Please critique this poem! I want real feedback please. What can I fix? is it good? how does it make you feel?

At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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Please critique this poem! I want real feedback please. What can I fix? is it good? how does it make you feel?

Writing
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At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.

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If, Then I see you, intricate, soft joy, laughter in your gaze, though thorns adorn your next breath. You see only marrings, you their crafter unsure of your place in this dance with death. I have watched you, struggling to endure strong; Surreal pressure from around and within. You have forgotten now how you belong If this darkness chose you, or you this sin Single black rose thrown, placed, into fire After opening yourself to the world. Now, bright, blooming slowly in your new hour The same rose -- reborn -- stolen to be hurled Then we quietly draw near ones we killed and wondered how their new hearts were then stilled.

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Also I want to change the entire first sentence xD Rules of a sonnet: Iambic, 14 lines, abab cdcd efef gg rhyme, 10 syllables per line
Honestly im more a free writer so i cant tell you much about rules and what not but i can tell you that i loved this. It made me have to think and i felt like it was older sounding which i loved. I have no critics because this was amazing
Thanks so much @ispike !! :)
I changed it quite a bit from this posting, if you're interested in seeing the final version. :)

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