At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.
This is really good. Nice job!
lol thank you! should i add anything ?
From my perspective, its fine the way it is. Just ask more people for their opinion on it.
alright thank someone is typing i'll wait.
Hmm... The thing is that the introduction is too long. In English, we were taught to keep it two to three sentences long. With that being said, though, you do have to make sure that you get your points in, which will be analyzed and described in your body paragraphs. Also, I'm going to take a guess that this is a formal writing piece, which means that starting off with "Hey!" probably isn't a good idea. It's too loose, as if you know the reader and are close friends with them. The goal with this kind of writing is to deliver information while keeping it as informative as possible. It's okay to throw in a question once in a while, as long as you answer it either directly or through an anecdote of some sort. Hope this helps!
it helps but, i'm trying to caught the readers attention.
is their any grammar or miss spelled words on here?
I think it's really good ! it caught my attention. From the first sentence i wanted to know what you were talking about, great job ! (:
I also think the length is fine , i wouldn't go any longer then that though. and ill look for any grammar mistakes now
ohh really?? and ok thank you.
@nerlineg SO you are on FLVS English III Module 7?
yeah and your welcome . noticed* , i would also put the questions that were on the test. other then that i don't see anything else wrong
If it's English III, definitely take into account what I said to make the MLA gods happy
okay thank you @toriacx and yes @Echosmith
I am doing the same rite now wats your teacher?
Your welcome (:
um i tern it in already, and got a 98% i just needed to fix some err which i've a;ready done
um mrs. L
Oh I got Mrs. C she is rude and never answers her phone
Like most FLVS Teachers
lmao o.o my teacher nice i love her
if you need help with anything you let me know ok
Thank you @nerlineg will do
I'm assuming that a comment was deleted, because I don't know what the intro even is...
@EclipsedStar and @KlTTYi took it down b.c i didn't wont no one copying and pasting my work . sorry about that.... :/ i also forgot to close this question. but thanks for trying to help.. if i need and help i'll tag you guys.
Ok, sure. :)