MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
Need help!! Can someone plz look at my grammar!#@
English
  • Stacey Warren - Expert brainly.com
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schrodinger
  • schrodinger
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MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
They have started the “ Shakespeare”, essay introduction paragraph with some kind of background which is a better way to start with it but after that then they put the thesis statement as the foam of the questions. Also in the introduction paragraph they have to talk about the background of the essay but not the purpose of it. So there are making one mistake there by telling the purpose of it. In body paragraph one missing the topic statement and also there is not any argument in the beginning of the paragraph but they do have in the middle. In the second body paragraph they are talking about the very similar topic from body paragraph one. So basically in the body paragraph one and two they are exactly talking about the same topic but in this cause the body paragraph thesis can’t be the same though!! Every body paragraph need their own thesis statement. The third body paragraph would be wrong because the third body paragraph is the answer of the second body paragraph question but that is not the actual thesis statement so basically the third body paragraph be the actual part of the second body paragraph. That why this be wrong!! The conclusion is kind of matching with the body and introduction paragraph but they are also missing some important argument and main ideas. On the bases of this essay I would request never make your thesis same for all three body paragraph and also never stop your body paragraph on question because it will confuse reader a more.!! I think that errors enough for this essay and I would request to write it again!!
MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
@EclipsedStar can you plz look at my grammar
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
Is this a peer editing assignment for the book?

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EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
I do see the need for some corrections (more comma additions etc.)
MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
no this is the editing for the essay
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
Oh, so only these excerpts need modifications? :)
anonymous
  • anonymous
They're one mistake... Every body paragraph needs That is why this is wrong I would get rid of kind of in the sentence "The conclusion is kind of..." just say "The conclusion is somewhat" Also I would say " I would suggest to never make your thesis statement..." instead of I would never suggest....
MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
@broony where is the mistake
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
For the first part: "They have started the “ Shakespeare”, essay introduction paragraph with some kind of background which is a better way to start with it but after that then they put the thesis statement as the foam of the questions. Also in the introduction paragraph they have to talk about the background of the essay but not the purpose of it. So there are making one mistake there by telling the purpose of it." There are some run-on sentences here, it would be better put with more commas and more detail. My version I would have put instead: The “ Shakespeare”, essay introduction paragraph starts with some kind of background which is a good way to start with, but the thesis statement is put as the foam of the questions. Also, in the introduction paragraph, they should give background information of the essay, not the purpose of it. So there are making one mistake there by telling the purpose of it.
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
Let me reword that... xD
MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
ok
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
The “Shakespeare” essay introduction paragraph starts with some kind of background which is a good way to start with, but the thesis statement is put as the foam of the questions. Also, in the introduction paragraph, they should give background information of the essay, not the purpose of it. So, the author is making one mistake by showing the reader the purpose of it.
anonymous
  • anonymous
No like it says "So their are making one mistake..." but instead it should "So they're making one mistake..." Sorry
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
Next, the second (and third because the second is short) paragraph: "In body paragraph one missing the topic statement and also there is not any argument in the beginning of the paragraph but they do have in the middle. In the second body paragraph they are talking about the very similar topic from body paragraph one. So basically in the body paragraph one and two they are exactly talking about the same topic but in this cause the body paragraph thesis can’t be the same though!! Every body paragraph need their own thesis statement." I would put: "In the body paragraph, one sentence is missing the topic statement, and there is no argument in the beginning of the paragraph, but instead is placed in the middle part of the paragraph. In the second body paragraph they also talk about a very similar topic from the body paragraph. So, basically in the body paragraph one and two, they are exactly talking about the same topic but the body paragraph thesis cannot be the same. Every body paragraph need their own different thesis statement." You did well here, you just needed some past tense modifications :)
MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
so what change do i have to do there
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
I'll just get the rest over with and modify the rest... x'D "The third body paragraph would be wrong because the third body paragraph is the answer of the second body paragraph question but that is not the actual thesis statement so basically the third body paragraph be the actual part of the second body paragraph. That why this be wrong!! The conclusion is kind of matching with the body and introduction paragraph but they are also missing some important argument and main ideas. On the bases of this essay I would request never make your thesis same for all three body paragraph and also never stop your body paragraph on question because it will confuse reader a more.!! I think that errors enough for this essay and I would request to write it again!!" There are a lot of unneeded "!" here... x'D I would put: "The third body paragraph is incorrect because the third body paragraph is the answer of the second body paragraph's question, but that is not the actual thesis statement. Basically, the third body paragraph is supposed to be the actual part of the second body paragraph. The conclusion is has some matching points with the body and introduction paragraph, but they are also missing some important arguments and main ideas. On the bases of this essay: I would request that the author shouldn't make their thesis same for all three body paragraph, and also never end the body paragraph on a question, because it will only confuse reader." I added some words and changed some. xD
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
The “Shakespeare” essay introduction paragraph starts with some kind of background which is a good way to start with, but the thesis statement is put as the foam of the questions. Also, in the introduction paragraph, they should give background information of the essay, not the purpose of it. So, the author is making one mistake by showing the reader the purpose of it. In the body paragraph, one sentence is missing the topic statement, and there is no argument in the beginning of the paragraph, but instead is placed in the middle part of the paragraph. In the second body paragraph they also talk about a very similar topic from the body paragraph. So, basically in the body paragraph one and two, they are exactly talking about the same topic but the body paragraph thesis cannot be the same. Every body paragraph need their own different thesis statement. The third body paragraph is incorrect because the third body paragraph is the answer of the second body paragraph's question, but that is not the actual thesis statement. Basically, the third body paragraph is supposed to be the actual part of the second body paragraph. The conclusion is has some matching points with the body and introduction paragraph, but they are also missing some important arguments and main ideas. On the bases of this essay: I would request that the author shouldn't make their thesis same for all three body paragraph, and also never end the body paragraph on a question, because it will only confuse the reader.
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
^ That's my modified version of your original work. Hope I helped. :)
MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
thnx a lot
MTALHAHASSAN2
  • MTALHAHASSAN2
@broony thnx
EclipsedStar
  • EclipsedStar
No problem. :)

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