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Babynini

  • one year ago

Please critique this poem! I want real feedback please. What can I fix? is it good? how does it make you feel?

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  1. Babynini
    • one year ago
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    If, Then I see you, intricate, soft joy, laughter in your gaze, though thorns adorn your next breath. You see only marrings, you their crafter unsure of your place in this dance with death. I have watched you, struggling to endure strong; Surreal pressure from around and within. You have forgotten now how you belong If this darkness chose you, or you this sin Single black rose thrown, placed, into fire After opening yourself to the world. Now, bright, blooming slowly in your new hour The same rose -- reborn -- stolen to be hurled Then we quietly draw near ones we killed and wondered how their new hearts were then stilled.

  2. Babynini
    • one year ago
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    @myininaya :)

  3. Babynini
    • one year ago
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    @Nnesha

  4. Babynini
    • one year ago
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    @Luigi0210 @ash2326 @sammixboo

  5. Babynini
    • one year ago
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    Also I want to change the entire first sentence xD Rules of a sonnet: Iambic, 14 lines, abab cdcd efef gg rhyme, 10 syllables per line

  6. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    Honestly im more a free writer so i cant tell you much about rules and what not but i can tell you that i loved this. It made me have to think and i felt like it was older sounding which i loved. I have no critics because this was amazing

  7. Babynini
    • one year ago
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    Thanks so much @ispike !! :)

  8. Babynini
    • one year ago
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    I changed it quite a bit from this posting, if you're interested in seeing the final version. :)

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