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Babynini
 one year ago
Anyone able to check if this Sonata I wrote is Iambic? :)
Babynini
 one year ago
Anyone able to check if this Sonata I wrote is Iambic? :)

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UsukiDoll
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1I don't possess that type of knowledge. sorry.

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1I guess the best will be to post it, and you will get more opinions on it. When I have time, if I do, I can certainly take a look at it, despite that English is my 3rd language (if not 4th). I don't think that English Poetry is my best, but can take a shot. Once again, i am not a professional at this at all, and once again it would be better to just post it.

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0If, Then I see you, intricate, soft joy, laughter in your gaze, though thorns adorn your next breath. You see only marrings, you their crafter unsure of your place in this dance with death. I have watched you, struggling to endure strong; Pressure from around, pressure from within. You have forgotten now how you belong If this darkness chose you, or you this sin Single black rose thrown, placed, into fire After opening yourself to the world. Now, bright, blooming slowly in your new hour The same rose  reborn  stolen to be hurled Then we quietly draw near ones we killed Wondering how their new hearts were then stilled.

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0^ That's it, thank you for taking the time to look at it!

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0I realize some parts are not iambic I just need help rearranging or finding new words. @myininaya @paki @dan815 ? :)

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1I can't think how to substitute for Pressure, for example.... (I was never good at poetry, just trying my best to help)

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1\(\tt \color{red}{Pre}\)sure

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1maybe: the pressure

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1twice in that line, the pressure. (this is 1 thing, as far as I can understand)

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1I am really not good at it, I don't want to mislead you. Apologize....

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0It's ok! The only thing there is that each line must only be 10 syllables.

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Would it work to switch it to "The pressure around, the pressure within" ? maybe?

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1doesn't sound that liric to me:(

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1The pressure from around and within. ^ ^ would sound good but it is 9 syllables

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0oo that sounds nice. Hm where could we add a syllable? o.o

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Constant pressure from around and within?

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0Is that still Iambic?

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1Doesn't sound so great what I am going to propse this time, but perhaps(?): Severe pressure from around and within. (and it is iambic)

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0oo but it's more of a heavy pressure, not severe or sharp.

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1yeah that is why i don't like it...

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0gah haha but it was good! There just has to be a better word xD

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1\\ `we need to syllables here` // pressure from around and within that is the task

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1just posting for myself

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1Almighty pressure from around and within. ?

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1but almighty, at least to me, has a connotation of being ll powerful and able, and not as much as an indicator of an extent of something.

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1being *all* powerful ...

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0right..not the word :/

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1Unreal pressure from aroung and within. (maybe?)

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1Yeah that too.... fancier word. Sur at the beginning I am pretty sure it is unstressed syllable

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1REPOSTING IT:  I see you, intricate, soft joy, laughter in your gaze, though thorns adorn your next breath. You see only marrings, you their crafter unsure of your place in this dance with death. I have watched you, struggling to endure strong; Pressure from around, pressure from within. You have forgotten now how you belong If this darkness chose you, or you this sin Single black rose thrown, placed, into fire After opening yourself to the world. Now, bright, blooming slowly in your new hour The same rose  reborn  stolen to be hurled Then we quietly draw near ones we killed Wondering how their new hearts were then stilled.  If this darkness .... i think this is not iambic

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1wait, if THIS ...

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1yeah it is iambic, nvm....

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1i was replying to a math question.... apologize

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1i think everything is good now as far as iambic goes (i didn't calculate the 10 syllables part in each line tho)

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1but, the last line tho', only, a far as I can see, starts from a stressed syllable

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1\(\rm \bcancel{\cancel{wonDERing}}\)

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1But, \(\rm \underline{w{\tiny~}o{\tiny~}n}{\tiny~~}d{\tiny~}e{\tiny~}r{\tiny~}i{\tiny~}n{\tiny~}g\)

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0So should I switch that word?

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0What might fit there? (sorry my pc got stuck :/)

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1and wondered how their hearts have stilled idk, like that maybe?

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0err is that missing a syllable?

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0and wondered how their new hearts were then stilled.

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1I am getting mixed up with the way i count syllbales in Russian... sorry

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1and = 1 (total: 1) wondered = 2 (total: 3) how = 3 (total: 6) their = 1 new = 1 hearts =1 were =1 then =1 stilled = 1 (total: 12)

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1xD how=3, my brain is off

SolomonZelman
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.1yes that should work

Babynini
 one year ago
Best ResponseYou've already chosen the best response.0hahah xD yay!! thank you so much. Is that all? :)
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