Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Can someone proofread my essay? Please. I will metal and fan
Writing
jamiebookeater
  • jamiebookeater
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At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I need another 100 words. And help fixing my thesis statement.. It needs to follow this-- It should include your subjective definition of the topic (your focus) as well as include a preview of the two areas you will use for the development of your two body paragraphs.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Need 74 more words Real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big. That young women must do anything they can to stay small, such as dieting and exercising. And to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted that there are standards to follow. Conventional beauty has caused low body image in women, and low self-esteem. Women compare themselves to other women because they want to be accepted. This has prompted some women to self harm and/or hate themselves. It has created eating disorders in teenage girls and young women, but males can have eating disorders as well. This is from dieting being taken too far, people commenting or change in appearance, smaller waist. Causing women who are dieting to continue, because of the change, they lose sight of what they wanted and focus on what society, in general, wants. Many things can cause eating disorders to begin, stress is one of the top causes. Stress can be from anything, school, employment, thinking about the future. Sports or activities can also increase the risk, such as dancing or gymnastics. Beauty standards throughout time have changed, but all women are compared to these standards. Beginning in Ancient Egypt the standards were slender, narrow shoulders, high waist and a symmetrical face, from this era to post modern beauty today the standards have been thin, full bodied, curvy, full lips, tall, boyish, small feet, and a whole bunch more. Because of these standards women have gone to great lengths, in Victorian England women wore corsets to achieve the ideal body shape; today women regularly get plastic surgery to achieve their desired look, or wear a wig to change their hair color and put on enormous amounts of makeup. Once the makeups off, who will recognize the beautiful young woman before them? Since women change their appearance most have low self-esteem, they feel down about themselves. A woman's natural beauty is real and not an illusion. A thin, tall and average sized foot girl or a curvy, short, and fair skinned girl are both beautiful. No matter what women look like, we are all beautiful. Inside and out we all have our own combination of qualities, shape, color, or size that is pleasing especially to sight. Plato quoted "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder," the beholder is yourself.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
@Destinyyyy , do you still need help?

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Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Well I've only read the first bit that you posted (as a comment, I haven't looked at the download) But I see that you started a sentence with the word 'And', in my my lessons, they said that you should never start a sentence with the word 'And' because it looses your reader's interest. Perhaps you should write "They also believe that they have to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair."
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
What do you think, @Destinyyyy ?
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Wait a moment, I made an error with my suggestion, I'll rephrase that. "They also believe that young women must change their bodies with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair."
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Today's society mistakes beauty with creepy, and creepy with beauty. Why is it so hard to see that looking like a natural beauty is much more wonderful than looking like a creepy old Barbie doll. Societies standards are not even realistic anymore.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Though exercising is not something we do because we want to stay thin, It is something we must do to stay healthy. No body wants to date some one who constantly eats junk food and does not move around. People all riot about how unnatural models are and how unrealistic they are. When it is a good support for someone to want to stay healthy. Dieting is not necessarily a bad thing, but "starving" yourself is not how you diet. Dieting is when you make healthier food choices by following the food pyramid. You have your organic grains and milk, and then also have your protein from home cooked meats. It's good to eat junk food now and then as a little snack, to reward yourself. but don't go chugging 5 liters of soda in one serving and a bag of potato chips. Brace yourself.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I just wrote you some topics that can fit your essay.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Hope that helps.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I like it thank you. Anything else? @YoungStudier
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I think they will.. Can you help me with the thesis? @Afrodiddle
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I'm going to go get lunch at subway real quick, why don't you work on a different assignment while i'm gone?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Alright.. I have 20 more assignments I have to do for this class due tomorrow that ill work on. Thank you
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
TOMORROW?!?!
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am an Atheist, but you need Jesus.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yup.. Over 50 assignments for this class that I have to complete in a week. Its down to 20... Lol seriously
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
o.o I am so sorry for you. I am about to cry from hearing this.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I thought online classes end at june 30th
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Im in college for the summer term. Its an 8 week long class thats usually 4 months
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
And im taking three other classes with it.. So much fun :(
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Why they do dis?!?!?! that's evil.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yeah! I have no clue. I wish that I was told this before starting the class. But its to late now
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
>:(
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
This is why ive been begging for help on here
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Too bad you can't mass tag.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I will try to help as much as I can.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
@Destinyyyy , did my suggestion help at all?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
lol okay thank you.. Yes it did @YoungStudier
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Ok, glad I could help, do you want me to see if I can think of anything else?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yes please!
