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anonymous
 3 years ago
plz hep with this very very short story
revise and edit
anonymous
 3 years ago
plz hep with this very very short story revise and edit

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anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin. “ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told. “Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason. “Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.” “Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended. Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out. Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms.

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0hmmm okay so it just needs edited? it looks just fine to me

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0i want the story to end by saying dr. mason and jaden fall in love

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0so you need help with the ending?

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0yeah and making the story make sense and gramatically correct

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0hmm okay im a little busy right now, but ill see what i can do

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0hy whaat grade are u in?

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0okay, i would suggest adding in Jaden more at the beginning of the story, and make her act like she like dr. mason, so that way it makes a little more sense. but overall, i think its good :)

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0@texaschic101 @help123please.

texaschic101
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0I am not much of a writer, but I agree with KattGirl a little bit in the way that if the story is about Dr. Mason and Jaden falling in love, you are putting too much in there about Jerry and not enough about Jaden.

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0i have a part one where i talk about jaden

texaschic101
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0oh...well that makes a difference.

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0wat should i title it

texaschic101
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Secret Love ?? lol

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0heres my story feel free editing https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_w3wOJUvmFuayiwDnkL3_90rgktyfqZnPxfdGzp1G8/edit

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0what do you think for title

Compassionate
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin. “ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told. “Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason. “Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.” “Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended. Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out. Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms. _____________________________________________________________________________ >It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason's cabin (Good) >"Dr. Mason, you called me? My name is Jerry." SAID HE >"Yes, Jerry, you are my next patient. (PERIOD) Come on in, I am ardent to help you out with your problems." REPLIED DR. MASON. >Sit down, (Comma!) and tell me Jerry, (Comma!) what's wrong? (Question mark!) Just ponder me as a friend. (Ponder? That doesn't make sense. I suggest using a new word.) >"ALRIGHT (Never use 'okay') I WILL (Not SHALL) be regaled to begin." TOM REPLIED >Dr. Mason's radio STARTED playing a song called: "I'll be missing you." Tom, right at that MOMENT (No need for the 'spec'), Jerry starts visualizing his mother's and wife's tragic death. With his mind, he starts puffing and huffing and PUTS himself in a fit(Considering rearranging and changing some words "Puts himself in a fit." doesn't make much sense.) >JErry STARTS to produce a vase, boos, and suitcase (NEVER USE "ETC") and throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden, (COMMA!) the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos, THEN (not AND) decides to help Dr. Mason.(Not need for the OUT) >Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason's arms. (This is correct.)

Compassionate
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2>The Adventures of Tom, Jerry, and Jaden How about: Jerry, Tom, and Jaden's Big Adventure

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0like it u have anything btter and i hav to use ponder it means to consider

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0hey guys i have to end the story but how?

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0i have to still use the worsd sheer and elicit

Compassionate
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2>Just ponder me as a friend Ehrm, that doesn't make sense, Tahmina. Ponder doesn't really mean 'to consider' >"He pondered about the mysteries of our universe." < That makes sense. >"Just ponder about who you are  who I am, as a friend." < That make sense. >Just ponder me as friend < That does NOT make sense.

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0how shold i use it then in this sotry

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0synonyms: think about, contemplate, consider, i know it doesnt make sense but i have t put it in the story

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0ur right but i have no idea whrre to place it

Compassionate
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2Rephrase your sentence and use a sentence I suggested.

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0i use the second one but hoe cn i end he stry

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0@Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Compassionate
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2I haven't even read your story.

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0compassionate plz do read

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0@Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Compassionate
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.2I can't now. I have to go. I already edited and told you what to do. End it how you want.

anonymous
 3 years ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0thanks for all the help
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