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the_ocean_girl

  • one year ago

Just looking for opinions, anybody who gives one will receive a medal. I just finished a historical fiction article on Otzi the Iceman found in the Alps. How did I do? Ötzi was always a very cautious fella, always swore up and down somebody was out to get ‘em. I don’t believe I ever saw a day he wasn’t carrying that dagger with him wherever he went. He was always hard at work, cutting down trees to keep his family warm with his axe and hunting animals for them to eat.

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  1. the_ocean_girl
    • one year ago
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    The day Ötzi was killed, he and I had prepared ourselves for a journey high up in the mountains to spy on enemies in a nearby territory. We knew it was going to be cold, so we threw on some animal skinned clothes and off we went to watch our foes train for battle. As we went along on our journey, Ötzi started carving an arrow for an ambush attack on a military chief. It was a long journey, before we knew it we were at a low on food. We were settling in for the night at the top of the mountain when happened. Ötzi and I had just put down our weapons when a man came up from behind us and hit my dear friend over his head. Before I had time to react, he was hit with an arrow in his shoulder. Fearing my own fate, I grabbed my weapons and started running down the mountain. As I run, I glance back up the mountain, hoping Ötzi had been able to escape, but he wasn’t there. I didn’t stop until I reached the village. I never saw my friend again after that day…

  2. Mr.Z
    • one year ago
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    Eh, a little vague here and there. I think you could be more specific on the death of Ötzi. Sure your character in the "Fight or Fly" mind set could run, but in the pre-historic area people in tribes usually stuck together. "Ötzi and I had just put down our weapons when a man came up from behind us and hit my dear friend over his head. Before I had time to react, he was hit with an arrow in his shoulder. Fearing my own fate, I grabbed my weapons and started running down the mountain." Again, tribesmen mentality. The protagonist probably wouldn't have run from ONE guy. Also the second sentence "...Before I had time to react, he was hit with an arrow in his shoulder." Who is he? There's three people in the event taking place. I'd say work on it more, grammar is just a little bit off and some things need some tweaking.

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