anonymous
  • anonymous
I've marked corrections to the first half of your essay. Some points: - You need to review your grammar rules, there were a handful of sentence fragments and verb/subject disagreements. - You repeatedly used "but" and "now" in your essay. It was very distracting and unnecessary. - You need to capitalize "I" all the time. - You need to always capitalize "American". - If you capitalized "American Dream" at the beginning, it should remain capitalized in the rest of your essay. - Separate your ideas into paragraphs for better organization. - You repeated the same idea in a single sentence several times. - You need to end questions with a question mark (?). Make your essay better by: - Using more transitions to improve the flow of ideas in your essay. - Using better transitions! - Using more variation in sentence structure and syntax. - Using more advanced vocabulary to enhance your diction. If you want me to continue to help revise your essay, please make changes to the first half (or even the second half) and resubmit so I know you're committed to writing an excellent essay. -Dimenxionx
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