Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Help with introduction and thesis! I will metal and fan. Thank you!
English
  • Stacey Warren - Expert brainly.com
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jamiebookeater
  • jamiebookeater
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Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
This is what I have-- Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, I love the idea of vacationing at a resort more because resorts have everything camping does, but with a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Topic- Camping in the deep woods/wild to vacationing at a resort (compare)
anonymous
  • anonymous
Are you just looking for feedback or what are you looking for?

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Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I was told this from my professor-- I suggest that you develop a clear and concise thesis. This will give the reader a clear preview of your paper. You wrote: Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, I love the idea of vacationing at a resort more because resorts have everything camping does, but with a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it. Above, the thesis is unclear and wordy. Thesis statements for compare/contrast papers identify the subjects being compared and what aspects the subjects are compared on. Consider these questions when revising your thesis statement: • What 2 things are you comparing? • What aspects are you comparing them on? – Briefly, • What is your claim? – For example, is one better that the other? [Please avoid using phrases like “I think,” “I believe,” or “I love” to make your claim objective and to conform to this requirement (the use of the third-person point-of-view) in the assignment description.] So I need to revise my thesis. And Id like feedback on the rest of the introduction.
anonymous
  • anonymous
I think you have the tendency to use fragments. Take a look at "seeing the thousands of stars in the sky.....to be dropped. " This is a fragment sentence. I'd recommend you turn it to a whole sentence.
anonymous
  • anonymous
Camping and staying in a resort are both great ways to spend time on vacations. . This will be your thesis.
anonymous
  • anonymous
You usually don't question your argumentative claim in an essay. So cut off the first "camping or staying in a resort?"
anonymous
  • anonymous
After stating your thesis, say, "On one had, camping has many benefits such as being able to have lunch with squirrels sitting across the table as well as sleep with thousands of night stars in the sky. On the other hand, staying in a resort doesn't let the worry of nature detract from the fun of vacation because resort has a number of perks which camping doesn't." Start with that. Much less wordier, more concise:)
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
So that would be my first body paragraph? O.o
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
So now I have no introduction at all. And my thesis is now "Camping and staying in a resort are both great ways to spend time on vacations. ." ???
anonymous
  • anonymous
Yes. Because you said in your first paragraph "both are exciting and unique in their own way." So I took it as you take them equally attractive and great. However you may choose to add a few words in my thesis to mean that they are both great but "in their own ways." All is up to how you'd like to present your thesis, but note that thesis has to be something definitive and never confuses the reader. Try to be succinct as possible and say what you are going to say in the essay.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Um okay??
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I honestly have no clue what to write then.
anonymous
  • anonymous
Why did you even sign up for English major then? Come on get some perseverence!
anonymous
  • anonymous
You are not going to have someone write up the entire essay for you, as this is against the code of conduct "they" say.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
What are you talking about? English major?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Im not asking for someone to write up an essay for me. Im asking for assistance in writing it. Im asking for ideas and feedback. Im not good at writing thesis statements. And I stated above that I was looking for help revising my thesis not destroying everything I wrote. My intended major is business. And I only ask for help on this website when Im desperate. I have 2 essays due on the 5th, 3 computer assignments due tomorrow, 3 macroeconomic assignments due thursday. Im am beyond stressed and all I am asking for is help and guidance!!
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
@FoxxJamey whats your opinion on what I have so far? And any tips on how I can change my thesis statement?
anonymous
  • anonymous
I like what you have so far; do you know how to write a thesis statement or to find it in your writing?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I know its the last sentence in the introduction.. Honestly I don't really know how to write one. Usually when I write a good one its a complete accident.
anonymous
  • anonymous
hm, well for the thesis statement, i'd try to get the main idea of what you're opinion is for the essay. Yeah a thesis statement you are pretty much just saying what the main point of what you're trying to get across
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay.. If I had to choose between the two I would pick staying in a resort. My three main points are- 1. Air conditioning/heat, comfy bed 2. bugs, weather 3. price
anonymous
  • anonymous
Good :), so take all of those and just say that the resort is better than the other option
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay.. So this is good to keep? Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights...
anonymous
  • anonymous
Yeah you could keep that I think
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Should I take something out??
anonymous
  • anonymous
Maybe not making it in the same sentence as your thesis, split the thoughts up
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Huh??
anonymous
  • anonymous
nvm, forget what i just said, i read something wrong
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Um okay..
anonymous
  • anonymous
That's all i've got though, i hope i helped a little
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
You helped a bit more then the other guy... But im still in the same situation I was before.
anonymous
  • anonymous
what exactly do you need?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I want to know if what I have leading up the thesis is good or not. So then I can start working on the thesis. Then id like for my thesis to be checked so then i can move on to the body paragraphs.
