anonymous
  • anonymous
This is my first song that I really feel has potential. Opinions? Song is in the comments box. (I have not recorded it yet I would just like to know opinions on lyrics!)
Writing
  • Stacey Warren - Expert brainly.com
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SOLVED
At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.
katieb
  • katieb
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anonymous
  • anonymous
All alone in the darkness afraid to open up my eyes. This feeling inside no I cannot shake, for I am afraid that I might realize, that it's a dream. For I might realize that it's just a dream. And when I realize that it's not a dream, it starts to scare me yeah, it really scares me. 'Cause I'm just a child. Trapped in this night-marish dream. Or is it real? Or is it real? Or is it real?
1 Attachment
anonymous
  • anonymous
it is a short song
anonymous
  • anonymous
so?

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Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I really like it! If you can you should keep going with it. Did you draw or make that picture?
anonymous
  • anonymous
no i did not but i could if i wanted to
anonymous
  • anonymous
so i need to make it longer but other than that advice peps?
anonymous
  • anonymous
peeps*
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Oh okay.. Id have more of an opinion if I could hear someone singing it
anonymous
  • anonymous
how would i record it?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
You said above that you haven't recorded it yet..?
anonymous
  • anonymous
ya
anonymous
  • anonymous
but i think that i didn't read your entire essay
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
So when you do you could youtube or something them post the link on here for people to listen and give opinions.
anonymous
  • anonymous
ok cool imma finish reading your essay
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
What part did you not read? I have three paragraphs
anonymous
  • anonymous
oh i thought it was three pgs
anonymous
  • anonymous
ok
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Nope.. Any advise on a conclusion :/
anonymous
  • anonymous
hold on
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Holding
anonymous
  • anonymous
for the conclusion restate the main idea
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Easier said then done
anonymous
  • anonymous
true
anonymous
  • anonymous
sounds good
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Thanks but im stuck
anonymous
  • anonymous
on?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
What to write after that
anonymous
  • anonymous
idk
anonymous
  • anonymous
but you have a new fan
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Oh thank you
anonymous
  • anonymous
you need a comma after short
anonymous
  • anonymous
other than that i'd say it was beautiful
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay.. Anything else? And is yourself okay to say when an essay is in 3rd person point of view?
anonymous
  • anonymous
ya i mean i have no problem with it =D
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay thank you :) .. If you add more to your song Id love to read it
anonymous
  • anonymous
ok cool thx for your imput
anonymous
  • anonymous
@JellyCakes love it :D
anonymous
  • anonymous
thank you!
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
That's a nice song.
anonymous
  • anonymous
thank you i think it needs a little work tho
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Meh, I suppose. I honestly couldn't give you any constructive criticism on it, but I suppose a few tweaks here and there and it'll be perfect. Keep at it! ^_^
anonymous
  • anonymous
thank you for your opinion!!!
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
You're Welcome! ^_^
rvc
  • rvc
Cool!
anonymous
  • anonymous
thank you!!
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
you might want to put it in the music section, a lot of good song writers are in there who could help you.
anonymous
  • anonymous
thank you for your advise!!! :)
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Most of them are rappers though, so watch out. :P
anonymous
  • anonymous
its great I love it
anonymous
  • anonymous
thank you @MAkaylabvb
anonymous
  • anonymous
i thought that it was a great song and u should write more
anonymous
  • anonymous
@jellycakes can you write music and have you written the music for it yet. Because honestly if you havent or dont know how it prob will never be a song but forever in the form of a poem
anonymous
  • anonymous
do you want to work as a song wrighter for my band?
freeG13
  • freeG13
i like it but i think it is about someone lost not in a dream but in life itself
anonymous
  • anonymous
yup ypu are correct
anonymous
  • anonymous
you*
freeG13
  • freeG13
plus i think it is beautiful and "Or is it real,is it real, is it real" should be the chores
anonymous
  • anonymous
@MAkaylabvb yes i would like that. idk if i would be any good but i can try
anonymous
  • anonymous
thank you for your feed back @freeG13
freeG13
  • freeG13
welcome thx you for being an awesome songwriter/maybe singer @JellyCakes
anonymous
  • anonymous
i am only a 6th grader so...
