Work in progress I watched an old man with a distasteful attire as he entered the subway platforms, it was obvious with a single glance, a bum. He walked into the subway compartment. The stench of his alcohol soaked clothes began to fill the trolley. There was a general sense of dismay in the eyes of the passengers. However, they returned back to their usual banter. A few of them picked up their suitcases and the women nuzzled their kids slightly closer. The door shut abruptly behind him, and the early sounds of the rails began to fill the space. Everyone could see he was drunk well before his odor hit their nostrils. He kept muttering to himself taking steps towards passengers closest to him, his boots grazed along the ripples of the floor, leaving residues of dirt between the gaps. He clanked now and then as he hurriedly brushed past the poles of the cart. He had a crude demeanor about him, one that was quickly noticed by the passengers. People around him made sure to avoid any glances in his direction......) The man roamed the subway trolley, waiting to meet the gaze of someone, to ask for a little change. It was a subway packed with people who were mostly returning from a long day's work. Most of them didn't pay him much attention. Everyone kept it to them self, with the exception of the timely gleeful remarks and gestures between themselves. The women were quick to distance them self away from him, they made no effort to hide their feelings of repulse in their faces. The men grumbled and denied his presence with a resisting countenance. Some lowered their heads into their news papers, replying his advances only with the crinkles and turns of their paper. He began to lose patience and approached them more bluntly maintaining his meekness, asking for any spare change. "Sir, do you have any spare change, I have been down on my luck, a little change can mean be a lot." His breath reeked of alcohol. The man he asked looked at him, examining his attire top to bottom, and grumbled, as if to have no doubt for the cause his money is to aid. He replied with a hint of righteous indignation saying, "I have no change". And went back to reading his newspaper. A fair share of the passengers partook in the occasional sport of catching glimpses of the next 'victim' of the bum, all the while being mindful to turn their heads away quickly, in case he looked around to see if anyone else was receptive to his pleas. Being denied their audience, he neglectfully seized his attempts, finding an empty spot, and as his back hit the walls of the train, he laid still for a moment. He lifted his head along with his right hand, as if to speak, but simply panned around himself and saw that everyone had now immersed themselves about their own business, he was no longer a concern of theirs. So he dropped his head down once more. After a short moment, he began to rustle about, and clapped his hands on his coat, he sighed and taking a deep breath cried out "I too was young once, I too had dreams", His voice became more stern, as he realized he had caught the attention of a few passengers,"I was just the same I tell you, just the same as everyone else here", More heads turned, and people lowered their papers. Some of them muttered amongst them self, but were quick to simmer down. His pause was accompanied by the silence in the trolley. His tone sounding more resentful, he continued , " just remember this, anything can happen to any body". His simple yet profound words took root. An air of remorse filled the cart, "ANYTHING can happen to ANYBODY." He mumbled once more "anything can happen to anybody". You and I are not so different, I was once there, where you sit. I have once judged a 'me' where I stand. By this point, there wasn't a single person not giving him his due attention, a philosopher was on board.

At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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Work in progress I watched an old man with a distasteful attire as he entered the subway platforms, it was obvious with a single glance, a bum. He walked into the subway compartment. The stench of his alcohol soaked clothes began to fill the trolley. There was a general sense of dismay in the eyes of the passengers. However, they returned back to their usual banter. A few of them picked up their suitcases and the women nuzzled their kids slightly closer. The door shut abruptly behind him, and the early sounds of the rails began to fill the space. Everyone could see he was drunk well before his odor hit their nostrils. He kept muttering to himself taking steps towards passengers closest to him, his boots grazed along the ripples of the floor, leaving residues of dirt between the gaps. He clanked now and then as he hurriedly brushed past the poles of the cart. He had a crude demeanor about him, one that was quickly noticed by the passengers. People around him made sure to avoid any glances in his direction......) The man roamed the subway trolley, waiting to meet the gaze of someone, to ask for a little change. It was a subway packed with people who were mostly returning from a long day's work. Most of them didn't pay him much attention. Everyone kept it to them self, with the exception of the timely gleeful remarks and gestures between themselves. The women were quick to distance them self away from him, they made no effort to hide their feelings of repulse in their faces. The men grumbled and denied his presence with a resisting countenance. Some lowered their heads into their news papers, replying his advances only with the crinkles and turns of their paper. He began to lose patience and approached them more bluntly maintaining his meekness, asking for any spare change. "Sir, do you have any spare change, I have been down on my luck, a little change can mean be a lot." His breath reeked of alcohol. The man he asked looked at him, examining his attire top to bottom, and grumbled, as if to have no doubt for the cause his money is to aid. He replied with a hint of righteous indignation saying, "I have no change". And went back to reading his newspaper. A fair share of the passengers partook in the occasional sport of catching glimpses of the next 'victim' of the bum, all the while being mindful to turn their heads away quickly, in case he looked around to see if anyone else was receptive to his pleas. Being denied their audience, he neglectfully seized his attempts, finding an empty spot, and as his back hit the walls of the train, he laid still for a moment. He lifted his head along with his right hand, as if to speak, but simply panned around himself and saw that everyone had now immersed themselves about their own business, he was no longer a concern of theirs. So he dropped his head down once more. After a short moment, he began to rustle about, and clapped his hands on his coat, he sighed and taking a deep breath cried out "I too was young once, I too had dreams", His voice became more stern, as he realized he had caught the attention of a few passengers,"I was just the same I tell you, just the same as everyone else here", More heads turned, and people lowered their papers. Some of them muttered amongst them self, but were quick to simmer down. His pause was accompanied by the silence in the trolley. His tone sounding more resentful, he continued , " just remember this, anything can happen to any body". His simple yet profound words took root. An air of remorse filled the cart, "ANYTHING can happen to ANYBODY." He mumbled once more "anything can happen to anybody". You and I are not so different, I was once there, where you sit. I have once judged a 'me' where I stand. By this point, there wasn't a single person not giving him his due attention, a philosopher was on board.

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At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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I watched as what looked to be a bum, walking into \(\cancel {this}\) subway compartment. Use a or the. "a" if you are watching from a distance and is not in the same car/compartment, THE if it is the same as you are in. Instead of saying I watched as what looked to be a bum. May I suggest that you describe him more in detail afterwards. What does a bum in Canada look like? Is it the same as bums in other countries? Ragamuffins are quite common in many countries. So you if you described what he was wearing, his hair, his posture, beard or anything in detail, it will
it will help paint your characters better.
and I do like the stench of alcohol in his clothes, btw

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https://youtu.be/jVeRb_H4HN4
I think the video link will emphasize what I meant by omniscient point of view.
man, you changed it and you made it sound like you're judgmental laughing out loud
you're suppose to narrate this in dry sense
lol ya i didnt think about maining that, id have to be more subtle with the way that man behaves for that then
the way that guy with "hint of righetous indignation" behaves
im going to sleep now
Pretty good short story..
HA NOOOOOB kidding only :) I love your vividness.
@dan815 I like <3 lol the imagery is really good and yea definitely paints a very vivid and lively picture :p

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