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Tahmina Group Title

plz hep with this very very short story revise and edit

  • one year ago
  • one year ago

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  1. Tahmina Group Title
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    It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin. “ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told. “Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason. “Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.” “Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended. Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out. Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms.

    • one year ago
  2. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Falco276

    • one year ago
  3. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    hmmm okay so it just needs edited? it looks just fine to me

    • one year ago
  4. Tahmina Group Title
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    i want the story to end by saying dr. mason and jaden fall in love

    • one year ago
  5. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    so you need help with the ending?

    • one year ago
  6. Tahmina Group Title
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    yeah and making the story make sense and gramatically correct

    • one year ago
  7. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    hmm okay im a little busy right now, but ill see what i can do

    • one year ago
  8. Tahmina Group Title
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    hy whaat grade are u in?

    • one year ago
  9. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    im in 9th

    • one year ago
  10. Tahmina Group Title
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    me 2 honors 9

    • one year ago
  11. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    cool :)

    • one year ago
  12. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    okay, i would suggest adding in Jaden more at the beginning of the story, and make her act like she like dr. mason, so that way it makes a little more sense. but overall, i think its good :)

    • one year ago
  13. Tahmina Group Title
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    how would i end it

    • one year ago
  14. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Ashleyisakitty

    • one year ago
  15. Tahmina Group Title
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    @ganeshie8

    • one year ago
  16. Tahmina Group Title
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    @texaschic101 @help123please.

    • one year ago
  17. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Compassionate

    • one year ago
  18. texaschic101 Group Title
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    I am not much of a writer, but I agree with KattGirl a little bit in the way that if the story is about Dr. Mason and Jaden falling in love, you are putting too much in there about Jerry and not enough about Jaden.

    • one year ago
  19. Tahmina Group Title
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    i have a part one where i talk about jaden

    • one year ago
  20. texaschic101 Group Title
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    oh...well that makes a difference.

    • one year ago
  21. Tahmina Group Title
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    wat should i title it

    • one year ago
  22. texaschic101 Group Title
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    Secret Love ?? lol

    • one year ago
  23. Tahmina Group Title
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    heres my story feel free editing https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_w3wOJUvmFuayiwDnkL3_90rgkt-yfqZnPxfdGzp1G8/edit

    • one year ago
  24. Tahmina Group Title
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    @help123please.

    • one year ago
  25. Tahmina Group Title
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    what do you think for title

    • one year ago
  26. Compassionate Group Title
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    It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin. “ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told. “Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason. “Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.” “Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended. Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out. Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms. _____________________________________________________________________________ >It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason's cabin (Good) >"Dr. Mason, you called me? My name is Jerry." SAID HE >"Yes, Jerry, you are my next patient. (PERIOD) Come on in, I am ardent to help you out with your problems." REPLIED DR. MASON. >Sit down, (Comma!) and tell me Jerry, (Comma!) what's wrong? (Question mark!) Just ponder me as a friend. (Ponder? That doesn't make sense. I suggest using a new word.) >"ALRIGHT (Never use 'okay') I WILL (Not SHALL) be regaled to begin." TOM REPLIED >Dr. Mason's radio STARTED playing a song called: "I'll be missing you." Tom, right at that MOMENT (No need for the 'spec'), Jerry starts visualizing his mother's and wife's tragic death. With his mind, he starts puffing and huffing and PUTS himself in a fit(Considering rearranging and changing some words "Puts himself in a fit." doesn't make much sense.) >JErry STARTS to produce a vase, boos, and suitcase (NEVER USE "ETC") and throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden, (COMMA!) the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos, THEN (not AND) decides to help Dr. Mason.(Not need for the OUT) >Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason's arms. (This is correct.)

    • one year ago
  27. Compassionate Group Title
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    >The Adventures of Tom, Jerry, and Jaden How about: Jerry, Tom, and Jaden's Big Adventure

    • one year ago
  28. Tahmina Group Title
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    like it u have anything btter and i hav to use ponder it means to consider

    • one year ago
  29. Tahmina Group Title
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    hey guys i have to end the story but how?

    • one year ago
  30. Tahmina Group Title
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    i have to still use the worsd sheer and elicit

    • one year ago
  31. Compassionate Group Title
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    >Just ponder me as a friend Ehrm, that doesn't make sense, Tahmina. Ponder doesn't really mean 'to consider' >"He pondered about the mysteries of our universe." <- That makes sense. >"Just ponder about who you are - who I am, as a friend." <-- That make sense. >Just ponder me as friend <-- That does NOT make sense.

    • one year ago
  32. Tahmina Group Title
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    how shold i use it then in this sotry

    • one year ago
  33. Tahmina Group Title
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    synonyms: think about, contemplate, consider, i know it doesnt make sense but i have t put it in the story

    • one year ago
  34. Tahmina Group Title
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    ur right but i have no idea whrre to place it

    • one year ago
  35. Compassionate Group Title
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    Rephrase your sentence and use a sentence I suggested.

    • one year ago
  36. Tahmina Group Title
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    i use the second one but hoe cn i end he stry

    • one year ago
  37. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    • one year ago
  38. Compassionate Group Title
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    I haven't even read your story.

    • one year ago
  39. Tahmina Group Title
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    plz do

    • one year ago
  40. Tahmina Group Title
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    compassionate plz do read

    • one year ago
  41. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    • one year ago
  42. Compassionate Group Title
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    I can't now. I have to go. I already edited and told you what to do. End it how you want.

    • one year ago
  43. Tahmina Group Title
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    okay :)

    • one year ago
  44. Tahmina Group Title
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    thanks for all the help

    • one year ago
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