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I am writing essay on should smoking cigarettes be made illegal in canada
Introduction Smoking tobacco cigarettes be made illegal in Canada and around 5 million people die a year from smoking in the world 22.3 percent of them are male, 17.4 percent of them are female and 23 percent of them are teenagers. Everyone knows that smoking cigarettes bad and also knows that smoking cigarettes increases our chance of lung cancer and other fatal illnesses but they never stop smoking. The fact that smoking has not been made illegal yet is mind blowing. Smoking is a main cause of many deaths across Canada. The simple ban of smoking in public places is not a good enough solution to the problem. Making smoking illegal is the right choice because, it causes lots of pollution, cigarettes are a waste of money and also it would help protect Canada’s youth from being affected by smoking.
This is my introduction paragraph
@Jhannybean is it a good introduction paragraph or what
Its a little too long, and I would say its preferable to keep your introduction 1 paragraph long.
You have `smoking` in every single sentence almost, it sounds redundant.
oh ok so what can i do to make it better
@Jhannybean i am looking for you advice
are you guys still there or fell in sleep
I would also get rid of mind blowing, it sounds very informal compared to the rest of the essay