Can someone please proofread what I have so far? I need to fix the thesis statement I have and create a conclusion. (500-700 words; third person objective view)

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Can someone please proofread what I have so far? I need to fix the thesis statement I have and create a conclusion. (500-700 words; third person objective view)

Writing
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At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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My assignment says this for the thesis statement -- It should included your subjective definition of the topic (your focus) as well as include a preview of the two areas you will use for development of your two body paragraphs.
hey can you check out my song?
Umm sure

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it looks good
very women impowering
Thank you.. But I need my thesis fixed and a conclusion :/
cool
so any advice other than what you said about my song
I dont know much about songs

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