A community for students.

Here's the question you clicked on:

55 members online
  • 0 replying
  • 0 viewing

Destinyyyy

  • one year ago

Help with introduction and thesis! I will metal and fan. Thank you!

  • This Question is Closed
  1. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    This is what I have-- Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, I love the idea of vacationing at a resort more because resorts have everything camping does, but with a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it.

  2. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Topic- Camping in the deep woods/wild to vacationing at a resort (compare)

  3. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Are you just looking for feedback or what are you looking for?

  4. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I was told this from my professor-- I suggest that you develop a clear and concise thesis. This will give the reader a clear preview of your paper. You wrote: Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, I love the idea of vacationing at a resort more because resorts have everything camping does, but with a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it. Above, the thesis is unclear and wordy. Thesis statements for compare/contrast papers identify the subjects being compared and what aspects the subjects are compared on. Consider these questions when revising your thesis statement: • What 2 things are you comparing? • What aspects are you comparing them on? – Briefly, • What is your claim? – For example, is one better that the other? [Please avoid using phrases like “I think,” “I believe,” or “I love” to make your claim objective and to conform to this requirement (the use of the third-person point-of-view) in the assignment description.] So I need to revise my thesis. And Id like feedback on the rest of the introduction.

  5. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I think you have the tendency to use fragments. Take a look at "seeing the thousands of stars in the sky.....to be dropped. " This is a fragment sentence. I'd recommend you turn it to a whole sentence.

  6. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Camping and staying in a resort are both great ways to spend time on vacations. . This will be your thesis.

  7. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    You usually don't question your argumentative claim in an essay. So cut off the first "camping or staying in a resort?"

  8. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    After stating your thesis, say, "On one had, camping has many benefits such as being able to have lunch with squirrels sitting across the table as well as sleep with thousands of night stars in the sky. On the other hand, staying in a resort doesn't let the worry of nature detract from the fun of vacation because resort has a number of perks which camping doesn't." Start with that. Much less wordier, more concise:)

  9. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    So that would be my first body paragraph? O.o

  10. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    So now I have no introduction at all. And my thesis is now "Camping and staying in a resort are both great ways to spend time on vacations. ." ???

  11. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Yes. Because you said in your first paragraph "both are exciting and unique in their own way." So I took it as you take them equally attractive and great. However you may choose to add a few words in my thesis to mean that they are both great but "in their own ways." All is up to how you'd like to present your thesis, but note that thesis has to be something definitive and never confuses the reader. Try to be succinct as possible and say what you are going to say in the essay.

  12. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Um okay??

  13. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I honestly have no clue what to write then.

  14. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Why did you even sign up for English major then? Come on get some perseverence!

  15. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    You are not going to have someone write up the entire essay for you, as this is against the code of conduct "they" say.

  16. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    What are you talking about? English major?

  17. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Im not asking for someone to write up an essay for me. Im asking for assistance in writing it. Im asking for ideas and feedback. Im not good at writing thesis statements. And I stated above that I was looking for help revising my thesis not destroying everything I wrote. My intended major is business. And I only ask for help on this website when Im desperate. I have 2 essays due on the 5th, 3 computer assignments due tomorrow, 3 macroeconomic assignments due thursday. Im am beyond stressed and all I am asking for is help and guidance!!

  18. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    @FoxxJamey whats your opinion on what I have so far? And any tips on how I can change my thesis statement?

  19. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I like what you have so far; do you know how to write a thesis statement or to find it in your writing?

  20. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I know its the last sentence in the introduction.. Honestly I don't really know how to write one. Usually when I write a good one its a complete accident.

  21. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    hm, well for the thesis statement, i'd try to get the main idea of what you're opinion is for the essay. Yeah a thesis statement you are pretty much just saying what the main point of what you're trying to get across

  22. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Okay.. If I had to choose between the two I would pick staying in a resort. My three main points are- 1. Air conditioning/heat, comfy bed 2. bugs, weather 3. price

  23. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Good :), so take all of those and just say that the resort is better than the other option

  24. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Okay.. So this is good to keep? Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights...

  25. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Yeah you could keep that I think

  26. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Should I take something out??

  27. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Maybe not making it in the same sentence as your thesis, split the thoughts up

  28. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Huh??

  29. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    nvm, forget what i just said, i read something wrong

  30. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Um okay..

  31. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    That's all i've got though, i hope i helped a little

  32. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    You helped a bit more then the other guy... But im still in the same situation I was before.

  33. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    what exactly do you need?

  34. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I want to know if what I have leading up the thesis is good or not. So then I can start working on the thesis. Then id like for my thesis to be checked so then i can move on to the body paragraphs.

  35. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    i think what you have works really well

  36. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Okay thank you.

