Jumperman
  • Jumperman
Here's an excerpt of a book I'm writing. Tell me how it is.
Writing
  • Stacey Warren - Expert brainly.com
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At vero eos et accusamus et iusto odio dignissimos ducimus qui blanditiis praesentium voluptatum deleniti atque corrupti quos dolores et quas molestias excepturi sint occaecati cupiditate non provident, similique sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollitia animi, id est laborum et dolorum fuga. Et harum quidem rerum facilis est et expedita distinctio. Nam libero tempore, cum soluta nobis est eligendi optio cumque nihil impedit quo minus id quod maxime placeat facere possimus, omnis voluptas assumenda est, omnis dolor repellendus. Itaque earum rerum hic tenetur a sapiente delectus, ut aut reiciendis voluptatibus maiores alias consequatur aut perferendis doloribus asperiores repellat.
schrodinger
  • schrodinger
I got my questions answered at brainly.com in under 10 minutes. Go to brainly.com now for free help!
Jumperman
  • Jumperman
Everything started. Everything had an existence. Everything was about to be set in place. Heaven was silent, filled with angelic beings, all bowed low in reverence to Adonai. Silence lingered in the throneroom. The only source of light came from Adonai and the angels. One, and only one angel finally stood up, his light, brighter than any other's, approched Adonai's throne. Only Adonai's light was brighter. All other angels looked up and watched him. Michael and Gabriel watched intensely as their fellow brother, Lucifer, courageously approached Adonai's throne. Adonai sat on His throne, and He watched this angel in curiousity. Adonai saw the faith and trust that Lucifer displayed. The angel came low to His feet, and he gazed upon the extravagant beauty of Adonai. He whispered words to the majestic deity, and a conversation took place between this brave angel and Adonai. Finished with the conversation, the angel rose and went to his chambers. Lucifer was preparing to be the leader of the angelic army. All of the angels knew his position of power. Lucifer changed his clothing from aromor to his praise clothes. It was almost the appointed time. The angel passed by the mirror, but stopped and came to look at himself. Gazing upon himself, he saw beauty like no other angel possessed. He was tall, fit, and his wings extended past his arms. His eyes glowed yellow, and his hair was long and well kept. He was beautiful. Lucifer, touched his face, able to shine light brighter than any other angel, continued to gaze and experiment with his beauty and power for hours. The sounds of praises sung by angels rung in his ears, and eventually became a deafening tone. Lucifer focused only on himself. Anger creeped into his heart. Hatred grew in his soul. Eventually, pride overtook the angel. "Adonai has given me beauty, and light, better than any other angels. I deserve to be the leader, I deserve to be worshipped as well. Why aren't they worshiping me?" Lucifer said angrily. His jealousy burned inside of him. He realized that his light became darkness. Lucifer left his chambers and entered the street. Light shone through the golden bricks of the street. He saw some angels, who were on their way to Adonai's throne, ready to begin praise at the appointed time, and called them over. "Come. I have a task for you. But first, I must show you something." Lucifer said, leaving the streets to hide away in secrecy. The angels followed the archangel in eagarness unaware of his sudden change. Lucifer showed them his magnificance, and his power with darkness and light. The angels watched in awe, unable to move and unable to speak. "Even I am more beautiful than Adonai. I want to take over the throne, and become the master of all. You see my power. Follow me, and I promise we will be masters." Lucifer said. The angels looked at each other, remembering what Lucifer had showed them. "But, if we disobey the Master, we will be thrown out! Down to the depths of the abyss!" one exclaimed in fear. Lucifer only shook his head. "If we get enough angels to come to our side, we can overthrow Adonai, and we can throw Him to the depths of the abyss. I will become the Most High, and I promise rule over everything that I create." Lucifer said. The angels looked at each other and back at Lucifer. "We will follow you master." they said at once. The bowed before Lucifer and they went away. The angels spread this message around the city. They brought angels to Lucifer, and angels bowed low and they began to turn their hearts from Adonai and turned to Lucifer as their master, as their God. Jophiel sat in his chambers and was deep in prayer. Shouts and commotion ran through the streets, disturbing Jophiel's prayer. He stood up and walked over to the window and saw many angels carrying swords, which glimmered in the light that shone through bricks. Jophiel saw Lucifer showing off, and the shouts and talk had grown even louder as they approached Jophiel's chambers. Jophiel grabbed his flaming sword and ran out to meet Lucifer. "What have you done!? Don't continue this way! This is wrong, this is an abomination to Adonai, the Most High." Jophiel said. Lucifer approached him. "Follow