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
3rd paragraph, last sentence could use some work, one sec
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay.. I lost my train of thought on that one :/
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Okay how about: Some women who change their appearance might have low self-esteem. They feel down about themselves and think that they have to change. However, this is not the case for other women who change just because they think it's cool and want to be part of the popular crowd.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I like it and it looks/sounds a lot better. Thank you!
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
No problem! I'll see what else I can do until @Afrodiddle comes back
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I was never gone...... Someone else went to get food. :P
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Oh, oops. XD
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I stubbed my toe and lost my train of thought.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
totally forgot about this.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Ouch :/
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I think you should take out exercising because that is actually a requirement in life.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
In put in "Dieting in a wrong and unhealthy way"
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Are you talking about the intro?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
yes.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
That young women must do anything they can to stay small, such as dieting. Dieting in a wrong and unhealthy way. ??
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
This way we can also make a new paragraph topic about how women seem to think eating less food is dieting, instead of changing their daily intake into something healthier.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I can only have 4 paragraphs js
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay.. Where am I putting that exactly?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid, what they are told to do is completely unhealthy. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted that there are standards to follow.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
putting it all together in the first paragraph.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Also remember that at a beginning of a new paragraph you need to place an indent.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay.. " because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like," of how a woman is suppose to look like? ..or.. of what a woman is suppose to look like?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Lol, remove the "A"
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yes. Once I have all the words I need and its perfect im going to do the double space and indent
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay :)
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Do you need any more assistance or do you guys have a handle on it?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am sooooo hungry. Brb, I'm going to go take out the trash to distract myself.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Lmao okay.. You can stay to help if youd like @YoungStudier
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I now have 544 words.. But I still need the thesis fixed to how the teacher wants it
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
M-kay.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Wait, how's the teacher want it exactly?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
It needs to follow this-- It should include your subjective definition of the topic (your focus) as well as include a preview of the two areas you will use for the development of your two body paragraphs.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
I'm sorry, this might be a dumb question that has a no duh answer, but what's your focus for the essay?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Um beauty??
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
So, how beauty is viewed in the world today, right?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
If your topic is beauty, then I make a perfect definition. just give your teacher a picture of me.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
LOL
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Um sure.. Lmao
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
So, @Destinyyyy , what is your thesis statement?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Unknown.. I suck at thesis statements -.-
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Ok let's see....
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
My topic word is beauty.. Women's beauty
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
With the world’s definition of real beauty today, it’s hard to feel good about yourself. With the way the media talks, it makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is way too big and it is unacceptable. They believe that young women must do anything they can to stay small, such as dieting and exercising. They also believe that young women must change their bodies with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
I revised your first paragraph, what do you think?
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I like it but @Afrodiddle changed it to-- Real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid, what they are told to do is completely unhealthy. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted that there are standards to follow.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
It's up to you what you want to write. I was just making a suggestion ^_^
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I could change it to -- With the world’s definition of real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid, what they are told to do is completely unhealthy. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Sentence 2 of @Afrodiddle 's paragraph does seem to run on quite a bit, doesn't it? :-/
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Um yeah
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
cut out "In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid, what they are told to do is completely unhealthy"
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I noticed that too. But decided to ignore it. :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
lol so - Real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted that there are standards to follow. or With the world’s definition of real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
brb gonna get some food
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
The second one seems more formal, I would go with that.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Meh, personally I like mine better. XD
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
My Mom gets annoyed when I make run on sentences so I don't think College teachers would exactly be happy either....... ^_^
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
so both vote for #2
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay :) Um does it cover what she wants for the thesis or..?
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
This would be the paragraph I wrote: With the world’s definition of real beauty today, it’s hard to feel good about yourself. With the way the media talks, it makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is way too big and it is unacceptable. They believe that young women must do anything they can to stay small, such as dieting and exercising. They also believe that young women must change their bodies with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful. O.O, did anyone notice that both paragraphs she posted have been changed?
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
I believe that they cover the thesis, but then again I'm in 6th grade so......
