In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar.
Learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories. The beach offers more than a place to develop strong swimming skills. There are many things to do at the beach. It is unfortunate that so many people spend every day indoors. More people should take time to visit their local beaches.
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I am glad I learned to swim at the beach.
Figuring out how to swim is one of my happiest adolescence recollections. The shoreline offers more than a spot to create solid swimming aptitudes. There are numerous things to do at the shoreline. It is terrible that such a large number of individuals spend consistently inside. More individuals ought to require some serious energy to visit their neighborhood shorelines.