freeG13
  • freeG13
8th grader plus in K-12 online school
freeG13
  • freeG13
can you sing?
freeG13
  • freeG13
I think it is a slow song but in the chores it goes a little faster then back to slow maybe a duet
freeG13
  • freeG13
hello? @JellyCakes
freeG13
  • freeG13
do you play an instrument?
anonymous
  • anonymous
@freeG13 i just went to eat dinner and you blocked me...
anonymous
  • anonymous
i do not play an instrument but if i do next year i will play a wind instrument
anonymous
  • anonymous
i meant i will be a 6th grader next year
anonymous
  • anonymous
@freeG13
anonymous
  • anonymous
hello?
freeG13
  • freeG13
hello
anonymous
  • anonymous
can u unblock me plz?
freeG13
  • freeG13
and what school are you in?
freeG13
  • freeG13
did not block you
freeG13
  • freeG13
plus love your name
anonymous
  • anonymous
i was in k-12 like you but i am going to a traditional middle school next year. i was in this thing called blinded learning and they worked with k-12
anonymous
  • anonymous
oh thank you. i like urs
anonymous
  • anonymous
wait if you didn't block me then wt happened?
freeG13
  • freeG13
i have no idea
anonymous
  • anonymous
it says "This user does not accept messages."
anonymous
  • anonymous
oh i was going to tell u i can sing.
freeG13
  • freeG13
oh sorry wait one minute
freeG13
  • freeG13
oh sorry wait one minute
anonymous
  • anonymous
when i was in 4th grade i got my own solo and this year i got a solo. but i mainly sing in my free time when no one is around.
freeG13
  • freeG13
yea me too and is this better?
anonymous
  • anonymous
is wt better?
anonymous
  • anonymous
oh ya it is better
freeG13
  • freeG13
um never mind
anonymous
  • anonymous
thank you but what happened?
freeG13
  • freeG13
so are you on facebook?
anonymous
  • anonymous
no i am not.
freeG13
  • freeG13
um on my profile i thought i was going to have notified emails and well ya
anonymous
  • anonymous
oh ok that happened to me i understand wt happened
freeG13
  • freeG13
but hey what do you think if the song is turned into a doet
anonymous
  • anonymous
it was annoying i was just minding my own business and it was like "verify your email" *doomy voice*
anonymous
  • anonymous
i don't know i think it would become confusing because of what the song is about
anonymous
  • anonymous
if it were a duet i just don't feel like it would have the feeling that i won't it to have
freeG13
  • freeG13
ya maybe your right it is your song :) ;) :)
anonymous
  • anonymous
wont*
freeG13
  • freeG13
*want*
freeG13
  • freeG13
so hey what do you look like?
anonymous
  • anonymous
well i do appreciate the fact that you are trying to help instead of saying "ya it was good i liked it" or something like that and thank you for correcting me i am just tired and it is summer and i just didn't rly want to think
anonymous
  • anonymous
um what do i like?...
anonymous
  • anonymous
what do u mean like songs? fav color? fav pet?
anonymous
  • anonymous
stuff like that?
freeG13
  • freeG13
what do you LOOK LIKE?
freeG13
  • freeG13
hahahhahahahhahhaahah
anonymous
  • anonymous
oh LOOK LIKE? oh i have brown hair glasses um...
anonymous
  • anonymous
brown skin like caramel
anonymous
  • anonymous
i am short
anonymous
  • anonymous
that about sums me up
freeG13
  • freeG13
i look like the profile picture on the left with the peach
anonymous
  • anonymous
i like that picture
anonymous
  • anonymous
hey could you hold on a sec my mom wants me to put away dinner. brb
anonymous
  • anonymous
but say what you were going to say then i will go
freeG13
  • freeG13
thanks it was like last year though
anonymous
  • anonymous
cool
freeG13
  • freeG13
nice chating with you
anonymous
  • anonymous
u too ;)
freeG13
  • freeG13
bye
anonymous
  • anonymous
bye
anonymous
  • anonymous
Thank you guys so much for supporting me. I l<3 ve you guys!
anonymous
  • anonymous
I also thank you for giving me advise!

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