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Not the thesis, goodness, what the teacher wants. :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I combined what you both wrote
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
@Afrodiddle what grade are you in?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
8th technically... I think... I am not sure really.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Oh that explains it. LOL
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Oh gezzz.. Next year when school begins will you be in 9th?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I dont know. I just finished 9th grade classes.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I will probably skip a grade.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
So youll be in 10th?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
This year I was in 8th.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Finished my 8th grade classes and 9th.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Oh wow.. Umm not sure either.. Are you home schooled?? And back to my essay does it look done now? Have I covered the thesis the teacher wants or?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am home schooled but supposed to go into public school after the summer.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Post your new story.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
When I said that it explained a lot, I was talking to @Destinyyyy , I was not making fun of you @Afrodiddle
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
What do you mean? :P @YoungStudier
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Hmm I think youll be in 10th then since youve completed 8th and 9th... And I know you were talking to me @YoungStudier
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
When you helped me with that other essay I thought you were a senior or a college freshman like me
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am an advanced student, you just tell me what to do, I google it, and come to a complete understanding.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Impressive
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
It can become boring at times. :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Very true
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
I know, but it posted after @Afrodiddle posted and I didn't want to send a negative message even though it was not on purpose.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Don't worry. I do not suspect a negative tone from you, so I could not really imagine that you were talking about me.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Oh ok, just making sure. ^_^
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
With the world’s definition of real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful. Conventional beauty has caused low body image in women, and low self-esteem. Women compare themselves to other women because they want to be accepted. This has prompted some women to self harm and/or hate themselves. It has created eating disorders in teenage girls and young women, but males can have eating disorders as well. This is from dieting being taken too far, people commenting or change in appearance, smaller waist. Causing women who are dieting to continue, because of the change, they lose sight of what they wanted and focus on what society, in general, wants. Many things can cause eating disorders to begin, stress is one of the top causes. Stress can be from anything, school, employment, thinking about the future. Sports or activities can also increase the risk, such as dancing or gymnastics. Beauty standards throughout time have changed, but all women are compared to these standards. Beginning in Ancient Egypt the standards were slender, narrow shoulders, high waist and a symmetrical face, from this era to post modern beauty today the standards have been thin, full bodied, curvy, full lips, tall, boyish, small feet, and a whole bunch more. Because of these standards women have gone to great lengths, in Victorian England women wore corsets to achieve the ideal body shape; today women regularly get plastic surgery to achieve their desired look, or wear a wig to change their hair color and put on enormous amounts of makeup. Once the makeups off, who will recognize the beautiful young woman before them? Some women who change their appearance might have low self-esteem. They feel down about themselves and think that they have to change. However, this is not the case for other women who change just because they think it's cool and want to be part of the popular crowd. A woman's natural beauty is real and not an illusion. A thin, tall and average sized foot girl or a curvy, short, and fair skinned girl are both beautiful. No matter what women look like, we are all beautiful. Inside and out we all have our own combination of qualities, shape, color, or size that is pleasing especially to sight. Plato quoted "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder," the beholder is yourself.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
It is looking much better.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Let me check for any grammar mistakes. I know college can be strict about those things.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
It looks much better! ^_^
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay thank you :)
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Just post it in word, it'll pick out any misspellings but not grammar usage mistakes (unfortunately)
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
In the first sentence, it does not sound right with a repetitive word.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
"With the world’s definition of real beauty in the world today" You see?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yeah.. How should I fix it?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Well, try looking for synonyms.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
drop "in the world"
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Do you have a student thesaurus?.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
It'll read "With the world's definition of real beauty today"
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Or.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
No I dont
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
"With societies definition of real beauty in the world today"
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
That actually sounds better than my suggestion XD
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Would I need to change the second sentence then?
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
I don't believe so @Afrodiddle what do you think?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Try not to repeat a word too many times unless necessary.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Let me check.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
It sounds about right.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
I gotta go @Afrodiddle take over. :D
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Pretend like you are talking to the reader. Read back to yourself to hear if anything sounds out of the ordinary.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
What classes are you taking by the way?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
As you are in college I recommend going to a local book store and buying a Dictionary and a Thesaurus, you will be surprised how handy they are.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I put it into google translate and have it read it to me lol.. Composition 1, Macroeconomics. Intermediate algebra, and computer applications
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
in the second to last sentence of the first paragraph I suggest changing it from "Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful. " -to- "A women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to have a grasp on beauty."
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Ill look into that.. I have websters new world dictionary.. Completely forgot i had this
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
They make you take Algebra in college? o.o
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Alright I did.. And yes. Everything you learn in high school about math can be throw out once you get in college. They teach you easier ways to solve things and most of the info your learn, you wont ever need
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
UGHHHH I thought this was done and gone.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Nope
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
OMG
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am going to go cry to myself now.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Lol sorry
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Alright, I am going to proof read the second para now.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I think this will need to be changed-- It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to have a grasp on beauty. ... In the third paragraph I have beauty standards throughout time. So saying "today" will confuse things
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Lets change today to generation.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
"It seems that in today's generation there are standards to follow, in order for women to get a grasp on beauty."
