Could I get some assistance with writing my essay? I'm a bit stumped at how to support my claims with 3rd party evidence (and a few other problems)

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Could I get some assistance with writing my essay? I'm a bit stumped at how to support my claims with 3rd party evidence (and a few other problems)

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@anna1448 here is the link to my essay https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ViHTllzmy50NIm4cJ2doxrzzd4-q4d9h5e7Q0W15a6M/edit?usp=sharing

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I just need some ideas bounced off to figure out how to fix the problems my teacher highlighted for me in my writing.
opp xD thanks... this is quite helpful being that i was just about to ask you for it :)
ok I'll see what i can do to help
thanks :)
no prob
ummmm let me see.....im still trying to find some ways to fix ur essay but im quite impressed :) it seems really well written tbh :) so in advance well done
:0 thanks. I'm not very good at writing though lol.
lol yes you are xD better than what i can do :)
:0 I hadn't really thought about it. I am in a college class though so I suppose it might be a little more advanced than high school writing.
woah xD thats awesome :)
The video game industry heavily relies on sequels much like Hollywood does. <----- this apparently needs to have more detail :) but i guess ur working on that now
I'm a bit lost on how to tie it into that actually. I had a really difficult time picking a topic for this paper lol. Cause I'm supposed to back it up with 3rd party evidence but finding evidence can be quite daunting at times.
very true xD im having trouble with writing myself but it's nowhere near as complicated as your paper
:) If I end up finishing this today and you need help I can try helping you out if you need it.
thank you but i couldn't ask you to do that for me xD
I wouldn't mind :D
ok xD how about i let u know if i need help later? deal?
Sure :)
cool xD
Do you happen to know of any articles or other reliable sources like IGN or something to back up my essay?
no but i can look that up :]
okay tenx :o ur mah best buddy now xD
yeyyyyy :D
# 1. www.gametrailers.com # 2. www.gamespot.com ok so i guess these are similar to IGN :)
:o Oh I meant like actual articles that have been written that I could refer to. That's okay though :) thank you for looking.
opp im horrible at helping xD im sorry
It's okay :) I know you're trying that's all that really matters to me. You have any ideas on how I could shorten my quotes?
it looks like u already shortened it xD
Nupe I haven't touched any of the quotes.
oh wait nvm i was looking at the wrong part of the essay xD
x) lawl
ok you could use lead in "... and leading out ... " to indicate that this is the relevant piece that was picked out of the quote.
Do you perhaps have an example? (I'm not really sure what specific section of the paper you are referring to.
it could be any quote but for example this quote ---->"the lack of originality reflects the game industry's growing maturity. Because of the technological complexity of the current generation of console game devices, development costs have sharply risen. A top-shelf video game now typically costs $5 million to $15 million to create. As a result, game publishers who produce titles for consoles like Microsoft's Xbox, the Sony PlayStation 2 and Nintendo's GameCube (which account for 80 percent of all game revenue) have been increasingly unwilling to place bets on original, unproved material and, like Hollywood, rely on new versions of previous hits.” :) you could choose certain parts of this quote that is of actual use to u....just don't ever paraphrase a quote xD so that should help shorten some of the quotes
ohhhhh so you're saying like...I should break it up into smaller segments? and try cutting out things I don't need from it.
yeah :)
okay I'll try that :D
cool :)
Well I think this is going to take me all day long, however if you ever need any assistance yourself Anna, don't hesitate to ask me for help! :) If you ever need help shoot me an email me here: keanujonesarea@gmail.com
Thank you for your time by the way. You helped me tremendously.
oh goodness xD i don't think i was much help but ur welcome :) and thank you as well
Sorry I just now saw this, I hope you did well on your essay!

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