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Tahmina Group Title

plz hep with this very very short story revise and edit

  • 10 months ago
  • 10 months ago

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  1. Tahmina Group Title
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    It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin. “ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told. “Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason. “Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.” “Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended. Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out. Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms.

    • 10 months ago
  2. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Falco276

    • 10 months ago
  3. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    hmmm okay so it just needs edited? it looks just fine to me

    • 10 months ago
  4. Tahmina Group Title
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    i want the story to end by saying dr. mason and jaden fall in love

    • 10 months ago
  5. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    so you need help with the ending?

    • 10 months ago
  6. Tahmina Group Title
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    yeah and making the story make sense and gramatically correct

    • 10 months ago
  7. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    hmm okay im a little busy right now, but ill see what i can do

    • 10 months ago
  8. Tahmina Group Title
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    hy whaat grade are u in?

    • 10 months ago
  9. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    im in 9th

    • 10 months ago
  10. Tahmina Group Title
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    me 2 honors 9

    • 10 months ago
  11. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    cool :)

    • 10 months ago
  12. KattGirl14 Group Title
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    okay, i would suggest adding in Jaden more at the beginning of the story, and make her act like she like dr. mason, so that way it makes a little more sense. but overall, i think its good :)

    • 10 months ago
  13. Tahmina Group Title
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    how would i end it

    • 10 months ago
  14. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Ashleyisakitty

    • 10 months ago
  15. Tahmina Group Title
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    @ganeshie8

    • 10 months ago
  16. Tahmina Group Title
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    @texaschic101 @help123please.

    • 10 months ago
  17. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Compassionate

    • 10 months ago
  18. texaschic101 Group Title
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    I am not much of a writer, but I agree with KattGirl a little bit in the way that if the story is about Dr. Mason and Jaden falling in love, you are putting too much in there about Jerry and not enough about Jaden.

    • 10 months ago
  19. Tahmina Group Title
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    i have a part one where i talk about jaden

    • 10 months ago
  20. texaschic101 Group Title
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    oh...well that makes a difference.

    • 10 months ago
  21. Tahmina Group Title
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    wat should i title it

    • 10 months ago
  22. texaschic101 Group Title
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    Secret Love ?? lol

    • 10 months ago
  23. Tahmina Group Title
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    heres my story feel free editing https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_w3wOJUvmFuayiwDnkL3_90rgkt-yfqZnPxfdGzp1G8/edit

    • 10 months ago
  24. Tahmina Group Title
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    @help123please.

    • 10 months ago
  25. Tahmina Group Title
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    what do you think for title

    • 10 months ago
  26. Compassionate Group Title
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    It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin. “ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told. “Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason. “Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.” “Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended. Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out. Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms. _____________________________________________________________________________ >It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason's cabin (Good) >"Dr. Mason, you called me? My name is Jerry." SAID HE >"Yes, Jerry, you are my next patient. (PERIOD) Come on in, I am ardent to help you out with your problems." REPLIED DR. MASON. >Sit down, (Comma!) and tell me Jerry, (Comma!) what's wrong? (Question mark!) Just ponder me as a friend. (Ponder? That doesn't make sense. I suggest using a new word.) >"ALRIGHT (Never use 'okay') I WILL (Not SHALL) be regaled to begin." TOM REPLIED >Dr. Mason's radio STARTED playing a song called: "I'll be missing you." Tom, right at that MOMENT (No need for the 'spec'), Jerry starts visualizing his mother's and wife's tragic death. With his mind, he starts puffing and huffing and PUTS himself in a fit(Considering rearranging and changing some words "Puts himself in a fit." doesn't make much sense.) >JErry STARTS to produce a vase, boos, and suitcase (NEVER USE "ETC") and throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden, (COMMA!) the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos, THEN (not AND) decides to help Dr. Mason.(Not need for the OUT) >Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason's arms. (This is correct.)

    • 10 months ago
  27. Compassionate Group Title
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    >The Adventures of Tom, Jerry, and Jaden How about: Jerry, Tom, and Jaden's Big Adventure

    • 10 months ago
  28. Tahmina Group Title
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    like it u have anything btter and i hav to use ponder it means to consider

    • 10 months ago
  29. Tahmina Group Title
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    hey guys i have to end the story but how?

    • 10 months ago
  30. Tahmina Group Title
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    i have to still use the worsd sheer and elicit

    • 10 months ago
  31. Compassionate Group Title
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    >Just ponder me as a friend Ehrm, that doesn't make sense, Tahmina. Ponder doesn't really mean 'to consider' >"He pondered about the mysteries of our universe." <- That makes sense. >"Just ponder about who you are - who I am, as a friend." <-- That make sense. >Just ponder me as friend <-- That does NOT make sense.

    • 10 months ago
  32. Tahmina Group Title
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    how shold i use it then in this sotry

    • 10 months ago
  33. Tahmina Group Title
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    synonyms: think about, contemplate, consider, i know it doesnt make sense but i have t put it in the story

    • 10 months ago
  34. Tahmina Group Title
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    ur right but i have no idea whrre to place it

    • 10 months ago
  35. Compassionate Group Title
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    Rephrase your sentence and use a sentence I suggested.

    • 10 months ago
  36. Tahmina Group Title
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    i use the second one but hoe cn i end he stry

    • 10 months ago
  37. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    • 10 months ago
  38. Compassionate Group Title
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    I haven't even read your story.

    • 10 months ago
  39. Tahmina Group Title
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    plz do

    • 10 months ago
  40. Tahmina Group Title
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    compassionate plz do read

    • 10 months ago
  41. Tahmina Group Title
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    @Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    • 10 months ago
  42. Compassionate Group Title
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    I can't now. I have to go. I already edited and told you what to do. End it how you want.

    • 10 months ago
  43. Tahmina Group Title
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    okay :)

    • 10 months ago
  44. Tahmina Group Title
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    thanks for all the help

    • 10 months ago
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