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  • one year ago

Is there someone here that could help me now?

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  1. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Hi, what do you need help with? :)

  2. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I have a paragraph that I need to purify

  3. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Well, post it here and I can see if I can help you ^_^

  4. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    here it is. It's a pic. I don't want google to capture it. My teacher might find it later and gonna think I plagiarized it.... who knows... I don't want to risk it....

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  5. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Ok, I may pop out a couple times cuz my mom's here, but I'll be back so don't worry

  6. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I write horrible... :| I know...

  7. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Is there a prompt?

  8. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    It's gonna be a narrative about my life

  9. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    When I was diagnosed with diabetes

  10. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    boring stuff, but I want to make it interesting

  11. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Ok, first off, you don't want to use "you" in an essay. :D

  12. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Replace it with "one" or "a person"

  13. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    so third person?

  14. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    So: ...pretty much anything sweet one can think of. or: ...pretty much anything sweet a person can think of.

  15. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    yeah...I like it...

  16. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    my audience is another classmate btw

  17. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    You could just mention which sentence doesn't sound too great

  18. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I just need a second perspective

  19. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Are we going for a casual or professional sounding essay?

  20. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    casual

  21. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    nothing professional

  22. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Righto

  23. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    it's not a science paper

  24. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    Writing something boring and professional is easier I think. lol

  25. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I think the last sentence sounds more like a poem. Is it okay?

  26. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I wanted to do something different

  27. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    I think the last sentence is ok, but the first sentence, you use the word "sweet" twice. Here's a tip, when writing, try not to use the same word too much, try finding synonyms. So replace "...pretty much anything sweet" with "...pretty much anything sugary" or "...pretty much anything sugar filled"

  28. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Using the same word too many times makes the essay seem boring and repetitive.

  29. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    Good suggestion, I didn't even notice that. Thanks

  30. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    Overall, could I know what your first impression was? lame? boring? interesting? Nay or yay?

  31. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    I thought it was interesting.

  32. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    It just needs a little editing is all. :)

  33. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I still have to write a second intro anyways. My teacher wants me to take a different approach.

  34. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Ah ok. I'm gonna see what we can edit. :)

  35. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I'll have to take two intros to class today...

  36. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Be right back, my mom wants me to fold some clothes quick, but I'll be back! ^u^

  37. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    :)

  38. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    I'm back!

  39. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    :D

  40. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    Is there anything else I should edit? before I start working on my second "different" version?

  41. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Well, I was thinking: "...all my careless childhood days have suddenly vanished" and replace the word "have" with the word "just"

  42. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    Ok, make it more present time...

  43. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    or the word "had" I'm not sure when this took place...

  44. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    It's a childhood memory...

  45. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    I was suggesting "just" because it makes it seem more dramatic. But maybe that's just my novelist side inputting stuff. :P

  46. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    :) I see

  47. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I like more dramatic

  48. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    XDDD lol, ok. :D

  49. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I really needed this. Thank you.

  50. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    No problem! :)

  51. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I'm gonna go eat breakfast now. :)

  52. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    :D Okay. :) Do you need anymore help or no?

  53. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    I might come back later...I don't know for sure though

  54. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    Okay, tag me if you need help. :)

  55. Blank 
    • one year ago
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    Okay, thanks again

  56. YoungStudier
    • one year ago
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    You're welcome! ^u^

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