My essay: Most teenagers play sports and enjoy playing them, but can sports be too dangerous? Young children learn their own limits and strengths through play with others, while also learning valuable social lessons about acceptable behavior and the rights of others. Sports also help teenagers lose weight which is currently a serious problem all around the world. Injury Network has called for the elimination of violent contact sports especially when it comes to teenagers. Sports not only help with a teenager’s personal self-esteem, but it also can help with their social life as well. One of the biggest problems in our society today is obesity. More and more kids are becoming overweight and by joining a team sport this will help to ensure them an opportunity to become more active which could result in them becoming more physical fit. With T.V., movies, computers, and video games becoming more and more popular, it is easier for teens to gain weight. Researchers at Dartmouth College surveyed 1,718 New Hampshire and Vermont high school students about different forms of physical activity. They found that teens that were active on at least three sports teams in the previous year were 27% less likely to be overweight and 39% less likely to be obese compared with teens that hadn’t joined any team sports. It has also been shown that sports shouldn’t be banned because it helps teenagers with their behavioral impact on society. Sports are designed to encourage good behavior which can contribute to keep sports’ goals such as integrity, character, courage, hard work, respect, and teamwork instilled in the people that participate in them. Former major league baseball Most Valuable Player Dale Murphy started an “I Won’t Cheat” campaign to encourage kids to make the right decisions in sports and also in life. According to Murphy, sports are the “perfect vehicle” to teach teens integrity along with other key attributes in life. Team sports also may enable students to get a firmer grasp of who they are in a group, which leads to a stronger sense of self-esteem. Finally, that teens that play sports are more likely to get better grades than those that don't. Researchers found that teens involved in sports had higher grade-point averages. A study by James Pivarnik and colleagues at the American College of Sports Medicine discovered that middle-school students who performed best on fitness tests - gauging aerobic capacity, strength, endurance and body composition - also performed better academically. The study, which included 317 students, showed that the fittest teens scored nearly 30 percent higher on standardized tests than the least-fit group. Moreover, the less-fit students received grades in their core subjects that were 13 percent to 20 percent lower than their fitter classmates. Sports teach discipline and require teenagers to stick to a schedule. Both of these skills can help teenagers to be more successful in an academic setting. Sports can change a student's attitude about school and even instill the skills they need to be more disciplined about their education. In conclusion, it is clear sports help many teenagers. There are many people who would like to band sport from teens, but there are more good reasons why teenagers should play sports than bad. Teenagers learn and receive help from sports, such as good grades, obesity, and behavior. There is absolutely no reason why kids cannot play a dangerous sport when there are so many ways and reasons to make them have fun, and get help at the same time.
It looks pretty good to me
Maybe just a little space between the paragraphs, then its cool ^_^
0/15 Three Edits/Revisions 15/15 Introduction 25/25 Body Section 15/15 Conclusion 15/15 Clear Writing 0/15 Reflection 70/100 Total Points Earned ^ thats what i got back and i need to fix it
You can check what 'reflection' means in this site: http://www.slideshare.net/shirley_guillermo/english-grammar-a-reflection