anonymous
  • anonymous
i think what you have works really well
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay thank you.
anonymous
  • anonymous
You're welcome, i can check your thesis when you type it too
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay
anonymous
  • anonymous
if you want
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I do
anonymous
  • anonymous
okey dokey
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
:/ Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. ---Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, a resort can also be located in a beautiful place and the people vacationing there can have a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it. ---
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
I feel like I should change things around.. Like taking this out "Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped." and putting this into its own sentence "camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature."
anonymous
  • anonymous
yeah do what you just said
anonymous
  • anonymous
it makes it more clear and to the point
anonymous
  • anonymous
Sorry for the late reply, i was taking care of some stuff
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Its okay.
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, a resort could be completely made of ice located in Alaska. Camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, a resort can also be located in a beautiful place and the people vacationing there can have a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it. or Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, a resort in Alaska could be entirely made of ice. Camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, a resort can also be located in a beautiful place and the people vacationing there can have a few perks such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it. Should I still take out "Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped."
anonymous
  • anonymous
The second one is the one i would use
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay.. What about taking the star sentence out?
anonymous
  • anonymous
Honestly i would because you could use that later in your essay, in the intro you're just kinda trying to get your main point across
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Camping or staying at a resort? Both are exciting and unique in their own way, a resort in Alaska could be entirely made of ice. Camping in the woods or wilderness surrounded by trees and feeling close to nature. Even though camping in the wood or wild can be an adventure and the campers can see unique and beautiful sights, a resort can also be located in a beautiful place and the people vacationing there can have a few perks that people camping will not have such as air conditioning/heat, comfy padded bed, no bugs that bite in the middle of the night or mother nature ruining the fun, and a slight price difference that can be worth it.
anonymous
  • anonymous
yes, thats it right there
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay. Thank you!
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Would you be willing to help me with the rest of the essay?
anonymous
  • anonymous
I can try :)
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Alright :)
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
This is what I typed up yesterday.. First body-- Camping in the woods is nice especially if the campers have something to sleep in, like a tent or camper. Something comfy and that will keep the bugs out. If the camper has a tent a blow up mattress is great to have or an extremely fluffy sleeping bag. Maybe the campers aren’t ruffing it as much and have a camper or rv to stay in. Campers and rv’s have some similarities with resorts. Both have air conditioning/heat and enclosed with a door to keep bugs outside especially at night. An area to sit to play games or eat, and some resorts like suits have a kitchen net or full sized kitchen with everything; stove, sink, dishes, microwave. Although resorts have a lot of modern day perks, being outside allows people to go out of our technological society and breathe real fresh air.
anonymous
  • anonymous
Okay, thats pretty good, so what are you going to put in the second body paragraph?
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Second body- At a resort people vacationing do not need to be concerned with the weather possibly destroying their campsite. Or being trapped and scared in a camper or rv. Which can be terrifying if a hurricane or snow storm occurs. In a resort the people staying can relax and enjoy themselves, by going to the indoor pool or hot tub, or the spa and getting a massage. Or for the kids the arcade or play areas. A campsite or open area the campers found, can be fun and enjoyable too if the weather is good, and no bugs are flying around bothering them. If it’s too hot people can become miserable especially if they are being eaten alive by mosquitos. However nice, walls of a resort can never allow someone the star light and freedom of camping. Third body- The price difference between camping and a resort can vary depending on where and when. For example staying in Alaska at the end of the winter season when everything is still a bit cold and damp will have lower prices for a resort and people might not recommend camping at this time. If the season is fall and the leaves are changing color, green, yellow, orange and red, the price will most likely be high for both a resort and camping. It will be worth every penny to see nature changing... (I lost my train of thought )
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
You can be honest and say they suck.
anonymous
  • anonymous
No i think they're quite good, did you include the part that you took out from the introduction?
anonymous
  • anonymous
caue you could put that at the end of that third body paragraph where you lost your thought
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
So-- The price difference between camping and a resort can vary depending on where and when. For example staying in Alaska at the end of the winter season when everything is still a bit cold and damp will have lower prices for a resort and people might not recommend camping at this time. If the season is fall and the leaves are changing color, green, yellow, orange and red, the price will most likely be high for both a resort and camping. Seeing the thousands of stars in the open night sky above or eating breakfast with a squirrel sitting across the table waiting for some kind of food to be dropped.
anonymous
  • anonymous
yep, looks good to me
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Okay thank you
anonymous
  • anonymous
You're welcome
Destinyyyy
  • Destinyyyy
Ill tag or message you when im done with the conclusion. Thank you again for your help
anonymous
  • anonymous
No problem at all, glad to help :)

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