Anyone able to check if this Sonata I wrote is Iambic? :)

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Anyone able to check if this Sonata I wrote is Iambic? :)

Writing
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At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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I don't possess that type of knowledge. sorry.
Thanks anyway!

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I guess the best will be to post it, and you will get more opinions on it. When I have time, if I do, I can certainly take a look at it, despite that English is my 3rd language (if not 4th). I don't think that English Poetry is my best, but can take a shot. Once again, i am not a professional at this at all, and once again it would be better to just post it.
If, Then I see you, intricate, soft joy, laughter in your gaze, though thorns adorn your next breath. You see only marrings, you their crafter unsure of your place in this dance with death. I have watched you, struggling to endure strong; Pressure from around, pressure from within. You have forgotten now how you belong If this darkness chose you, or you this sin Single black rose thrown, placed, into fire After opening yourself to the world. Now, bright, blooming slowly in your new hour The same rose -- reborn -- stolen to be hurled Then we quietly draw near ones we killed Wondering how their new hearts were then stilled.
^ That's it, thank you for taking the time to look at it!
I realize some parts are not iambic I just need help rearranging or finding new words. @myininaya @paki @dan815 ? :)
I can't think how to substitute for Pressure, for example.... (I was never good at poetry, just trying my best to help)
\(\tt \color{red}{Pre}\)sure
maybe: the pressure
twice in that line, the pressure. (this is 1 thing, as far as I can understand)
I am really not good at it, I don't want to mislead you. Apologize....
It's ok! The only thing there is that each line must only be 10 syllables.
Would it work to switch it to "The pressure around, the pressure within" ? maybe?
doesn't sound that liric to me-:(
The pressure from around and within. ^ ^ would sound good but it is 9 syllables
oo that sounds nice. Hm where could we add a syllable? o.o
Constant pressure from around and within?
Is that still Iambic?
Doesn't sound so great what I am going to propse this time, but perhaps(?): Severe pressure from around and within. (and it is iambic)
oo but it's more of a heavy pressure, not severe or sharp.
yeah that is why i don't like it...
gah haha but it was good! There just has to be a better word xD
\\ `we need to syllables here` // pressure from around and within that is the task
just posting for myself
right right.
awful ?
Almighty pressure from around and within. ?
but almighty, at least to me, has a connotation of being ll powerful and able, and not as much as an indicator of an extent of something.
being *all* powerful ...
right..not the word :/
Unreal pressure from aroung and within. (maybe?)
around*
better!!
surreal?
Yeah that too.... fancier word. Sur at the beginning I am pretty sure it is unstressed syllable
yayy :)
REPOSTING IT: --------------------- I see you, intricate, soft joy, laughter in your gaze, though thorns adorn your next breath. You see only marrings, you their crafter unsure of your place in this dance with death. I have watched you, struggling to endure strong; Pressure from around, pressure from within. You have forgotten now how you belong If this darkness chose you, or you this sin Single black rose thrown, placed, into fire After opening yourself to the world. Now, bright, blooming slowly in your new hour The same rose -- reborn -- stolen to be hurled Then we quietly draw near ones we killed Wondering how their new hearts were then stilled. ------------------- If this darkness .... i think this is not iambic
wait, if THIS ...
yeah it is iambic, nvm....
is it all good? o.0
i was replying to a math question.... apologize
i think everything is good now as far as iambic goes (i didn't calculate the 10 syllables part in each line tho)
but, the last line tho', only, a far as I can see, starts from a stressed syllable
\(\rm \bcancel{\cancel{wonDERing}}\)
But, \(\rm \underline{w{\tiny~}o{\tiny~}n}{\tiny~~}d{\tiny~}e{\tiny~}r{\tiny~}i{\tiny~}n{\tiny~}g\)
So should I switch that word?
What might fit there? (sorry my pc got stuck :/)
and wondered how their hearts have stilled idk, like that maybe?
err is that missing a syllable?
why?
and wondered how their new hearts were then stilled.
does that work?
I am getting mixed up with the way i count syllbales in Russian... sorry
that's ok :)
and = 1 (total: 1) wondered = 2 (total: 3) how = 3 (total: 6) their = 1 new = 1 hearts =1 were =1 then =1 stilled = 1 (total: 12)
oh, wait
xD how=3, my brain is off
it is 10
yes that should work
hahah xD yay!! thank you so much. Is that all? :)

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