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sicklefirebolt

  • one year ago

Medal and fan to anyone who helps proof read my essay!

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  1. sicklefirebolt
    • one year ago
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    Hey! Okay, so I'll post my essay here and it would be so helpful if someone could proof read it and give me tips/tell me some mistakes I made with like grammar, translations, etc.

  2. sicklefirebolt
    • one year ago
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    Many people know about the Holocaust, but what some people fail to realize is that the Holocaust was not the only genocide. Genocides, such as the one that happened to the Native Americans, have been occurring since the world had people on it. Orson Scott Card's novel Ender's Game illustrates the horrifying but all too real concept of genocide, something that happens far too often in the real world. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card is an intense novel that deals with a lot of human rights issues that also happen in the real world. Issues like war and how it affects people happen every day, and are very prominent in the book. Even though those issues are shown, the issue and act of genocide is the biggest human rights issue that the book focuses on as an end result of war. "Within three seconds the entire planet burst apart." Card writes, "becoming a sphere of bright dust, hurling outward"(Card, 303). The destruction of the world, and the buggers, is described in this quote. Everything about the world was gone, turned to dust in mere seconds. The planet was not the only thing that turned to dust, though. "Where the queen was, all the queens from all their colonies, they all were there and you destroyed them completely." (Card, 303). Everything that once was about the Buggers is gone, including their race. When many American's think of genocide, they'd never stop to think about how the biggest one happened on American soil by the Spanish troops that came to colonize it. "They set forth across the countryside, tearing into assembled masses of sick and unarmed native people, slaughtering them by the thousands." (Stannard, 70). The troops carelessly and apathetically went around murdering natives, not caring as they were hurting a whole population. They stole, killed, raped, and tortured the natives. This wasn't a result of any war, either, unlike in Ender's Game. According to the book, more than 50,000 natives were reported dead from the encounters. During their 'visit' to the newly found United States, the Admiral had came down with a sickness, which allowed the troops to basically do whatever they wanted. This genocide was extremely violent and intentional, unlike what Ender did to the Buggers. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card deals with some pretty serious topics. Among them is the topic of genocide. At the end of the book, Ender fought in a war against the Buggers, killing out their whole species. Genocide can sometimes be a result of war, such as in Hiroshima, Japan. For example, "After dropping bombs on Hiroshima, killing at least 140,000 people, and three days later on Nagasaki, killing at least 80,000, the U.S. took Japan's World War II surrender and built only three more bombs in 1945." (The Associated Press). The bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki was not only a low blow, but it was devastating for the people who lived in those towns. In World War II, the U.S. destroyed a big chunk of the Japanese population. Although it wasn't full pledge, it could still be considered a small attempted genocide. "Death and devastation were instantaneous. Trees, wooden houses, people were suddenly ash, leaving a scorched, empty plain for 2 kilometers (1.2 miles) in all directions". (The Associated Press). Just like in Ender's Game, the U.S. deployed a bomb onto Japan that could destroy things close to it, going on for miles. In the novel, the Bugger's ship were instantly turned to ash, leaving nothing left of the alien ships. The devastation in Hiroshima was horrifying, turning anything within the radios to complete dust. Nothing was left of where the bomb went off. In the paragraphs above, it's easy to pull from the text that genocide is an extremely real and devastating thing that isn't just the topic or result that happens in books. It can be a result of war, or just a result of people deciding to run rampage around land. According to the Declaration of Human rights, all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights (Article 1). Humans are born with certain rights, such as the right to be free and live their life. The act of genocide goes against basic human rights. Ender's Game is a good illustration of how war can affect s someone, as well has how devastating genocide can be to a population.

  3. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    "Many people know about the Holocaust, but what some people fail to realize is that the Holocaust was not the only genocide." ---the only genocide that's what? That it's not the only significant genocide in the entire history? This lacks on something. Of course people know that the Holocaust is not the only genocide! I suggest you add some more description in "not the only genocide." :)

  4. sicklefirebolt
    • one year ago
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    Okay! Thank you for catching that :) is there anything else I can change? I was reading it myself and I noticed it got slightly repetitive.

  5. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    "Orson Scott Card's novel Ender's Game illustrates the horrifying but all too real concept of genocide, something that happens far too often in the real world." --- You can rearrange this. Since The Ender's Game is the subject, why not make it the first word? :D E.g. The Ender's Game, a novel by a (insert an award the author received; might be optional, but it depends on you) Orsott Scott Card, successfully illustrates the horrifying events of the real concept of genocide, which, unfortunately, ____________.

  6. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    2nd paragraph: "Card writes, "becoming a sphere of bright dust, hurling outward"(Card, 303). The destruction of the world, and the buggers, is described in this quote." Of course he writes that quote! Why not make change the word "writes" to any other stronger verb? Also, make these two sentences into one to avoid choppiness.

  7. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    4th paragraph: "For example, "After dropping bombs on Hiroshima, killing at least 140,000 people, and three days later on Nagasaki, killing at least 80,000, the U.S. took Japan's World War II surrender and built only three more bombs in 1945." (The Associated Press)." Make this shorter because it feels like you are just copy-pasting the whole quote. Did you know that it's better if you'll just paraphrase it? :) Remove "for example" because the sentence is not an example. It explains further what happened in both Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.

  8. sicklefirebolt
    • one year ago
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    Okay! I'll put those edits into place right now then haha. Is that all?

  9. anonymous
    • one year ago
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    The conclusion should be the overall summary or final thoughts of the above paragraphs. You can also put some rhetorical questions if you want to. You should not open a new topic; keep in mind. You might as well change "in the paragraphs above." I remember my AP English teacher once said to our class that students who puts "In conclusion," "at the end of the day," etc. most likely have a lower grades when it comes with essay writing. :D

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