me, I can give you power, I can give you treasures, just follow me so that we may overthrow Adonai, and establish ourselves as the gods." Lucifer said. Jophiel swung his sword towards Lucifer. Flames projected towards other angels, and the sword met Lucifers sword. Jophiel pushed Lucifer up against a wall, and pressed his sword close to Lucifer's throat. "You will fail to overthrow Adonai." Jophiel said. Lucifer pushed against Jophiel, and darkness emanated from Lucifer and blinded Jophiel. Jophiel stumbled backwards, and Lucifer's sword drove through Jophiels chest. A beam of light pierced through the wound when Lucifer removed his sword. Jophiel fell to his knees and slumped to the ground. The light inside of Jophiel faded as his being passed into death. Lucifer and his followers trampled over his body, on their way to Adonai's throneroom. Adonai felt darkness in the heavens. The feeling itched at His being. Lucifer walked through the streets. Darkness radiated from Lucifer as he approched the glimmering, diamond gates to the throneroom. Light had faded from his followers, and darkness became like thick smoke. Lucifer opened the gates and entered into the throneroom. The sounds of angels giving praise to Adonai were silenced, and each one in praise turned towards Lucifer and drew their swords. "Let me through, so that I may take the throne. I deserve the throne better than Adonai. I won't just sit around staring into nothingness, I will lead you, and guide you, and we can create what we want. But, let me through." Lucifer said. Some angels who had heard of what Lucifer was doing came to his side. The darkness grew even thicker. Everything stood still. Only for a moment. Adonai stood up, and approached Lucifer. "I trusted you. I made you this way to lead, but not to lead evil. I made you beautiful, I gave you powers because I love you Lucifer. For your indignance, you will fall to the darkest depths, and all of your followers will go with you. Your ignorant choices became your downfall. You no longer belong in my presence." Adonai said, His voice very stern, but calm. Lucifer became angry, very angry. He raised His sword to strike. Adonai turned around, and Lucifer's sword disintergrated when it hit Adonai's sword of Truth. Adonai grabbed his face and pulled him close. Visions flooded Lucifer, no, not visions, thoughts from God. Lucifer became afraid, but his defiance stil raged. Adonai pushed Lucifer towards the depths, under heaven, into the abyss. Lucifer fell, along with all of his followers. Lucifer awoke, in a place that was unfamiliar to him. He looked around, seeing other angels, whose light had vanished. There was no light. The pitch black darkness came to an end, and the darkness became their light. Lucifer called his first followers. The two angels that he recruited first, came to him and knelt before him. "Yes master? We long to serve you." they said at once. "We must build this place into what we want. This will be our heights, and heaven will be below our feet. Build from the bottom of Heaven. Sheol, a place of darkness, a place of suffering, is the curse we will accept. Since you two obeyed me when I asked for you, you two will be my counterparts. You will oversee that our home will become greater than heaven below. Go! Now!" Lucifer commanded. The two former angels bowed low and started enlisting work on the other former angels. Beelzebub and Leviathin became the archangels of darkness, and Lucifer made a small throne for himself to sit on. He sat down and watched Sheol rise from darkness. He was the god of his own world. Or so he thought.
Jumperman
  • Jumperman
@Cookie_2046 you want to be an author as I saw, just curious on your thoughts on this.
Jumperman
  • Jumperman
This is first draft too.

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anonymous
  • anonymous
this is really good :)
Jumperman
  • Jumperman
Thanks. I still think it's not good.
Jumperman
  • Jumperman
@Tazmaniadevil @Prettyprincess101 I need more opinions.
madhu.mukherjee.946
  • madhu.mukherjee.946
i found your story quite interesting........your imaginative power,language skills and your expression is quite nice......but in my opinion it would be even more interesting if you have put some more thrill ....like a little more extension of the battle of lucifer and jophiel and also add something more to the confrontation of adonai and lucifer like a fierce battle between them ....more description.you can also describe and extend a little bit to conspiracy that lucifer hatched behind adonai :)) look this is completely my personal opinion pls do not mind....but again i must tell you that its a nice story
anonymous
  • anonymous
Wow really good, I am just wondering about one thing, why is God called Adonai? I am assuming "Adonai" is God due to the heaven, angels and lucifer details.
Jumperman
  • Jumperman
adonai is Hebrew for Lords. It should be Adon, because the ai make it plural. @misty_fox Thanks, I have actually added way more to the prologue since I've posted this. I will repost with the new updated version soon. @madhu.mukherjee.946
madhu.mukherjee.946
  • madhu.mukherjee.946
oksy @Jumperman

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