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
:/ That makes me think of now the 2000 and not back to Ancient Egypt
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Good. that is what we are going for. It is the correct timeline that this has started to take turn in.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Roaring 20s helped too. The Flappers. The roaring 20s is also when makeup came out and everyone had to try it.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
um okay I think
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Flappers were young women who went against what was normally accepted. They bobbed their hair, wore makeup, and did things that appalled older generations.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
The roaring twenties-- Flat chested, downplayed waist, short bob hairstyle, boyish figure. Those were the standards back then
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
In this generation with all this social media and stuff is when it is starting to take effect on the young minds that this is how we are supposed to look like.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Which is why I said this generation. The 2000's is the age of technology.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
What happens on the internet takes effect on everyone's personality.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Heh, talk about it. One of my sisters is practically glued to her Ipod. One of my cousins is either on her phone or on her ipad and then there is an occasion or two when she isn't on either. :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Im fine with it as long as it flows with the whole essay
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Have you heard how japans women love the look of bags under their eyes and crooked teeth? o.o
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Um no this is a first :o
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Look.
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YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
O.O Really?!?!?!?!?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Thats weird
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
LOL, guess I'm attractive by Japan's standards
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Wow.. I put tea bags on my eyes if they look swollen
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
This is a good example of how beauty does not exist. It is the illusion our mind goes under of what the people around us "think" is pretty.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yeah
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Japan thinks looking like a child who just stopped crying is beautiful.
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Yeah, like Nicki Manaj running around on stage in an outfit that would get you arrested if you ran around with that on on the streets
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yep.. Anything else that needs to be changed?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
1 Attachment
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Hold on.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Give me the new story, I forgot what we changed already. :P
YoungStudier
  • YoungStudier
Sorry, I have to get going again. Gotta finish up my school. Bye! ^_^
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Ewwww Im now scarred for life... Good like on your paper @YoungStudier
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
with the recent changes.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
With society's definition of real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. A woman's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that in today's generation there are standards to follow, in order for women to get a grasp on beauty Conventional beauty has caused low body image in women, and low self-esteem. Women compare themselves to other women because they want to be accepted. This has prompted some women to self harm and/or hate themselves. It has created eating disorders in teenage girls and young women, but males can have eating disorders as well. This is from dieting being taken too far, people commenting or change in appearance, smaller waist. Causing women who are dieting to continue, because of the change, they lose sight of what they wanted and focus on what society, in general, wants. Many things can cause eating disorders to begin, stress is one of the top causes. Stress can be from anything, school, employment, thinking about the future. Sports or activities can also increase the risk, such as dancing or gymnastics. Beauty standards throughout time have changed, but all women are compared to these standards. Beginning in Ancient Egypt the standards were slender, narrow shoulders, high waist and a symmetrical face, from this era to post modern beauty today the standards have been thin, full bodied, curvy, full lips, tall, boyish, small feet, and a whole bunch more. Because of these standards women have gone to great lengths, in Victorian England women wore corsets to achieve the ideal body shape; today women regularly get plastic surgery to achieve their desired look, or wear a wig to change their hair color and put on enormous amounts of makeup. Once the makeups off, who will recognize the beautiful young woman before them? Some women who change their appearance might have low self-esteem. They feel down about themselves and think that they have to change. However, this is not the case for other women who change just because they think it's cool and want to be part of the popular crowd. A woman's natural beauty is real and not an illusion. A thin, tall and average sized foot girl or a curvy, short, and fair skinned girl are both beautiful. No matter what women look like, we are all beautiful. Inside and out we all have our own combination of qualities, shape, color, or size that is pleasing especially to sight. Plato quoted "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder," the beholder is yourself.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Sorry about that.. I believe this one has all of the changes
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am making changes, hold on.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Just reading the third paragraph and see "wig".
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am guilty of that. :P
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT WIGS ARE A LOT BETTER THAN REAL HAIR. o.o But I have super short hair, so of course I would advertise wigs. :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
What if the wig is made of real hair? Ive donated hair before.. And I added in wig because on fb I saw these pictures of this girl putting on so much makeup and a red wig that she looked nothing like her self
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I don't wear makeup unless it is mascara or a little concealer in some areas to hide red pimples that stand out. (not all over my face like most women) I also wear wigs that are my natural hair color, so it's cool. :P I actually donated hair myself, about 14" . It's why my hair is so short.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Mascara is just because it makes my brown eyes stand out a little more :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
oh lol.. If you have a pimple put honey on it for over an hour and it will go away
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I know :O same with toothpaste
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Concealer is a last minute thing for me. I don't wear it usually.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yeah but toothpaste makes you smell like mint.. Honey makes you smell sweet
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
True :P I belong to a family of beekeepers so honestly... I always smell like honey any way :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Nice lol
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I finished! :O
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Oh good.. Find anything??
