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anonymous

  • one year ago

I was wondering if someone could help me edit a short narrative if need be. It would help me immensely and I will give a medal! Thank you!

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  1. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    It is a continuation of the short story The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allen Poe. I have to do it for an English assignment, but I don't want to submit it until it's revised. Please and thank you!

  2. kaibaseto
    • one year ago
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    Impressive word choice. You had done a very good job at elaborating the events in further and had made a historical reference to the time period of King James VI with the ending quote. However, I with thoughts would suggest a bit of a better word choice for this section. ""This place has no good food and you seem a bit pale." Her face grew smug as she spoke with a hint of revenge in her eyes. "You should really eat something and I have a wondrous way with cooking meals. Perhaps you could come home with me and I will cook you something (juicy and tasty)?" She took my hand and led me through the crowd of overly dressed men and women. We walked through the now vacant streets of Italy for a little while before we came to a house in which I was too familiar with. Fortunato's family residence." * Suggestion: more succulent *Ps. Otherwise excellent job, you had managed to tie into the story by playing on the fear of the thought of retribution by chaining into the setting of the original story and you had used the thought of an eye for an eye. Fortunato had died due to his desire for wine and the main character had died in your continuation because of the poisoned wine. *Rating: 9.5/10: *Improve the vocabulary and try to use some psychoanalysis similar to how Edgar Allan Poe did. :)

  3. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    Oh, thank you so much! Once I revise this, could you perhaps read through it again? That would be so much help for me!

  4. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    @kaibaseto

  5. kaibaseto
    • one year ago
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    Sure, no problem. :)

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