anonymous
  • anonymous
PLEASE HELP REVISE tHIS SHORT SHORT STORY
English
  • Stacey Warren - Expert brainly.com
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SOLVED
At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.
chestercat
  • chestercat
I got my questions answered at brainly.com in under 10 minutes. Go to brainly.com now for free help!
anonymous
  • anonymous
“Dr. Mason , you have a patient waiting” said the assistant. “Send him in” asserted Dr. Mason. Tom, the patient walks in with a wide grin on his face. Dr. Mason gave a weird first glance at Tom. Without further ado Dr. Mason stated” Welcome, Tom how are you?” May I help you Tom?” Tom replied “ Doc. thanks for asking,I'm very delightful but on the other hand i had an extraordinary days. Dr. Mason was compelled to say” What happened do tell mister tell? “Okay, so Doc. when I go to bed everyday, i start to go to “dream mode” everyday. And thats not the weird part.” After dreaming i start sleepwalking. As Tom goes on Dr. Mason scrutinizes the story closely. Tom continue to explain. He goes on saying ‘Dr. I had to endure a lot” I saw that my brother Jason as demon, pushed me into a well like whole underground. And I was sent/fell into a place adorned with chandeliers, red carpets and such a person can't afford. Right then I woke up. I had realized I was sent to the emperor. His name was Akhbar. His majesty sent me to fight the enemy dragon. I was speechless. It was enormous, ugly, smelly etc. It was impossible to fight it. He was ready to devour me . But luckily, I ran away when until i came across a lamp that had a genie. A genie popped up and said he’ll grant me 1 wish only. So as a wise man would do , I wished to return back into my normal world. Finally i had found my self back into my room laying on the bed texting my friends.” Dr. Mason was astonished to hear this.
anonymous
  • anonymous
@Ashleyisakitty @Compassionate @ganeshie8 @Mr.ClayLordMath @thomaster
anonymous
  • anonymous
hlp

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Compassionate
  • Compassionate
I'll read it in a minute. Busy right now.
anonymous
  • anonymous
kk
anonymous
  • anonymous
Okay, so in your first long paragraph, "Tom continue to explain" put "Tom continues.." that's the first grammar mistake. Instead of saying "sent/fell" just put fell since you're going down a well. "But luckily, I ran away when until i came across a lamp that had a genie" in this sentence, you need to capitalize the "I" and take out the "until" it's not necessary. That's all I see
Compassionate
  • Compassionate
>I'm very delightful Singular. You mean, "I am." - To be. >I am very delightful (ful?) >I am very delighted (Now that's more like it) ------------------------------------------------- > thanks for asking,I'm very delightful but on the other hand i had an extraordinary days. Thank (you) for asking, I (am) very delight(ed), (However), on the other hand, I had an extraordinary DAY(Not days). ------------------------------------------------- I could go on, but I have to go.
anonymous
  • anonymous
Oh, I didn't even see that
Compassionate
  • Compassionate
>Dr. Mason was compelled to say” What happened do tell mister tell? Compelled, Doctor mason replied, "What happened; do tell! Mister, tell?"
anonymous
  • anonymous
fixed it compassionate
anonymous
  • anonymous
what are you tying compassionate?
Compassionate
  • Compassionate
>“Okay, so Doc. when I go to bed everyday, i start to go to “dream mode” everyday. And thats not the weird part.” After dreaming i start sleepwalking. As Tom goes on Dr. Mason scrutinizes the story closely. >"Okay(are we have?), Doc., (add a coma) when I go to bed everyday(you go to bed in the day? Lol.), I(capitalize) start to go to (to go to? Where are we going? I hope it's a theme park!) "dream mode" (You just used quotations inside of quotations) everyday(once again, we already know this happened "every day" why restate it?). And (Why are you starting sentences with "and".) thats(you mean that's?) not the weird part." After dreaming(add a COMMA!) I started sleepwalking. As(Why as? Why not just Tom) goes goes on Dr. Mason (OH no! Why is Tom ON Dr. Mason! I hope he's okay!) scrutinizes the story closely (He must know the story personally! LOL) ---------------------------------------------------------- Now, I'll fix your mistakes. Original Text > >“Okay, so Doc. when I go to bed everyday, i start to go to “dream mode” everyday. And thats not the weird part.” After dreaming i start sleepwalking. As Tom goes on Dr. Mason scrutinizes the story closely. Re-written >>"Alright, Doc., when I sleep each night, I go into 'dream-mode.' That's not the weird part. After dreaming I start sleepwalking." Tom goes on, Dr. Mason scrutinizes the story. I love it when you said >After dreaming I start sleepwalking As if you were implying you were aware you were sleepwalking, or conscious, and remembered your dreams. But, hey, it's your story.
Compassionate
  • Compassionate
I can pick apart your story more. You gave me the job to ruin your dreams.
anonymous
  • anonymous
i jst need to be more gramaatically corect and stuff
Compassionate
  • Compassionate
I'm trying to show you where you made your mistakes so you don't make them again.
anonymous
  • anonymous
ur helping me improve my writing skills thanks
Compassionate
  • Compassionate
>. Tom continue to explain. He goes on saying ‘Dr. I had to endure a lot” I saw that my brother Jason as demon, pushed me into a well like whole underground. And I was sent/fell into a place adorned with chandeliers, red carpets and such a person can't afford. Right then I woke up. I had realized I was sent to the emperor. His name was Akhbar. His majesty sent me to fight the enemy dragon. I was speechless. It was enormous, ugly, smelly etc. It was impossible to fight it. He was ready to devour me . But luckily, I ran away when until i came across a lamp that had a genie. A genie popped up and said he’ll grant me 1 wish only. So as a wise man would do , I wished to return back into my normal world. Finally i had found my self back into my room laying on the bed texting my friends.” Dr. Mason was astonished to hear this. CAPITAL words are CORRECTIONS Tom CONTINUED to explain. he goes on saying, "Dr., I had to endure a lot." I saw that my brother Jason WAS a demon. HE pushed me into a HOLE underground. I fell into a place adorned with chandeliers, red carpets, and BEAUTIES NO PERSON COULD AFFORD. Right then, I woke up. I had realize I was sent to the emperor. His name was Akhbar. His majesty sent me to fight AN enemy dragon. I was speechless. It was enormous, ugly, AND smelly. It was impossible to fight. He was ready to devour me. But luckily, I ran away until I came across a lamp that had a genie. A genie popped up and said he'll grant me ONE wish. So, as a wise man would do, I wished to return back to my world. Finally, I had found myself INSIDE my room, laying on the bed texting my friends." Dr. Mason was astonished to hear this.
anonymous
  • anonymous
is that no more editing?
Compassionate
  • Compassionate
I edited all your story. Piece it together. Are you American?
anonymous
  • anonymous
yes why?
anonymous
  • anonymous
how about u?

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