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
With societies definition of real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. A woman's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that in today's generation there are standards to follow, in order for women to get a grasp on beauty Conventional beauty has caused low body image in women, and low self-esteem. Women compare their appearences to other womens because they want to be accepted. This has prompted some women to self harm and/or hate themselves. It has also created eating disorders in teenage girls and young women. This is from dieting being taken too far. people comment on change in appearance, causing women who are dieting to continue, because of the change, they lose sight of what they wanted and focus on what society, in general, wants. Many things can cause eating disorders to begin, stress is one of the top causes. Stress can be from anything, school, employment, thinking about the future. Sports or activities can also increase the risk, such as dancing or gymnastics. Beauty standards throughout time have changed, but all women are compared to these standards. Beginning in Ancient Egypt the standards were slender, narrow shoulders, high waist and a symmetrical face, from this era to post modern beauty today the standards have been thin, full bodied, curvy, full lips, tall, boyish, small feet, and a whole bunch more. Because of these standards women have gone to great lengths, in Victorian England women wore corsets to achieve the ideal body shape; today women regularly get plastic surgery to achieve their desired look, or wear a wig to change their hair color and put on enormous amounts of makeup. Once the makeups off, who will recognize the beautiful young woman before them? Some women who change their appearance might have low self-esteem. They feel down about themselves and think that they have to change. However, this is not the case for other women who change just because they think it's cool and want to be part of the popular crowd. A woman's natural beauty is real and not an illusion. A thin, tall and average sized foot girl or a curvy, short, and fair skinned girl are both beautiful. No matter what women look like, we are all beautiful. Inside and out we all have our own combination of qualities, shape, color, or size that is pleasing especially to sight. Plato quoted "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder," the beholder is yourself.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
small things.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Alright :) Thank you.. Does the thesis cover the requirements though?????
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Ooops. what are the requirements?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
yes, we have cover more than two topics, and most of the essay is subjective. pouring our personal opinions in it.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Is their anything else the teacher is expecting?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
*there
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Could you type the thesis on here while I look at the assignment
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
the central thesis is that women should not feel obligated to look and mold themselves into something they are not.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
My last sentence for the intro doesnt say that
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
It has to be 3rd person objective point of view, good transitions
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
If your not sure (like me) I can give you a metal and close this question. Post a new question about the thesis and see if someone else can help us
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am thinking :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
The central thesis is that today's generation, there are standards to follow, in order for women to get a grasp on beauty.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Do you feel more comfortable with that Thesis statement?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
"The central thesis" I dont think I can put in an essay
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
"In today's generation there are standards to follow, in order for women to get a grasp on beauty."
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay I like that
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
But it needs to include your subjective definition of the topic (beauty) and include a preview of the two areas discussed in the two body paragraphs.. Conventional beauty and beauty standards
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I was just saying that's the Thesis. :P I did not mean to say that was the sentence.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I thought that was the essay requirement?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
today's generation there are standards to follow, in order for women to get a grasp on beauty, including the unrealistic face stature, weight, and height.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Im lost O.o
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
With society's definition of real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big because of these new standards of what women are supposed to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. They also believe, to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. A woman's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that in today's generation there are standards to follow, in order for women to get a grasp on beauty, including the unrealistic face stature, weight, and height. "It seems that in today's generation there are standards to follow, in order for women to get a grasp on beauty, including the unrealistic face stature, weight, and height."-- This is the thesis statement correct?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
yes.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay! And that covers the requirements??
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
That is for you to decide. do you feel like that fits your personal opinion? and covers what the essay talk about?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Sorry im freaking out because this will be my first graded essay and my classmates will see this thesis statement
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
I am sure your classmates feel the same way.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Yes it does fit my personal opinion. I think it does cover the essay.. Im not sure
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Your good to go, brah.
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
maybe you could call in a mod to check.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Alright thank you
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Just in case. Because I am not in college after all. :P
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Any ideas on a title?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
"Society v.s Beauty"
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Thats good
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
@TheSmartOne Please check our work on the thesis statement. :) We are a bit confused.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Im going to close this question and open a new one.. See what other people think. okay?
Afrodiddle
  • Afrodiddle
Alright.

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