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Tahmina
Group Title
plz hep with this very very short story
revise and edit
 one year ago
 one year ago
Tahmina Group Title
plz hep with this very very short story revise and edit
 one year ago
 one year ago

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Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin. “ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told. “Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason. “Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.” “Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended. Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out. Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms.
 one year ago

KattGirl14 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
hmmm okay so it just needs edited? it looks just fine to me
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
i want the story to end by saying dr. mason and jaden fall in love
 one year ago

KattGirl14 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
so you need help with the ending?
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
yeah and making the story make sense and gramatically correct
 one year ago

KattGirl14 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
hmm okay im a little busy right now, but ill see what i can do
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
hy whaat grade are u in?
 one year ago

KattGirl14 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
im in 9th
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
me 2 honors 9
 one year ago

KattGirl14 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
cool :)
 one year ago

KattGirl14 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
okay, i would suggest adding in Jaden more at the beginning of the story, and make her act like she like dr. mason, so that way it makes a little more sense. but overall, i think its good :)
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
how would i end it
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
@Ashleyisakitty
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
@ganeshie8
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
@texaschic101 @help123please.
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
@Compassionate
 one year ago

texaschic101 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
I am not much of a writer, but I agree with KattGirl a little bit in the way that if the story is about Dr. Mason and Jaden falling in love, you are putting too much in there about Jerry and not enough about Jaden.
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
i have a part one where i talk about jaden
 one year ago

texaschic101 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
oh...well that makes a difference.
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
wat should i title it
 one year ago

texaschic101 Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
Secret Love ?? lol
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
heres my story feel free editing https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_w3wOJUvmFuayiwDnkL3_90rgktyfqZnPxfdGzp1G8/edit
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
@help123please.
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
what do you think for title
 one year ago

Compassionate Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2
It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin. “ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told. “Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason. “Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.” “Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended. Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out. Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms. _____________________________________________________________________________ >It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason's cabin (Good) >"Dr. Mason, you called me? My name is Jerry." SAID HE >"Yes, Jerry, you are my next patient. (PERIOD) Come on in, I am ardent to help you out with your problems." REPLIED DR. MASON. >Sit down, (Comma!) and tell me Jerry, (Comma!) what's wrong? (Question mark!) Just ponder me as a friend. (Ponder? That doesn't make sense. I suggest using a new word.) >"ALRIGHT (Never use 'okay') I WILL (Not SHALL) be regaled to begin." TOM REPLIED >Dr. Mason's radio STARTED playing a song called: "I'll be missing you." Tom, right at that MOMENT (No need for the 'spec'), Jerry starts visualizing his mother's and wife's tragic death. With his mind, he starts puffing and huffing and PUTS himself in a fit(Considering rearranging and changing some words "Puts himself in a fit." doesn't make much sense.) >JErry STARTS to produce a vase, boos, and suitcase (NEVER USE "ETC") and throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden, (COMMA!) the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos, THEN (not AND) decides to help Dr. Mason.(Not need for the OUT) >Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason's arms. (This is correct.)
 one year ago

Compassionate Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2
>The Adventures of Tom, Jerry, and Jaden How about: Jerry, Tom, and Jaden's Big Adventure
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
like it u have anything btter and i hav to use ponder it means to consider
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
hey guys i have to end the story but how?
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
i have to still use the worsd sheer and elicit
 one year ago

Compassionate Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2
>Just ponder me as a friend Ehrm, that doesn't make sense, Tahmina. Ponder doesn't really mean 'to consider' >"He pondered about the mysteries of our universe." < That makes sense. >"Just ponder about who you are  who I am, as a friend." < That make sense. >Just ponder me as friend < That does NOT make sense.
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
how shold i use it then in this sotry
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
synonyms: think about, contemplate, consider, i know it doesnt make sense but i have t put it in the story
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
ur right but i have no idea whrre to place it
 one year ago

Compassionate Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2
Rephrase your sentence and use a sentence I suggested.
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
i use the second one but hoe cn i end he stry
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
@Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 one year ago

Compassionate Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2
I haven't even read your story.
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
compassionate plz do read
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
@Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
 one year ago

Compassionate Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2
I can't now. I have to go. I already edited and told you what to do. End it how you want.
 one year ago

Tahmina Group TitleBest ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0
thanks for all the help
 one year ago
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