  37. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    You're welcome, i can check your thesis when you type it too

  38. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Okay

  39. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    if you want

  40. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I do

  41. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    okey dokey

  42. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    :/ Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. ---Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, a resort can also be located in a beautiful place and the people vacationing there can have a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it. ---

  43. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I feel like I should change things around.. Like taking this out "Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped." and putting this into its own sentence "camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature."

  44. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    yeah do what you just said

  45. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    it makes it more clear and to the point

  46. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Sorry for the late reply, i was taking care of some stuff

  47. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Its okay.

  48. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, a resort could be completely made of ice located in Alaska. Camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, a resort can also be located in a beautiful place and the people vacationing there can have a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it. or Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, a resort in Alaska could be entirely made of ice. Camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, a resort can also be located in a beautiful place and the people vacationing there can have a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it. Should I still take out "Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped."

  49. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    The second one is the one i would use

  50. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Okay.. What about taking the star sentence out?

  51. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Honestly i would because you could use that later in your essay, in the intro you're just kinda trying to get your main point across

  52. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, a resort in Alaska could be entirely made of ice. Camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, a resort can also be located in a beautiful place and the people vacationing there can have a few perks that people camping will not have such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it.

  53. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    yes, thats it right there

  54. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Okay. Thank you!

  55. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Would you be willing to help me with the rest of the essay?

  56. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    I can try :)

  57. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Alright :)

  58. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    This is what I typed up yesterday.. First body-- Camping in the woods is nice especially if the campers have something to sleep in, like a tent or camper. Something comfy and that will keep the bugs out. If the camper has a tent a blow up mattress is great to have or an extremely fluffy sleeping bag. Maybe the campers aren’t ruffing it as much and have a camper or rv to stay in. Campers and rv’s have some similarities with resorts. Both have air conditioning/heat and enclosed with a door to keep bugs outside especially at night. An area to sit to play games or eat, and some resorts like suits have a kitchen net or full sized kitchen with everything; stove, sink, dishes, microwave. Although resorts have a lot of modern day perks, being outside allows people to go out of our technological society and breathe real fresh air.

  59. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Okay, thats pretty good, so what are you going to put in the second body paragraph?

  60. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Second body- At a resort people vacationing do not need to be concerned with the weather possibly destroying their campsite. Or being trapped and scared in a camper or rv. Which can be terrifying if a hurricane or snow storm occurs. In a resort the people staying can relax and enjoy themselves, by going to the indoor pool or hot tub, or the spa and getting a massage. Or for the kids the arcade or play areas. A campsite or open area the campers found, can be fun and enjoyable too if the weather is good, and no bugs are flying around bothering them. If it’s too hot people can become miserable especially if they are being eaten alive by mosquitos. However nice, walls of a resort can never allow someone the star light and freedom of camping. Third body- The price difference between camping and a resort can vary depending on where and when. For example staying in Alaska at the end of the winter season when everything is still a bit cold and damp will have lower prices for a resort and people might not recommend camping at this time. If the season is fall and the leaves are changing color, green, yellow, orange and red, the price will most likely be high for both a resort and camping. It will be worth every penny to see nature changing... (I lost my train of thought )

  61. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    You can be honest and say they suck.

  62. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    No i think they're quite good, did you include the part that you took out from the introduction?

  63. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    caue you could put that at the end of that third body paragraph where you lost your thought

  64. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    So-- The price difference between camping and a resort can vary depending on where and when. For example staying in Alaska at the end of the winter season when everything is still a bit cold and damp will have lower prices for a resort and people might not recommend camping at this time. If the season is fall and the leaves are changing color, green, yellow, orange and red, the price will most likely be high for both a resort and camping. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped.

  65. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    yep, looks good to me

  66. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Okay thank you

  67. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    You're welcome

  68. Destinyyyy
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    Ill tag or message you when im done with the conclusion. Thank you again for your help

  69. anonymous
    • one year ago
    Best Response
    You've already chosen the best response.
    Medals 0

    No problem at all, glad to help :)

  70. Not the answer you are looking for?
    Search for more explanations.

    • Attachments:

Ask your own question

Sign Up
Find more explanations on OpenStudy
Privacy Policy

Your question is ready. Sign up for free to start getting answers.

spraguer (Moderator)
5 → View Detailed Profile

is replying to Can someone tell me what button the professor is hitting...

23

  • Teamwork 19 Teammate
  • Problem Solving 19 Hero
  • You have blocked this person.
  • ✔ You're a fan Checking fan status...

Thanks for being so helpful in mathematics. If you are getting quality help, make sure you spread the word about OpenStudy.

This is the testimonial you wrote.
You haven't written a testimonial for Owlfred.